Four Rules To Be An Effective Leader

Rule 1. 

Lead by sharing a strategic vision and by honoring shared values with every decision. Be consistent with your company vision and values. Be an example that inspires others and help others be consistent with your company vision and values. At some moment in time it may be important to break the rules and do something unexpected… daring… challenging. But if your decisions are always in-line with your overall vision and values, it will be OK.

Rule 2.

Have someone (or a team) who can push you. Find successful people you trust, work with them and listen to them. Also find successful people who will listen to you and who are not scared of disagreeing with you – who will challenge you and enter into open, creative, productive, respectful dialogue.

Rule 3.

Empower everyone around you. Give them the tools, resources and moral support to push their limits and grow. Help them be successful but don’t try to be them – be you. Everyone has special qualities to add. Together you are a force – apart you are alone.

Rule 4.

Read books and articles. Yes listing to others is important and watching YouTube videos has value. But we learn differently when we read and there are thousands of talented people who have written books and shared their great ideas. Take advantage of their experience.

Conclusion

There are many great things great leaders do. I encourage you to explore how you are doing with these four rules. Thank you for reading four rules to be an effective leader. Please share your own favourite leadership rule or rules in the comments.

Thank you.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

When In Conflict, Be A Good Listener: A Step-by-Step Approach

Are you a good listener in a conflict situation or do you become a boxer? Sorry - I couldn’t resist the fun play of words and the image.

Being a good listener when in conflict is one of the key elements of having win-win conversations. Thankfully, there are things you can do to be a good listener and develop a winning communication style.

Listener or Boxer? Which are you?

One of the most productive things you can do is help the other person trust your intentions - that you are there to understand their thoughts, feelings and needs. Another thing a good listener does is stay away from judging anyone, laying blame or letting your triggers (strong emotions), get the best of you.

Once you have their trust, gathering facts about what happened and why will be much more fruitful. But, this is still not as easy as it sounds. To help you to focus on what your speaker is saying and have productive conversations, I recommend the following step-by-step process:

1. Have a plan. Have an idea what success may look like for you and the other person (realizing you both see the world in very different ways.

2. Pause. Take a moment to reflect and confirm this is the right thing to do.

3. Turn off your smartphone / computer.

4. Breathe calmly. It’s easy for us to stop breathing during a difficult conversation.

5. Notice what is going on for you - and for them. Also notice your surroundings and distractions that may negatively impact the conversation.

6. Show interest. “I have something important I’d like to share and I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.”

7. Don’t interrupt them when they are speaking:

   • If you have ideas and/or questions… make a note of them.

8. Stay focused on what they are saying:

   • Don’t judge or assume

   • Manage your Triggers

   • Don’t think about what you will say

9. Respond to what they are doing, saying, feeling, needing and believing… but never React.

10. Validate what you think they said / feel / need / believe: “What I’m hearing you say is you feel members of the team interpret our corporate values inconsistently.”

11. Give them space / encouragement to correct what you said in step #10 by pausing and letting them respond.

12. Check in to see if there is more: “This is helpful. Are there other challenges that are impacting communication, our corporate values or quality?”

13. If they have more information or challenges to share, go back to step #7 to encourage them.

14. Thank the other person or people for their contribution

This step-by-step process has many benefits to help you be a great listener. The most obvious is that encourages the other person do most of the talking which helps you build trust and understanding; people will trust you less if you do most of the talking. Having the other person do most of the talking is also beneficial because it may be the first time they’ve spoken aloud about the situation. Speaking aloud may help them gain more understanding and take some responsibility. They may even begin resolving the conflict themselves.

Conclusion:

Becoming a good listener isn’t easy. It doesn’t mean sitting quietly until the other person stops talking, and being a good listener also doesn’t mean agreeing with what they are saying. In fact I would warn you against agreeing to much because later in the day they may subconsciously apply your agreement to the whole conversation. Recap: Understanding is good, agreeing is not.

One last thing; be careful if you find yourself giving advice, sharing your opinion or making suggestions. If you do (or even want to), it is a sign you are not listening.

BONUS: What Are Triggers?

A trigger is any positive or negative event that evokes a deep emotional response. One of the greatest challenges when participating in a difficult conversation is to manage your triggers and try to predict (and avoid), the triggers of the other peoples involved. When negatively triggered we may feel:

• Overwhelmed

• Angry

• Frustrated

• Disappointed

• Embarrassed

BONUS: Effective Open Ended Questions

• “Can you tell me more about that?”

• “What happened next?”

• “How did you feel?”

• “That’s interesting, can you help me better understand by explaining that further?”

• “What is it like to do that?”

• “Please… tell me more” (not a question… but effective.

• “How can we measure that?”

• “What does that mean?”

• “What are your expectations?”

• “How does that process work when… [there are two versus three people]?”

• “What procedures did you use to determine the customers needs?

Thank you for reading my article about why listening is important and how to listen well.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Corporate trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) delivers customized Difficult Conversation training in Toronto and across Canada. We specialize in Leadership, Communication and other soft skills training solutions.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.