How To Tell An Employee They Didn't Get A Promotion
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No leader wants to tell an employee they didn't get a promotion, but these are discussions that have to happen. So, while nothing is ever guaranteed when sharing undesirable news, there are good ways to share this news and to make these experiences as positive and productive as possible over the short and longer term. Let’s explore:
As their leader you have to be the one to tell them. What this employee needs from you more than anything is honesty and respect. You also have to secure your place as their leader, so don’t give this opportunity away to someone in HR, your boss or to a board member.
Have these conversations in a timely manner. The #1 mistake is putting this off – even for a few days. I’m sure you know from times you’ve applied for jobs, a day can feel like a week when you are waiting for news about a job promotion.
Have these conversations in privacy where your employee can have a private moment if they need.
Have these conversations in person. If you can’t because you work in a virtual office, I recommend a video call where you can see and hear each other. Don’t leave a voice message or send an email or text message.
Prepare your fist sentence and know what you want to say. Don’t wing it.
Mornings are better than afternoons. Earlyish to mid-mornings are when people think most strategically so it’s a good time to engage their strategic, logical and creative self… and when they will be their best listeners.
Be honest and clear:
Explain why they weren’t chosen, but don’t get into detail. And don’t turn this into a performance review – this is not the time for them to hear about all of the times they let you and/or the team down.
Show your empathy:
That you are sorry this wasn’t their time
That you understand it is a disappointment. A few good starting words may include, “I have disappointing news.”
Give them time and space to talk about their disappointment. This is a time for you the leader to do more listening and less talking. This moment is about them… not you. Listen for what is important to them. If they ask questions about the job, listen carefully from their point of view and their needs… not yours. Then, answer honestly but I recommend not going into detail.
They are likely feeling disappointment, rejection etc. and are a bit vulnerable / sensitive so their listening skills may be off. Be patient. Don’t be surprised they will need a few moments… or days to process this information.
Let them know they are a valuable part of the team. If they are not you have a different problem.
Never promise something you can’t guarantee by saying something like “I’m confident, next time you’ll get the promotion.”
It’s often good to let them know you want to work with them to help them get ready for this kind of step in the future. I recommend not getting into solutions mode at this time. Schedule a follow-up coaching meeting (see below for tips) to take place in a few days where you both can start building detailed plans. Let them process this information first. Say something like, “Let’s schedule a coaching meeting now for next week where we can explore how this outcome can be different in the future.” Doing this may have a double benefit of ensuring them you still want them as part of your team… because everyone wants to feel wanted and important.
Rejection is uncomfortable so be prepared for them to be upset. They may hear (even of you don’t give it), negative feedback. A hundred things running through their mind like having to go home and tell their partner they were not good enough and the dream cottage has to be put on hold… again. With all of this emotion at their end their fight-or-flight mode might get triggered. If they get triggered don’t take it personally and don’t get triggered yourself. You have to stay balanced and realize they are processing their emotions and may not be experienced at doing that.
Don’t blame the decision on someone else (I wanted to give it to you but I didn’t get approval from my superior). There are so many things wrong with this including the serious damage you’ll be doing to your ability to lead.
Don’t feel you have to offer them something else as compensation… other than coaching to help them learn / grow.
If you are filling a position they will report into and if they ask, you may want to give a very high-level overview (not detail), of why you chose the person.
As with any difficult conversation, check in with the person in a day or two (don’t wait longer). Say something like, “I want to make sure you are OK”. If you get a sense there is something they want to talk, ask them if they have any questions and/or if they would like to go get a coffee with you and see what they say along the way.
The Follow-up Coaching Meeting
Start the meeting by acknowledging you know they were disappointed they didn’t get a promotion, but you want to support them and help them grow. I suggest not bringing up the position they didn’t get because what they want may be different, they just saw that job as an opportunity. Instead, with your coaching hat on, ask, “What are your longer-term goals” and, “What part of your work makes you proud?” It’s important they are active and begin to make decisions here; support them but don’t create the solution for them. Once they’ve shared their future goals, help them explore:
Help them identify any areas of opportunity they want to address.
What mentoring / coaching can you and / or the company offer?
What development opportunities do they see within the company?
What training do they think might help them? Should they look into certificate programs?
What opportunities could they look into where they could get the experience they need? Could they volunteer somewhere? Should they join a networking group like Toastmasters or a Chamber of Commerce?
Note: It’s likely you two will need a few coaching meetings for them to come up with a workable plan.
Conclusion
When you have to tell an employee they didn’t get a promotion they wanted your goal is to get to the point where they proudly say, “I’m not ready YET” versus“ I’m not good enough.”
There's no denying that it's difficult for everyone involved when an internal candidate doesn’t get a promotion they want. But when the difficult conversation is handled well, a disappointment can become a chance for growth. Handling these conversations with empathy and respect will be your best chance of keeping a valued employee engaged. It will also inform them and help them prepare / grow so that down the road they will be ready for the job. If you don’t coach them through this process you are risking that they will become demotivated which can influence the performance of the whole team.
I look forward to hearing how these suggestions helped.
Bruce
About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.
Corporate trainer and Executive Coach Bruce Mayhew delivers customized Leader Skills Training in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce specializes in Leadership, Motivation, Communication and other soft skills training solutions.
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