Disagree With Respect At Work: Part II

When you and I approach a problem and disagree with respect, it’s an opportunity for us to work as a productive team, to be creative, and build stronger relations as we build trust, loyalty, and pride in our outcomes.

In my previous article called Disagree With Respect At Work: Part I, I discuss three critical building blocks of a culture (at work or at home), where we can safely and respectfully explore different points of view. ‘Rules of Engagement’ is one of the three building blocks I discuss in Part I. With those Rules of Engagement we are able to be part of a culture – a workspace or family – where everyone can trust they will be safe and supported and therefore able to be their whole, honest, true self with all of their passion, creativity and flaws. 

As I wrote in Part I, especially when stakes are high, there is more to having successful, respectful difficult conversations than only those three critical building blocks. So, here is Part II where I share three more that we can all use to help us have successful difficult conversations and be able to disagree with respect at work, with family and even with strangers. These three additional approaches are:

1. Be Intentional About Time and Place

2. Have Conversations In-person, By Phone or By Video

3. Share Stories Instead of Assigning Blame

Lets dive right in.

Be Intentional About Time and Place

Even when we are in a trusting culture there will always be a level of anxiousness when we disagree. Simply by its nature, disagreement makes most of us feel vulnerable. But it’s important we do our best to create a time and place where everyone feels safe, respected and not rushed. Let me share three less than ideal examples:

• It’s not a good time or place to disagree with your boss while they are giving a project update to their boss. Doing this will immediately damage your reputation and destroy trust. This would also signal you are not a team player – and likely a half-dozen other unfavourable characteristics. This may also damage your bosses reputation as a leader.

• It’s not a good time to raise a disagreement with your co-worker when they are working hard to meet a different important end-of-day deadline and they also have to pick up their 6-year-old from daycare before it closes. In this example you are adding a stressful moment when they have to push back on your request and begin negotiating a better time.

• It’s not a good time or place to disagree with your partner in front of your child and their new boyfriend about how late they can stay out.

I bet that even as you read these examples, you felt – actually felt – these were not good times or places. These situations risk unwelcome feelings like surprise, humiliation, frustration, embarrassment, and more. I think we can all imagine many different other times or places for each of these examples where we could have disagreed with respect.

Have Conversations In-person, By Phone Or By Video

It’s near impossible for you and I to feel empathy and caring from an email or text message. In fact, we are more likely to feel the opposite. So, while sending an email or text message may feel ‘safe’ for you, please avoid disagreeing in writing. To disagree with respect I strongly encourage you to try to have these conversations in person… and if not in-person, try to hear each other’s voice. A happy middle-ground is a video conversation where everyone is on-camera (no blank screens). 

This isn’t conjecture. Studies back-up this best-practice. Professor Julia Schroeder at UC Berkley and her colleagues say, “Listening to someone’s voice is humanizing as they make a contradictory or controversial argument. It makes it easier to engage with what that person has to say.” When a person feels empathy or genuine curiosity, it goes a long way to feeling respected.

So, when you disagree, know that a 5-minute face to face conversation can have far greater impact than the email you spend 20, 30 or perhaps even 60-minutes writing. If it is important to have a physical record, go ahead and write a brief email after you have had the in-person, phone or video call.

Share Stories Instead Of Assigning Blame

Facts are important. Stories make a situation real.

We know sharing disagreement in person, by phone or by video call engages our empathy. Sharing stories takes our ability to disagree with respect to a whole other level. Stories also builds connection between people and events which supports greater trust and understanding. Stories also make the situation far more memorable.

To disagree with respect at work, your stories should get to the point quickly. Don’t let your stories drag on. In my Difficult Conversation Training Workshops I encourage participants to consider starting their story by answering ‘Why’ the conversation is important at the beginning before they share ‘What happened’.  Talking about ‘Why’ first does two things. First, it helps the other person (or people) feel safe and want to listen; to not put their defences up. Second, stories help them care and be curious. For example, consider the difference in being on the receiving end of the following two options with the second starting with ‘Why a conversation is important’ and the first and second examples being more inclined to immediately put Tom on the defensive:

1. Bad Example: “Tom, you talk over me in meetings and when you do, this makes me feel undervalued. I want you to stop.”

2. Bad, But Better Example: “Tom, you talk over me in meetings and when you do, this makes me feel undervalued. I want to discuss this with you because I want us to have creative conversations and a respectful work relationship.”

3. Ideal Example: “Tom, I have something important I’d like to share with you because I want us to have creative conversations and a respectful work relationship. When you talk over me in meetings it makes me feel undervalued. I’d like to work with you to find ways we could work together better.”

In the first example, the main goal isn’t to have Tom stop talking over them; it actually feels like the main goal is to assign blame. The second example is better, but still has the chance to immediately trigger Tom into being defensive. The third example has the greatest chance help Tom to stay engaged and curious and trust us (note I said help). If we can help Tom keep his defences down, he’ll be more likely to want to participate in this conversation. Only then can we have a productive, non-threatening conversation.

One last thing about trust. Whether someone trusts us depends on largely on our history with them and others. Are we known to be a good listener who is respectful, patient and curious… or do we have a reputation as a blunt… ‘If you don’t like it, too bad’ type of person?

What If You Are Surprised And Not Expecting It? (BONUS POINT)

The examples I’ve given are all about you and I starting the difficult conversation. But what if you are surprised? Can you still disagree with respect? You may be asking:

• “How do I act when someone comes to me – unexpectedly – to talk about a challenge or disagreement they have?”

• “What do I do when I’m working to a deadline and can’t be interrupted”

• “How can I turn things around when I receive an email that is clearly involves a difference of opinion, disagreement and I feel is both rude and abrupt?

Great questions! I believe everyone deserves the same kindness and respect no matter who you are or what you do. My quick answers to these three questions are:

• If you are feeling surprised and a bit off-balance by a difficult conversation or disagreement then it’s fair to ask for some time to prepare or at least a few moments to gather your thoughts. Even court trials have 15-minute recesses from time to time.

• Unless timing is urgent, if someone approaches you and wants to discuss something, it’s fair to ask to have the conversation at a different time. But, any delay should be short… and reasonable.

• If you feel an email you received is touching on disagreement, I believe it is 100% your best move to try to set up an in-person, video or phone conversation.

Conclusion

You may be thinking that this is all interesting and helpful learning… but what if the other person hasn’t read this article?  Sure, that is a hitch. But I believe this is also an opportunity for you to be a leader and a mentor.

Merriam-Webster defines a mentor as, “1: a trusted counselor or guide. 2: tutor, coach.” With that definition in mind, I bet each of us could think of a dozen people we engage with every day who we subtly or specifically mentor already. Every time we help someone find a solution or share our knowledge / experience we are potentially helping someone grow / learn.

One Last Suggestion

If someone gets upset during a difficult conversation, it’s best you give them some time. They may only need a few minutes, but they may need it to process new information and come to terms with their feelings. If they don’t have time to deal with their feelings, they may not be able to be open to what you are sharing. When they’ve processed their feelings, they will likely have questions and may even need to share their experience.

Disagree with the idea, not the person. Never make a disagreement personal or dismiss the other persons feelings, ideas or beliefs.

Thank you for spending time with me today and reading ‘How To Disagree With Respect At Work: Part II’. I hope you also enjoyed Part I.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

• Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting proudly offers leadership training and professional development.

Disagree With Respect At Work: Part I

To disagree with respect at work is a sign we are part of a healthy business culture.

There's a big difference between disagreeing with respect versus having a heated, uncomfortable encounter. Disagreeing with respect means we can even deal with challenging situations without harming or threatening each other. Feeling safe, both physically and emotionally, means we can still be productive and move forward with confidence – together.

Wonderful things happen when we two or more people know they can disagree with respect. When we’re able to disagree with respect at work, it means our workspace also values creativity, growth, new ideas and is an evolving workspace.

We all deserve to share space where respectful disagreement is natural.

When we feel physically and emotionally safe we are able to apply our unbridled individuality to every challenge, opportunity, and goal for our shared benefit. It means we can explore possibilities while still respecting each other’s uniqueness. Alternatively, a disagreement that becomes disrespectful causes hurt feelings, lower productivity, lower creativity and morale, and burns through trust like a wildfire.

1. Approach Opportunities With Curiosity

When we approach a problem or disagreement in a positive way it becomes an opportunity to be creative, work as a team and build stronger relations as we also build trust, loyalty, and pride in our work.

One way to infuse positivity into our difficult conversations and workplace culture is to embrace Appreciative Inquiry. For example, when solving a problem using Appreciative Inquiry, we all look at what went well and what we want more of. While we don’t ignore serious flaws, overall we do however take the point of view of a glass half full. Instead of spending meetings dwelling on what went wrong and assigning blame, we spend the bulk of our time focused on how we can get more of what works, what we are good at and what our clients want. This also has the benefit of creating an uplifting, learning space focused on teamwork.

The old saying two heads is better than one is still relevant today; not because it is folklore but because it is true. Each of us is unique and there are things you know that I don’t. Two heads allow us to rely on and learn from each other, especially in a culture that embraces Appreciative Inquiry and respects curiosity.

2. Rules Of Engagement

For us to disagree with respect, we must intentionally and relentlessly commit to building a healthy foundation of trust where we care for our shared physical and emotional safety. Physical safety is self-explanatory. But when it comes to emotional safety, I think it’s important to quickly discuss how emotional safety can include many things like knowing that our individuality will be celebrated and never mocked or dismissed. Emotional safety also includes our creative ideas, our education, our experiences, our values, and anything else about us.

The following are rules of engagement that often support a healthy personal and professional culture:

1. Find and clearly state – in writing – a goal everyone agrees on. Only then should we discuss different options on how to reach that goal.

2. Values must be clearly defined, discussed, and agree upon… with everyone.

3. When you win it doesn’t mean I lose. The idea is to get on the same page on how we move forward.

4. We treat each other with respect. This means each of us realize others may have different boundaries and needs than we do.

5. We must all be open and encouraged to actively participate in difficult conversations.

6. We must learn about and strive to overcome biases like sexism, ageism and/or any other ‘ism’ both as individuals and as teams.

7. Everyone must listen to each other with the intention to hear what they feel, need and are fearful of.

8. We don’t speak over each other.

9. While we might speak passionately, we don’t holler or use upsetting language.

10. If I want to be open to the possibility of changing your mind, I also must be open to the possibility that you might change my mind.

11. If I change my mind it doesn’t need to mean I was wrong, it may just means I understand things differently now.

3. Changing Our Mind Is Often One of The Biggest Barriers

As we learn to disagree with respect, many of us discover that in our past whenever we entered difficult conversations we had a goal to change what other people understand, feel or believe, “If we could only make them see things our way we would have harmony.” That is an important realization, so I invite you to take time with that thought.

As we learn to disagree with respect, it’s important to recognize that if we expect others to change what they understand, feel or believe, we should also be open to changing what we understand, feel or believe. The truth is that respectful disagreement and important solutions almost always mean one or both of us has an opportunity to learn something… if we are paying attention.

For most people changing our mind is personal – scary. Many of us subconsciously worry that if we change our mind that it must mean we were wrong and our identity or reputation is compromised. You may know someone who has built their reputation as being the expert, the person who knows the most and/or who has the most experience. They can feel uncomfortable and uneasy with change and disagreement because they have worked hard to build their reputation as an expert and change threatens that reputation. In these cases, building their trust is an important step. Warning: it usually will take some time to build their trust and it may not always work.

If someone is assertive and/or lashes out, we need to pause and ask ourselves “Why are they acting this way?” and “Do they recognize they are lashing out?” They may not see their behaviour as inappropriate; many don’t. A first step for us would be to use our calm approach to help them see other ways to behave – that they don’t need to be assertive with us. This means that initially, we are not even dealing with the issue. Instead, our first goal is earning their trust.

One last thing on this point. Saying something like, “You are wrong” or “I have a better idea” will almost never go over well when trying to disagree with respect. Instead, a more inclusive approach may be, “I have a new idea and I’m hoping I can get your input and expertise. If you don’t mind, I’d like to walk you through from start to finish before I get your thoughts.  Are you able to explore this new approach with me and is now a good time?”

Conclusion

Whatever we experience at work will also influence our behaviour, our relationships, and our enjoyment at home. This makes it even more important we recognize our responsibility to be part of a healthy business culture that embraces disagreeing with respect.

I believe that two things will happen when each of us learns to be respectful, open to listening and focused on shared goals:

• First, our cool, curious behaviour will calm the ‘feelings’ and ‘tensions’ in the room and encourage others to listen.

• Second, others will notice our steadiness and they will respect us for making the whole situation better… not making matters worse. We will be setting an example for others that disagreeing with respect is possible… and it feels good.

One Last Suggestion

If someone is disagreeing with you, don’t take it personal… because often, it isn’t personal. Often if someone is disagreeing with you it is simply because your goals are different and/or you have access to different information. Instead of taking it personally, listen to their ideas with curiosity. Look at the situation from the other persons perspective. What are their goals, needs and fears? Look for where there is alignment with your goals, needs and fears.

Remember, every coin has two sides. Same coin, but still, each side is different.

Thank you for spending time with me today and reading ‘How To Disagree With Respect At Work: Part I’. I hope you will enjoy Part II. I will post the link here when I launch it.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• Leadership Skills Training

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Time Management

• Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting proudly offers leadership training and professional development.

What Is Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement or BATNA

When you are negotiating ANYTHING and your best option looks like it won’t happen, a BATNA will be your best alternative, or as it is formally defined, the acronym BATNA stands for, ‘your best alternative to a negotiated agreement’.

By preparing one and preferably more BATNAs (options), in advance of a negotiation, you empower yourself. Whether you are asking for a pay increase, buying a competitor company, or deciding with your partner where to go on vacation, when you prepare your BATNAs you give yourself choices you can feel good about because you’ve researched the pros and cons in advance. You can make good, informed decisions quickly, without regret because you’ve thought through alternatives.

As Kenny Rogers sang in the song ‘The Gambler’ “You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.” Little did Kenny know that when he first started singing “every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser”, that in 1981 Roger Fisher and William Ury would coin the term BATNA in their bestselling book, ‘Getting to Yes: Negotiating Without Giving In’. Fisher and Ury would define and idea that embodied preparing yourself to make good, informed decisions quickly. And I wonder if Kenny Rogers somehow inspired Roger Fisher and William Ury.

But thinking through your alternatives is only half of the process to determine your best choice. Imagine how empowering it would be to explore, as best you can, what the alternatives of the other person or business. For example, imagine you want to purchase a house and you’ve seen two that interest you. They both have similar pros, cons and pricing, but house A has just come on the market, and house B has been on the market for 45 days. The other difference is that house A is a 15-minute drive closer to your work than house B. While house A might be your preference, house B might be a good BATNA for you. And while a con is that house B means a longer drive to work, the owners of house B might be more motivated to negotiate price. How high house B sits on your priority list might include how price sensitive you are and how much of a demotivator it is to be 15-minutes further away from work.

Pros of BATNA

At a glance, the BATNA pros include:

• Provides an alternative if the primary negotiations fail.

• Empowers you or other negotiators to make the best decisions.

• You will know you don’t need to compromise as much when you know you have a good alternative.

• Your BATNA can keep you from getting caught up in the moment and accepting an offer that has fewer advantages.

• Reduces the impact of bias and emotion.

• Makes agreement more likely, as a well researched and fair BATNA is more likely to be acceptable by all.

• Reduces stress around negotiations, crucial conversations and potential difficult conversations.

How To Determine Your BATNA

Since BATNA is the identification of alternative solutions in advance of a negotiation, it’s important to know how to determine your BATNA or BATNAs.

While a BATNA may not always be easy to identify, the following are several steps you can take:

1. List as many alternatives you can think of if your negotiations for your ideal option don’t work out.

2. Evaluate the pros and cons of your alternatives based on your values, goals and resources. Other criteria can be anything that is important to you / the project or your organization and can also include (but not limited to):

   • Affordability

   • Long and short-term market impact

   • Long and short-term job impact

   • Long and short-term earnings / profit

   • Which is most affordable and feasible?

   • Which will have the most impact in the shortest amount of time?

3. Prioritize your options as best you can based on their strengths and weaknesses. Be very clear about what your lowest-valued / bottom-line BATNA is. Remember, sometimes it is best to walk away.

And as I mentioned earlier, when you’re done identifying, evaluating and prioritizing your BATNA, be sure to explore the alternatives, pros and cons of your counterpart's BATNAs.

Conclusion:

To reach the best possible outcome, it’s important to do as much preparation as possible before entering into negotiations. While BATNA dramatically improves your chances of a satisfactory outcome, it is not a guarantee. Even your BATNAs might become unattainable, but it is far less likely if you are prepared in advance.

If I was able to ask my dad what a BATNA is, I imagine he would simply say, “Know what your alternatives are and when the cost [any cost] is too high. And then, as best you can, know the same for the other person.” Dad always kept things simple.

Thank you for reading ‘What Is Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement’. If you have any thoughts or questions, please let me know.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

• Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting proudly offers leadership training and professional development.

Work-Life Balance Requires Respect, Trust And Choice By Everyone

Organizations are continuing to struggle finding ways to address the reality that for a company to succeed, employees need to feel like their leaders care about them. This is a struggle because businesses can’t survive if all they do is care for your employees. Instead, the business – employee relationship must be a delicate balance of respect, trust, clear expectations, flexibility, collaboration and choice. 

The question is, "What is the balance between employee needs and business needs?"

Take work-life balance and flexible hours in an office environment as an example. Some employees may work the early part of the day from 7AM to 3PM as their regular hours. Other employees may be on a later schedule from 11AM to 7PM. That is terrific, but what happens when you have to schedule a project meeting and the only time everyone is available is 9:30AM except for the one person whose regular, agreed upon start time is 11AM?

I believe the answer exists within the above mentioned balance of respect, trust, clear expectations, flexibility, collaboration and choice. 

In this example:

• Respect and trust mean that everyone can be confident that there was a serious attempt to find a time during everyone’s typical work hours. They also mean that everyone will respect and trust each other and previous agreements.

• Clear expectations means that everyone knows that if someone can’t make a meeting – no matter what the reason – the person who can’t attend will understand and respect that the meeting must still take place.

• Flexibly, collaboration and choice mean the person who has the conflict has the opportunity – and the responsibility to make one of the following three choices:

1. Choose to make a special adjustment and attend the meeting.

2. Choose to assign an alternate person to represent and speak for them.

3. Choose to be OK receiving the meeting minutes and support any decisions made.

For organizations to succeed they (and by extension the leaders AND every employee), must make each employee feel like their success as employees AND as individuals matters. Employees at every level must feel valued and be proud they are part of the team. This is what it means to build a strong corporate culture where difficult decisions and difficult conversations can actually be prevented.

When people feel valued and proud, they become more creative, more collaborative and more loyal. Nobody should be treated as disposable cogs in a machine that exist only to do their j.o.b. and obey.

One last thing – leadership requires intentionality! As a leader, even if you are not in a leadership position (yet), you must focus on the well-being of others and what you can do to inspire them (and yourself) to greatness. Being a great leader takes conscious effort to find balance between the ever-changing business goals and employee needs… all the time… everyday.

Thank you for reading ‘Work-Life Balance Requires Respect, Trust and Choice By Everyone’. If you have a moment, please let us know, “How do you respect work-life balance?”

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops and Posts That Drive Business Success

• What Is A Mission Statement?

• What Is A Vision Statement?

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

• Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting proudly offers leadership training and professional development.

Difficult Conversations: Never Easy – Always Worthwhile

 Conflict is everywhere and impossible to avoid. And that’s OK,

Even the most confident people don’t see difficult conversations and managing conflict as easy, stress free and certainly not the highlight of their day. But we can all learn how to manage difficult conversations so that we reduce overall stress and improve overall outcomes.

To help us manage difficult conversations I believe it’s important to accept that not all conflict is bad or inherently negative – in fact sharing constructive feedback and resolving conflict often builds stronger relationships, new ideas, greater respect and greater trust.

Imagine you have an employee who isn’t performing or whose behaviour is making work unpleasant for others. I propose it’s better to have a conversation that will be uncomfortable in the short term, but will give the employee the opportunity to see you as someone who cares about their personal and professional future. You are also empowering them to decide if they would like to adjust their behaviour and to continue building a successful career.

And the benefits to having difficult conversations and resolving conflict don’t end with the employee. Consider the benefit to team dynamics and corporate culture when a peaceful resolution is found versus the disruption a more volatile outcome will have for everyone.

First Steps

One of the first steps when having difficult conversations and / or sharing constructive feedback is to be clear how it will benefit us and the other person. In our personal lives, there are times it just isn’t worth it. Do we need to invest in a difficult conversation with a rude salesclerk? Maybe it is worth it… but often it is not. Alternatively, in our professional lives difficult conversations are important for many reasons like when our company values and performance objectives are not being met.

Another important step when having difficult conversations and resolving conflict is to have conversations as soon as possible. When inappropriate behaviour isn’t corrected quickly, it becomes the new norm and far more difficult (and costly) to correct later. Inappropriate behaviour also erodes the motivation, respect, and trust of everyone else on the team who must watch and potentially experience this behaviour first-hand.

Conclusion

There are many other steps to having a difficult conversation and resolving conflict including sharing stories of what you observed, encouraging an atmosphere where situations and solutions are explored versus placing blame, and never thinking the other person is evil / mean. But for now, let’s embrace the idea that conflict and difficult conversations are opportunities for us all to be respectful, improve and build greater trust.

In our next post, (which I will link here) I will discuss important steps to take when faced with conflict and the opportunity to have a respectful, empowering difficult conversations.

Thank you for reading ‘Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile’. I will link to other related difficult conversation articles in this series as I launch them.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

Honouring Our Values: Letting Values Be Our Guide During Adversity

Our values draw us toward people we admire and love. They guide our everyday choices and instinctively inform us to what is right and wrong behaviour. Our values are also our superpower when we encounter difficult situations and adversity. When we are challenged, our values help us make difficult decisions, reconciling what we should and should not do (or say and should not say), especially if there is a ‘price’ to pay for our action or inaction.

This article is an exploration of how we can ease our journey through adversity by understanding how our values can help us in a very conscious way.

Step 1. Know Our Personal and Professional Values and What They Mean To Us

Most of us don’t pay attention to our values, and that is OK. When nothing unusual is happening our values sit in the background, like software running on our computer always doing something. But there is still great benefit in taking time to get to know our personal and professional values and what they mean to us.

When we have explored what our values are and what they mean to us, we can use them to make the right decisions quickly and confidently… especially when we have to make difficult or challenging decisions. Knowing our values allows us to confidently stand for what we believe in and to show ourselves respect. This ability to make good decisions quickly also becomes part of our reputation, we become known for our quick, thoughtful, and reliable decision making.

Step 2. Consciously Use Our Values To Explore Challenging Situations

When we feel worried, confused, vulnerable or even threatened, what do we do? We have only two choices. React or Respond. 

When our emotions get triggered you and I react, and risk making less than ideal decisions. When we react our actions are based on instinct and have very little to no analytical engagement. Questions like “Why is this happening?”, “What is most important to me?, and “What are my options,” have a slim chance of being evaluated. We need to accept that when our values are challenged we often will feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and even defensive. But, it doesn’t have to be this way when we spend some time getting to know our values in advance.

We can respond with confidence and clarity of mind when we consciously, purposefully use our values to guide our decisions and actions. When we respond versus react, our values help us understand what is going on, what we are feeling and help us decide what we want to do next. We can evaluate what is important to us, the pros and cons of our actions and confidently be responsible for our decisions. All this may take only a fraction of a second or it may take some time… but it happens.

And, perhaps most important of all, knowing our values allow us to keep from forcing our values and our beliefs on others. I don’t believe our values should ever impact other people’s rights to express their values and beliefs. Challenging situations not only allow us to patiently evaluate a situation, they also allow us to evaluate our values, what they say about us and if this may be a time for us and/or our values to evolve.

Step 3. Use Our Values To Embrace Change and Growth

When we use our values to explore new ideas (or new values) and to consciously decide how we want to respond, means we are also giving ourselves a gift… we are giving ourselves an opportunity to learn, grow and change for the better every single time in a thoughtful, intentional way. Even the experience you are having at this moment by reading this article means you are intentionally using your values (like curiosity). And, even if you disagree with some or all of what I am sharing, the simple act of being thoughtful and evaluating a topic often translates to personal evolution and growth. I love this!

Unfortunately, fear sometimes prevents us from our instinct to grow. Instead of trying something new we go with what we know – what we think is safe but is actually holding us back. For example, how often do you order something completely different at a restaurant… or even choose to go to a new restaurant? I get it… the unknown can be scary and unpredictable. But look on the bright side, what new flavours, tastes and even company are you missing? What new favourite foods and friends might be out there so far… unexplored?

At work we have to accept that in today’s fast paced, highly technical, global market we can’t be expected to know everything. Even the smartest people and the best leaders don’t have all the answers. So, whether it is our personal lives, or our professional lives, we need to try to let our main values be ‘Growth Through Curiosity’ at least some of the time. We can learn to let our fear inform us and even empower us. Recognize that our fear is just letting us know there are new people and/or new information we have not yet had a chance to consider.

Conclusion

Get to know our values and how they can help us and the people around us in so many ways. Our values give us clarity and confidence, because getting to know our values allows us to get to know ourselves better.

Thank you for reading ‘Honouring Our Values: Letting Values Be Our Guide During Adversity’.

Be well and happy communicating, leading and creating a culture of belonging within your company or within your team.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• Having Difficult Conversations

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

What Is Servant Leadership?

This article explores the question “What is servant leadership?” and some recommendations for leaders who want to become great servant leaders.

Servant Leadership as a formal leadership approach has been around since the 1970’s. The positive impact a leader who follows the servant leadership approach has is impressive. It is widely accepted that employees who are supported by a leader who embraces the servant leadership model feel more engaged and purpose driven. In short, employees have greater trust in their leader and as such feel a greater sense of ownership, impact and creativity for their work and often the organization. All of this leads to employees who are more loyal and therefore turnover costs and loss of institutional knowledge decreases. 

I have to say I am not fond of the phrase ‘servant’, instinctively it is a negative trigger word for me and may be for you as well. And yes, I know that in this context it is meant as positive – to intentionally and willingly support others so they can be the best they can be. I liken this to how a parent chooses to put their children’s needs before their own so their children can grow and become the best they can be. Still, I wish that Robert K. Greenleaf who initially coined the name ‘Servant Leadership’ would have found another name.

I think it is important to lay a foundation and share my belief that every one of us can be called on to be a leader, no matter what our official title may be. For example, if people look to you for your expertise during a meeting, you are likely being a subject matter expert and leader in that moment. Therefore, anyone can follow the servant leadership model in their day-to-day work. Let me also share my belief that while an organization may not embrace a servant leadership culture, an individual can still develop a culture within their own department / bubble that embraces qualities of service leadership.

What Is The Difference Between Servant Leadership And Traditional Leadership?

A popular question is “What is the difference between servant leadership and traditional leadership?”

Servant leadership occurs when a leader sees the support and growth of their people (including their personal and professional health and development) as their main responsibility; basically, people come first. The main focus of a servant leader is to support the company’s employees and to provide them with the resources, information, flexibility, training and coaching they need (see my 11 Principles below), so they will be inspired and committed to working together to reach the company goals and market success. Service leadership is about empowering people as a valuable asset and enriching them in order to reach defined company goals.

Traditional Leadership focuses more on hierarchy and a high degree of guidance and influence in what employees do, how they do it and when; basically, company comes first. Following a pre-established process is typical in a traditional leadership model. Employees are given very little decision-making opportunity or autonomy. This ‘distance’ and lack of personal control means employees often feel very little ownership and commitment to their work or the company. The main focus of a traditional leader is to reach the company goals and market success in any way possible using people (to varying degrees) as a necessary resource.

Being A Servant Leader in 2022

Successful leaders in 2022 must accept they don’t have all the answers. New technology, new ways to work, new market conditions, new employee needs and new client needs are constantly shifting our world. Servant leaders embrace this and see this insight as a positive… a superpower that their competition may not (and often do not) have.

Servant leaders empower and inspire their employees to bring their whole self and unique expertise to each task. To do this servant leaders invest time to get to know the people around them. Servant leaders get to know people’s skills, what inspires them, how they communicate, their goals and opportunities for growth. Servant leaders learn how to help others succeed.

The same way a servant leader helps their employees develop new skills and be their best in their personal and professional lives, servant leaders also embrace growth in their own personal and professional lives; they serve as a living example for their team. In 2022, I believe one of the most important attributes of a successful leader is knowing that being a leader is a privilege and must be seen as a constant journey, a never-ending opportunity for each of us to invest in ourselves. There will always be strengths a great leader will have to learn, be reminded of and even re-learn. The moment a leader feels comfortable is the moment they will be losing their advantage.

Bruce Mayhew’s 11 Principles of a Powerful Servant Leader

As I mentioned above, I’m not thrilled about the term ‘Servant Leadership’ so for now I’m going to call these principles my ‘11 Principles of Service Leadership’. In one way of another, many of the people I work with ask me, “What do I have to do to be a great leader?” To be a leader no matter what your title says you are, you have to be committed to a life of learning about and practicing all of the following 11 principles.

1. Acceptance that leadership is a never-ending journey

2. Self-aware (Our Strengths, How We Act, Our Impact on Others)

3. Humanity (Values, Individuality, Empathy / Compassion)

4. Earn Trust (Faith, Confidence, Reliance / Commitment)

5. Vision (Dreamer, Prophet, Communicate Strategic Direction)

6. Transparent (Vision is shared, ‘Why’ is shared, Measurements of Success shared)

7. Foster Inclusivity (A trusted method for Input, Belonging, Diversity, Respect)

8. Be a Gardener to Individuals and Teams (Coach, Inspire, Ownership / Responsibility, Develop Others, Let others fail /learn, Support / Reward, Collaboration / Community)

9. Patience (Stamina, Serenity, A Listener)

10. Competence (Capability, Skill, Experience)

11. Character (Charm, Charisma, A Healer)

Conclusion

A servant leader sees beyond the company goals and ROI and instead actively seeks to develop and empower each employee and to align each employees’ goals and need with the goals and needs of the company.

I encourage you to explore how you can position your employees first and how you can align their goals with the goals of the company. On your own leadership journey, explore how self-aware you are and the trust you may or may not be developing as you support and communicate with others. And don’t forget to invest in yourself. Being a great leader is rarely a natural skill and learning how to be a great leader is not easy and doesn’t happen overnight. If you need help, find a mentor and a coach (I said and, not or) to help you become a better leader.

Thank you for reading “What Is Servant Leadership?”. I look forward to your thoughts, comments, stories.

Learn More About Our Leadership Training

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• Email Etiquette Training

• Having Difficult Conversations

• Developing Business Stories

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

My 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

Have you ever felt you just needed someone to hear you – to listen to what you were feeling or experiencing and to not judge you, offer advice or problem solve? Sometimes all we need is for people to respect us enough to acknowledge that what we are experiencing is real to us even if they can’t relate to or fully understand what we are going through.

I recall a conversation with a great friend about a time when they were having a heated disagreement with their partner at home. My friend was not feeling they mattered or was being respected. During this disagreement their partner kept saying, “Just tell me what you want me to say.” My friend said this frustrated them even more. They felt disrespected because (in their words) “My feelings and needs were being treated like an equation, that whenever I said X that my partner should respond with Y and all would be fine”. My friend had not studied emotional intelligence or empathy, but they knew that their feelings were not linear and predictable. All my friend wanted was to trust that they mattered enough that they could share what they were experiencing with their partner and to feel respected and safe… even if their partner didn’t fully understand their feelings and needs.

The example I share with you is clearly a personal one, but it would not take much to imagine a similar workplace disagreement. Lets face it, workplaces are filled with policies, guidelines and rules. And while policies, guidelines and rules are important to healthy workspaces, so are things like trust, patience, care and respect to help everyone know they matter.

This month I’ve focused much of my writing on the topic of empathy. Some of my other recent posts are ‘The Importance of Empathy at Work’ and ‘How to Practice Empathy at Work’. I also have one called ‘The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations’ on the drawing board that I expect to publish soon. But for this article I felt it important to share an example of our need for empathy and to outline 8 habits of highly empathic people and how these habits can help build relationships based on positivity and respect because we are all capable of empathy and we are all in need of empathy.

My 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

Habit 1: Empathetic people are intentionally curious about other people, places, how things are done… and why. They see life as a collection of experiences and that growth and change are what help us evolve, stay healthy and stay interesting.

Habit 2: Empathetic people openly embrace opportunities to authentically experience how other people live, eat, work, rest and play. They know that their needs, feelings, experiences, likes and dislikes are unique to themselves and that there is a great opportunity for them to both learn from other people as well as teach other people.

Habit 3. They spend time trying to understand their own emotions in order to understand their own motivation, communication style, actions and impact. They know that their greatest accomplishment is to know themselves and that as they learn about themselves they are able to build better relationships with other people.

Habit 4. They challenge their own prejudices and biases – looking instead for goals, needs, experiences and/or feelings we have in common. Empathic people realize that as humans, it is natural and often healthy to have prejudices and biases that help us quickly respond to opportunity or danger. But, empathic people also know there are many times when we have to overcome some of our learned prejudices and biases so we (and others) can grow and be amazing.

Habit 5: Empathic people embrace growth, imagination and new ideas. Empathic people also know that some of us have an insatiable appetite for growth and change while others (like my mother) approach change slowly… and all approaches are OK.

Habit 6. They do what they can to help other people feel safe and respected, especially if they don’t agree with them. Empathic people find time to be with other people without needing to understand them, change them or fix them.

Habit 7. Empathic people listen without needing to speak, problem solve or push their agenda. They watch body language and what someone may be saying, not saying and needing. Instead of commenting they ask open-ended questions or may just stay silent and present.

Habit 8: They spend time trying to understand the emotions others may be experiencing in order to understand their own motivation, communication style actions and impact. As part of their own learning cycle they see communication as a way to learn about and support other people as well as an opportunity to learn about and support themselves.

Lets just be clear there is a difference between kindness and empathy. For example:

• Getting a coffee for a coworker when you are going for one yourself is kindness.

• Getting a coffee for a coworker who is struggling to meet a deadline, loves their morning coffee and hasn’t had a chance to get away from their desk is kindness and empathy.

• Getting a coffee for your boss to gain favour is sucking up.

Why Studying Empathy Is Important

I believe studying empathy is important because it is what binds us together. As Jo Cox, a famous British Member of Parliament who fought for social justice and equality said, “We have more in common than what divides us”. Looking at what we have in common used to be easy, but in today’s global, digital, hyper-connected, hyper-disconnected, instantaneous and often competitive world, it is easy to only see what is different and separates us.

Empathy helps build trust and respect. And even when this process is slow, when we strive to understand and trust each other we are more likely to work together to find collaborative, mutually beneficial, Win-Win solutions. The alternative is Win-Lose, and why should we settle for Win-Lose when Win-Win is an option?

Studying empathy is important because it is in decline. A study by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research combined the results of 72 different studies between 1979 and 2009. Using meta-analysis researcher Sara Konrath found that participants in 2009 were 40% less empathetic than participants in 1979, and the steepest decline in empathy took place over the last decade.

In our world today we are often disconnected from those around us. This starts early as more and more children are entertained and communicate almost exclusively using smart phones and smart pads instead of watching and engaging with people around them. Just the other day I was in a restaurant and a small child around 3-years old was consumed with playing a game on a tablet while their parents ignored them and talked among themselves. How is that child going to learn how to recognize feelings (their own and others) and then also learn how to express and manage them when they are shut off during their most impressionable time of their lives? I recall when I was young my parents would not even allow the TV or radio to be on during a meal which in retrospect I am very grateful.

Conclusion

I’d like to leave you with one final thought. Empathy is like a muscle; sometimes situations are so familiar like when we pick up a glass we don’t even realize we are using our strength. But often we find ourselves needing a bit more strength to lift heavy things or a delicate touch when dealing with something fragile. When it comes to empathy, many of us are good with the average please and thank you, but more often than we forget we need to pay attention to our emotional strength. Perhaps it will be an argument with our partner or it will be discussing a difference of opinion with coworkers; whatever the situations are, these are times when our previous investment into understanding and expressing our empathy ‘muscle’ will be important.

In those cases, I hope that following these habits of highly empathic people can help you exercise your empathy and keep in mind how to keep trust, patience, care and respect in mind.

Thank you for reading about my 8 habits of highly empathic people.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• The Importance of Empathy at Work

• How to Practice Empathy at Work

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work
  

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How to Practice Empathy at Work

Some people are naturally more empathic than others

Generally, we begin to develop our empathic skills when we are children by observing and learning from our family, communities, coaches, mentors, teachers and entertainment. When we mirror these behaviours we are rewarded (often with praise and attention) which further locks our understanding and comfort exhibiting these behaviours. During this process we usually also gain an ability to recognize empathic behaviours in others. The same goes when we practice empathy at work. When we are rewarded we repeat behaviours – both good and bad. So, in order to practice empathy at work we have to have leaders, coworkers and even suppliers and customers who demonstrate empathy and we all (or at least most of us) have to reward each other when we recognize it.

Why Do We Struggle Accessing Empathy?

To experience empathy we have to get in touch with our emotions. It is natural our empathy may be underdeveloped if our awareness, understanding and practice of empathy has not been nurtured. In more extreme cases, some people suffer from Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD), but for most of us we all have some level of empathy. Some of us are more empathetic than others and many of us have learned to me more empathetic or less empathetic in certain situations, like at work.

There are many reasons why we may struggle accessing empathy. Here are eight:

1. We may learn to not feel empathy for survival. Imagine a hostile family setting or workspace that we can’t leave because of financial reasons. Knowingly or not, we may learn to not feel based for survival. Unfortunately, shutting down in one space often impacts all the other spaces we exist.

2. People who have an empathy impairment may be antisocial or have a narcissistic personality, autism or schizophrenia. Another reason people demonstrate low levels of empathy is that they may have been raised in families that avoided their feelings and even condemned others for feeling emotions. Some people have learned to shut down their feelings early in their lives to such a degree that they can’t even recognize or name their own feelings, and if we can’t recognize our own feelings we certainly can’t feel empathy for what other people are feeling, needing or experiencing.

   Whatever the reason, people who lack empathy are often disconnected from themselves and the people around them. They may not even aware of their disconnect and that something important is missing. In most cases these people need professional support to learn to connect with their emotions.

3. Some businesspeople may wrongly have learned that empathy makes them weak or has no place in business / at work.

4. In our personal lives some people may push away empathy and vulnerability in relationships in order to protect themselves because they have been hurt in the past.

5. Some people may believe that if the empathize with someone that means they agree. (It does not).

6. Some people may have learned that showing empathy means they are weak.

7. Some people avoid empathy so that they can avoid dealing with their own fears and emotions that may cause them pain. Truth is, it is likely that those unprocessed feelings are causing them pain anyway. Again, the best way to learn to safely connect with their emotions is to get professional support.

8. Some people may believe empathy also means we share an unhealthy or inappropriate intimacy.

Empathy Is A Teachable Skill. How We Can Build And Practice Empathy At Work

Yes, we can learn to be more empathetic over time. This change process is called Neuro plasticity – the creation of new brain patterns. Neuro plasticity is like a reset – the more we change practice the more new habits become new reflexes. And, as I mentioned earlier, in the most difficult cases the best way to learn to safely connect with emotions will likely mean getting professional support.

The same way that great leaders become great by studying leadership techniques, learning and practicing, same goes for empathy. In most adult cases, learning to cultivate empathy and create new brain patterns is possible only when the individual is willing to change. We should also recognize that while supportive people and environments help us cultivate our empathy, angry and disconnected people and environments can weaken our ability to access our own empathy.

As A Leader… Helping Your Team or Team Member Practice Empathy At Work

As a leader I recommend the following two-step approach to helping your team or a member of your team be more empathetic.

Step 1.

The approach to teaching empathy often is customized depending on the person’s motivation and personal style and their environment / culture. In all circumstances, appreciation, positive rewards and recognition are also strongly encouraged as a core element to help individuals feel good about the empathetic choices they are making.

Whether in a personal or business space steps all related to manage each other’s expectations:

1. Share with them what behaviours are expected and not expected. Whether it is a technical skill or a soft skill, people can’t do what you expect if they don’t know what you expect.

2. Share why the behaviours that are expected and why they are important to the family and/or company as well as themselves. We all have greater motivation when we know the benefit (the why) our efforts are important and how we are making a difference.

3. Begin with empathy experiences that will resonate with their own goals and personal motivators. For example, if they are motivated by being seen as an expert in an area or by knowing they have contributed / added to a project, point out how you demonstrate empathy as a reward.

4. Be careful with what is considered ‘constructive feedback’. In time this will be a useful tool, but in the early stages it may feel demotivating. Instead, in the early stages focus far more on progress made while still acknowledging room for further development. Once individuals experienced success and gained some confidence in the process and their ability… and trust you, constructive feedback can be included. It may also be helpful to use a hypothetical example of how to demonstrate empathy when someone is falling short of expectations. This may provide some clarity without having to impact potential fears until their confidence or trust improves.

Step 2.

Learn to use / deepen your empathy. Your brain has neuroplasticity, it changes based on you repeating actions and / or though patterns and eventually they become routine, easy to access or easy to do. To learn how to be more empathetic, use your body to help your mind.

1. Listen with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine what it would be like to have experienced what they are experiencing… or perhaps remember a time when you have felt like they feel… even if the circumstances are different.

   1. Listen more than you talk – listen attentively. Don’t think about what you will say.

   2. Ask open ended questions like “Tell me more”

   3. Notice how you are feeling – the first step in self-regulating. The second step is to ask “Is what I’m feeling helpful? How do I want to respond? Should I respond? What will be helpful? Will being quiet be what they really need now?

   4. Imagine how they might be feeling. Name the feelings. “They are angry”, “They are feeling they don’t matter” etc.

      1. Discuss how you would feel if you felt that. Would you be motivated or demotivated? What would you do in the short and long term

      2. Discuss the feelings they might be having. Would they be motivated or demotivated? How might they act in the short and long term.

2. Afterwards, explore what you learned about yourself and about them.  Where did you empathize? How did it go?  What went well? What might you do a bit differently next time?

As An Individual… Helping Yourself Practice Empathy At Work

If you are trying to help yourself fine-tune your empathy, I have a few recommendations to help you become more empathetic.

1. Do not try to change everything all at once. One of the first steps in this process is recognition of feelings and emotions within ourselves.

2. Don’t start on something that is going to be most difficult for you to change.

3. Do try to change something that is going to have meaningful, noticeable impact so you can feel a win, those around you can notice your effort and change and your efforts will make a difference.

Example: Perhaps start with offering greater recognition and being a mindful listener, but when it comes to having difficult conversations, bring support to those discussions. See growth as one step at a time and that eventually you will be prepared to handle difficult conversations on your own.

Conclusion

The more experiences we have feeling and learning about emotions – especially as youngsters, the more capable at managing our own emotions and being able to correctly recognize and relate to those emotions in other. As adults it can be a longer process but learning how to be more empathetic starts with recognizing the need and practicing empathy.

Let me leave you with one quick discussion of what not to do if you want to be more empathetic.

1. Don’t invalidate other persons feelings.

2. Don’t tell others how they should or should not feel (You shouldn’t think that, you should be grateful).

3. Don’t one-up them, “I know how you feel” or “You think that is big, listen to what happened to me”.

Thank you for reading about how to practice empathy at work.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• The Importance of Empathy at Work

• 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Build Employee Commitment

Employee commitment is one of the most important qualities leaders can cultivate with their team; it is a powerful asset - a multiplier of productivity, creativity and loyalty. The beauty is that people like you and me like to commit; committing makes us feel part of something important. But we will not commit if we feel we are being neglected, taken advantage of, abused, excluded, under-appreciated or lied to (I’m sure you can think of others to add to this list).

What Do I Mean By Commitment?

Commitment is built when people add their voice to a conversation or brainstorming meeting and their voice is respected and considered. Even if their idea didn’t make it into the final decision, because their voice was respected and valued during the process, they begin to fully invest in the decision the team made. This is an example of a strong corporate culture and how trust and healthy conflict lead to building employee commitment at work.

Studies prove there is a direct and measurable link between commitment and employee performance factors like transparency, creativity, productivity, work quality and turnover. For example, when employee commitment is high, turnover is almost always low while transparency, creativity, productivity and quality of work are high. When employee commitment is low, turnover is almost always high while most other measurement criteria are low.

Not surprising, without commitment the success of every project is in jeopardy. Because commitment is critical to success, it is important leaders cultivate commitment and know how to inspire the employees they support. Traditionally, companies focused on job security and money as primary motivators. While that approach may have been great in the 1950’s, it is not a great option with today’s four-generations of highly educated, multicultural employees working within a fast-paced global economy.

Diving Deeper Into How To Build Commitment

Let’s not even bother discussing the myth of job security in today’s economy. And, even though getting paid a fair wage is important, money is no longer a good motivator. Money and the hope of a raise 12 months from now have a poor track record at inspiring most people to do more than what is required to get a ‘meets expectations’ at their next annual review. Even bonuses quickly become expected and turn into what is called a ‘hygiene motivator’ (without it you would not be able to attract new employees and current employees would stop showing up). If you don’t agree, try eliminating bonuses and just watch your employee turnover increase exponentially while performance and employee morale drop like a stone. But all hope of building commitment is not lost, there are far more effective (and virtually free) motivators known as intrinsic motivators.

I introduce the top 10 motivators in my Leadership Training courses, but for the purpose of this article let me share the following top five intrinsic motivators that brilliantly build commitment and workplace excellence:

1. Being respected and valued at work

2. Doing interesting and challenging work

3. Professional development / opportunities

4. Achieving something / doing something important

5. Being given greater responsibility

Take a moment to let it sink in that ‘being respected and valued at work’ is frequently rated the #1 motivator to help build employee commitment. This is no surprise because everyone, no matter what work they do or how long they’ve been working want to be respected and valued. You know this is true because I am certain this is one of your key motivators.

Being respected and valued also ties into a basic human need to be ‘seen’ and ‘included’, to have our voices heard. It is our inborn and intrinsic desire to matter; we all want to make a difference. When you think of it, being respected and valued fits perfectly into any organizations plan to improve diversity and inclusion (D&I). Because intrinsic motivators are so important, let’s look at how both leaders and employees can use them to drive personal and professional success:

• As a leader I believe one of our most important jobs is to learn - to be curious about which intrinsic motivators inspire each member of our team. Remember, people are individuals and everyone will be motivated by different things at different intensities. One person may be motivated by doing interesting and challenging work while another is motivated by professional development / opportunities.

• As an employee I believe one of our most important jobs is to determine which motivators are most important to us and to then share that information with our leader; help our leader (and frankly other members of our team), inspire us. For example, perhaps you want greater responsibility and professional development opportunities because you want your career to grow. If this is you then make sure your leader knows and doesn’t have to guess at what your future ambitions are and how to help you / motivate you because they may think you are content with your position and therefore doing interesting and challenging work will keep you inspired and committed to excellence.

Live The Company Values:

As important as motivation is to cultivate commitment, leaders must also demonstrate integrity. One of the easiest ways I've found to do that is to live the company values. Two of the most important values I’ve discussed in previous articles that demonstrate how a leader can build commitment are:

• To trust and be trustworthy (to be dependable)

• Show respect (by giving everyone the opportunity to share ideas)

I believe these values (which are part of almost every organizations core value set), have a symbiotic relationship; you either have both or you have neither. For example, if an employee doesn’t trust their leader they will never freely share their ideas.

When it comes to gaining employee commitment to a plan, the best way to do this is to have each person add their unique expertise, education and lived experience to the solution. Employees have to trust each other and their leader to be honest, transparent, and respectful. It means not ever feeling attacked or made fun of when we share our ideas or experience. It also means that if my boss needs to share constructive feedback with me, I am confident I will be respected and can trust their feedback comes from a place of making me, the team, the project and the company better. Note: That feedback should also be timely - delivered as soon as possible within a private conversation.

For me, one other element is needed to cultivate commitment within a team. I have always found it important to create a workspace culture that helps employees learn about each other and from each other. I believe this familiarity reinforces the idea that we all have something to say and something to learn. Many professionals recommend activities that help employees discover what they have in common. I like those - but I also like activities that help employees learn what is different / unique about each other. I believe this helps them understand each other’s unique contribution potential.

When a team knows they can trust their leader and each-other, that is when they will do their best work… and feel proud an energized at the same time.

Conclusion:

Building commitment at work isn’t always easy but it’s a priority of every successful leader that I know. A conscious decision to build employee commitment really does make a difference. I’ve seen mediocre teams transform into high-performing teams in months when they got a new leader… and I’ve seen high-performing teams unravel in weeks when they got a poor leader.

One last observation about commitment (I did not want to scare you above). Commitment has many layers (holding back a reference to the children’s movie Shrek). I believe there are four key places where individuals channel our commitment.

1. Commitment to ourselves and our work (and our family / friends)

2. Commitment to our leader 

3. Commitment to our team (or project teams)

4. Commitment to our company

For the purpose of this article, perhaps you don’t need to focus on these - what I’ve shared above might be the most important for now. But, do keep these four areas in the back of your mind. They may help explain behaviour as you see it unfold.

TRUST Bonus:

To build trust everyone has to understand what behaviour is appropriate and what is not appropriate…. and to be held accountable. For example, Alan Mulally (one of the most successful and celebrated leaders and former CEO of Boeing and Ford) has 11 Working Together Principles and Practices. Four of those are:

1. Everyone included

2. Clear performance goals

3. One plan

4. Respect, listen, help and appreciate each other

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about employee commitment at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Why Trust Matters and How To Build Trust At Work

A productive team trusts each other.

Building a successful team takes self-awareness and courage; it also takes empathy, listening and trust. 

Trust is when you can depend on something or someone… at least this is the definition I work with. Yes, this is a simple definition, but even so trust is often elusive… especially trust at work.

While doing research for this article I came across the following quote from D. Bowlby that stopped me cold because it's so amazingly relevant to a leader from my past I had to endure.

“If you do not trust your own judgments, actions, and decisions, you will question the motives of others."

Imagine the damage a leader can do to the morale and cohesion of a team when, instead of trusting recommendations as points for discussion, their own ego sees any and all recommendations as threats. In one particular instance I know of, the leader even went so far as to allege unsubstantiated workplace harassment and bullying against members of their senior team. This unfortunately is a real example that lead to months of stress, expense and long-term loss of income for the organization and the many people caught in the leaders loosely cast - ego driven net. Sadly, I am sure this scenario has played out many times in corporations and associations of all sizes.

There are many ways to destroy trust. For example, laughing at an idea or observation a fellow team member has is one of the most efficient ways to destroy trust… and show disrespect. Another is to cast aside recommendations using the age-old and exhausting excuse, “We tried that in the past and it didn’t work.” In my opinion, anyone who has lived through the last 12 months... never mind the last century should know nothing can be taken for granted, there are always lessons to be learned and whatever didn’t work yesterday might very well work today or in the future.

But enough of the negative; lets look at how to build trust on a team.

Patrick Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team and founder of the Table Group describes trust in two ways:

1. Predictive Trust

2. Vulnerability Based Trust

The following are my professional reflections of these two types of trust.

Predictive Trust is usually built over time – from experience. My interpretation of Predictive Trust is when I can count on (or predict) what you will say or do in a certain circumstance. For example: If my partner asks, “Do you want ice-cream?” he can trust I will say, “Yes please.”

Vulnerability Based Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” or “I am sorry” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked. Vulnerability Trust means you can be in a meeting and suggest a course of action or idea and you will not fear you may be laughed at or mocked. I believe Vulnerability Trust is more personal – more tender.

Based on the Difficult Conversations training I do with clients, I would say Vulnerability Trust is also where someone can say to me, “You messed up” “You are letting the team down” or “I can’t give you what you want” and I will stay open and keep listening because I trust the other person is sharing information in good faith and likely for my benefit, even if it’s difficult / disappointing for me to hear. Vulnerability Trust is where two people can discuss sensitive topics and even disagree, but stay present and keep doing their best work, moving forward to find solutions instead of assigning blame to setbacks and gaps. It’s when team members can stay in discussion / dialogue without being defensive or shutting down.

How To Develop Productive Trustworthy Teams

To develop productive teams Patrick Lencioni believes leaders must intentionally nurture vulnerability and I 100% agree. 

The following are two ways leaders can build trust within their team. Then, at the end of this article I quickly reference 11 more ways to create a safe, trusting workplace culture.

But before I go any further, I want to be perfectly clear that not all leaders have the title ‘leader’. In many big and small ways leadership responsibilities are often shared between co-workers depending on what is needed by the team and the project at that moment.

1. The quickest way to build vulnerability trust on a team is for the leader to demonstrate it. Otherwise, why would a team trust their leader if the leader never trusted or respected their team / team members? The best leaders quickly acknowledge when they need help and (equally importantly) their mistakes. Trusted leaders don't take control of every situation; they don't pretend they are all-knowing, and they don’t get ‘defensive’ when asked a question or given advice. Team members gain confidence when leaders are honest and respectful and demonstrate its ok to speak up when they have a question and/or an opinion. They start thinking things like “Since my leader is honest and up front with me, I can see it's OK for me to be honest and upfront with them,” and “There are things I can do and things I cannot do, the important thing is to ask each other for help.”

2. Another way for anyone to build vulnerability trust is to give credit to others. A trustworthy leader will not think twice before saying something like, “I know you have been working on this, and while I think you are doing well it’s a long journey and I do hope you stick with it,” or “I know bringing your concerns to me was not easy and I want to acknowledge that. I’m pleased we can be honest and open.”

Of course vulnerability trust also strengthens relationships between co-workers. The important thing to know is that this works… it really really works!

• I’ve worked with leaders who show disconnected individuals how to trust each other, turning them into highly productive and highly loyal teams who have a renewed loyalty to each other and the organization.

• I’ve seen great teams disintegrate when a great leader leaves and a weak leader replaces them. Recently leader I admire shared with me that in just over one year his previous team of 20 loyal, hard working professionals (who also found time to laugh with each other), experienced 100% turnover except for one person. Imagine! 

11 Ways To Create A Safe, Trusting Workplace Culture

Here are 11 ways leaders and teams create a safe, trusting work culture (yes, some of these mean we have to be vulnerable… but if we are not willing to be, it sends a signal that others cannot be either):

1. Eliminate disparaging talk and gossip. We have to all feel safe and that we are being open, honest, respectful and respected.

2. Be transparent and honest about goals, challenges, news. Share ‘What’ and ‘Why’.

3. Know your preferred work style and strengths and take time to understand and appreciate another's work styles and strengths. Myers Brigs and SuccessFinder are two great tools to use, learn from and share with your team.

4. Take time to learn about each other but don’t push if people want to be more private than you.

5. Share your successes and also share your failures - this gives others permission to make mistakes

6. Admit when you are wrong, make mistakes and readily apologize.

7. Acknowledge and celebrate the successes of others.

8. Listen to others and take their advice – help them be proud by giving them credit for their ideas and experience.

9. Be willing to learn from each other. Leaders especially need to demonstrate they don’t know it all and are willing to learn from their team.

10. Don’t make assumptions about people’s behaviour or actions – watch your conscious and unconscious biases especially concerning challenging news.

11. Don’t hold grudges – deal with situations, learn from them and move on – be an example.

While trust is the main topic of this blog post, you may also be interested in a blog I wrote last year called 5 Stages of Team Development.

It takes courage and bravery to build trust… especially vulnerability trust. There will be times you wish you didn’t, but as Brené Brown says, “If you choose courage, you will absolutely know disappointment, setback and even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage.” But I promise you, trusting yourself and others gives you a unique strength.

BONUS: Trust Helps When Hearing Bad News

We can begin to manage our defence triggers (fight & flight) when we know we are respected, supported and won’t be made a fool of. When we trust we learn to stay present and listen to unpleasant feedback or be part of decisions that, while they go against our personal or professional self-interest, we can still support because we know the decisions are made with honesty and in-line with the agreed upon goals.

Conclusion

While it is possible for great teams to form without a strong leader, the most productive, most loyal teams exist when a strong leader createsa safe, trusting, transparent workspace where team members feel they belong and are treated with dignity and respect. The beauty is, when you have trust you can have conflict. I don’t mean conflict like wars and fighting… I mean discussions, (perhaps even loud passionate discussions), but still discussions that show respect and appreciation.

To end, I want to leave you with this one thought. I wish I could remember where I read it and who to credit; I’m not even sure I am quoting it right, but here it goes, “You can’t trust when you have to sacrifice respectful honesty in order to protect and feed someone ego.” Please, don’t be the person with an ego that others have to protect.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about workplace culture, predictive trust and vulnerability trust.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 1

Nobody should be bullied, and the excuse of working in a high pressure / critical workspace is no excuse at all. Sadly, bullies of all shapes and sizes are actively throwing chaos, low morale and low productivity into even the calmest of workspaces.

Thank you in advance for wanting to explore this complex topic. This is Part 1 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

A bully’s behavior is tolerated at work for many reasons. For example:

• The bully appears to be a high-performer and therefore perceived to be valuable. But, while they may be winning big accounts, in addition to being a bully they may be alienating others and/or not sharing recognition. Truth is, the situations they create likely cost the company a fortune due to low morale of other employees as well as lower productivity, creativity and attention to detail. In addition, there is likely higher than average employee turnover and an overall negative impact on suppliers and customers.

• Others around the bully may see the bully as a great way for them to ascend to a power or profit position. We see this often in politics, but it happens within the political sphere of business as well. While victims pile up, the enablers who are benefiting keep their heads down and quietly support the bully (or at least allow them to function) while hoping (with no guarantee) that their loyalty will keep them from becoming a victim.

• The bully may be well cloaked, passing themselves off as a collaborator, an enlightened non-violent friend-of-all, meanwhile they consistently grab positions of power. As masters of passive aggressiveness and fearful of not being seen as ‘the expert’, their goal is to control situations by putting themselves at the center of every positive decision and far away from any shortcoming. Truth is, once you begin recognizing their behaviour, these bullies are easily spotted since they rarely make quick decisions to novel situations. Instead, they look to form a committee to working group.

What Makes A Bully Become A Bully? 

Generally, many professionals who study workplace dynamics and bullies specifically say people are bullies for a few reasons. For example:

1. The bully craves power. Bullying is a habit that has worked for them in the past to help them get the power they desire. Often these people also feel inadequate (and insecure) and use bullying as a way to compensate and push high-value people away – again helping them look and feel good.

2. They feel success is a competition; a zero-sum-game and feel they have to always come out on top – as the winner. Because they see things through the lens of “If you win then I lose” or in other words, “If you have a good idea, I look less valuable” they feel threatened by others. This is often apparent for people who apply great value to hierarchy (in any of its many forms). They see others as competition instead of team members and attack them and/or their ideas, trying to tarnish their reputation or confidence.

3. The bully has suffered themselves, feels insecure and handles that badly. Consciously or unconsciously, they’ve learned over time that putting others down helps them feel better.

4. The bully is overwhelmed and sees power in knowledge, not leadership. Often this bully is cloaked as the collaborator, they are slow to make decisions, always looking for input from others. They become a bully-thief. When plans are put in place, they position themselves as the hero who orchestrated the solution and presents the final strategy.

Personally, for the last year I’ve been experiencing a particularly nasty combination of both bullying and passive aggressive behaviour from a (so called) leader. Fortunately, I was able to disconnect with relative ease – but the impact is still great. Even though I’ve distanced myself 100%... and if feels so good to get away, I’m also learning there is a long list of people who came before. And worse of all, there are many people who can’t get away so easily.

As I reflect on my own experience of being bullied I have to admit that even with all of my experience as a leader in a corporate world… even with all of the research I have done in relation to generational differences, communication, leadership and diversity, I did not see this one coming. In retrospect I realize I made excuses for the bully… excuses like:

1. They really didn’t mean it

2. I was misinterpreting their behaviour

3. They were on a steep learning curve

4. They were experiencing unprecedented situations (Covid-19)

5. They wanted my support as a coach so I should try harder and give them more opportunity.

Turns out, only #4 was true. They did mean it, I wasn’t misinterpreting their behaviour, they had no interest in learning or changing their approach and my support only tapped their insecurities even more – I assume because would have to admit they were not all knowing and all seeing (and no leader is).

What Happens When We Are Bullied?

Bullies are commonly found in leadership positions or some other position of authority. This often makes it difficult for victims and potential victims to get support; this is one reason people often stay silent when they feel they’ve been bullied. Unfortunately, this often empowers and emboldens the bully.

When we are bullied, victims feel increasing levels of stress, anxiety, fear, depression, high blood pressure, insecurity and often lower self-worth, especially when they stay silent. Even if victims quit their job to get away, victims usually carry their feelings of lower self-worth forward for years to come.

My personal experience is just another reminder that the best leader is the one who supports their team to share their expertise – not the one who is jealous of it or intimidated by it.

Either way – being bullied – or being a bully isn’t cool.

Conclusion:

Please continue exploring this topic in any and all ways possible. In my three articles I cover just the beginning of an important topic with many variabilities.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 2: Explores Education And Setting Up Support Systems

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 3: Explores Bullying versus Performance Management

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 2

Nobody should be bullied at work and this is Part 2 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

Thank you in advance for wanting to explore this complex topic.

As mentioned in Section I of this article, the situations bullies create cost the company a fortune due to low morale, low productivity and creativity as well as higher turnover. And, no matter what the cause, lower workplace satisfaction always has a long-term negative impact on customer satisfaction. Studies consistently show that great places to work often outperform average organizations. Glassdoor studies show on average, stocks of companies rated as ‘Best Places To Work’ earned 20.3 percent per year between 2009 and 2019, compared to 12.9 percent for the S&P 500. https://www.glassdoor.com/research/stock-returns-bptw-2020/

An Organization Must Be Proactive To Stand Against Bullying

We all hope we will be the exception and never have to deal with a bullying situation on our team. I hate to break it to you some day you will – and you will be lucky if it only happens once through your career. But careers are long and bullies are everywhere.

Education for everyone is the best first line of defence and it will support all other important initiatives you should take. As my dad would say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” and in this situation he is right at both the organization level and team level.

1. Bullying Education

Don’t wait to see bullying to begin arranging anti-bullying education. There are as many nuances to bullying as there are colours, and what feels like bullying to one person can be completely acceptable to someone else. 

Use education to make everyone aware of the signs of bullying. A thoughtful education plan makes sure everyone has a similar understanding of what bullying is.  It also outlines the support resources that are available for themselves or for others if they feel they are watching someone else getting bullied.

Education begins to empower victims to take action and learn how address an issue. It also has the potential to disrupt issues early before they become big. And while I say this, I also have to point out three things:

1. Everyone must participate in education and participate in the exploration of what it is like to be a bully and what it is like to be bullied. It assumes everyone approach this topic with curiosity.

2. To have impact on someone who is a bully (or a potential bully), if education is going to help, the individual must also be self-aware. They have to realize they are responsible for their behaviour and for how they are seen by others. This won’t always happen and will often require a more direct approach.

3. Thirdly, help a bully (or potential bully), they have to want to not be one.

Note: Consider including this education within discussions about Diversity and Inclusion (D&I) to even further empower your team and balance your workspaces. Education should also be part of all on-boarding programs.

As part of the education program I believe it’s important to discuss how and why situations that may trigger one person may not trigger another. Different people have different communication styles resulting in one person’s actions being interpreted as aggressive. In this case, education is beneficial for both parties. Education also is important to stay open and mindful of others. For example, everyone can learn how and why their actions may evoke unexpected responses in others while at other times they may be unintentionally triggered by others who have a different communication style.

Education helps each of us recognize when we are triggered and to explore why and how we respond. This awareness helps us to have productive conversations early-on about expectations and how we are feeling which often results in building greater trust between individuals and teams.

It’s worth repeating that as everyone learns about what bullying looks like, it provides an opportunity for everyone self-reflect and recognise if our own actions may be perceived as bullying by someone else, even if their intentions are innocent. Two important things here. First, self-reflection isn’t guaranteed. Just because someone participating in this training doesn’t mean he or she recognizes their actions as being bullying or takes responsibility for them. Also, even if they do recognize the impact of their actions, they have to want to not be a bully. Some people will not want to let this go… or even know how to, especially if it has become part of their core personality and they think it has served them well in the past. The thing is, while they may think being a bully has paid off for them, they have way of knowing how successful they could have been if they were not seen as a bully, but instead seen as a supportive leader and honest, trustworthy collaborator.

This approach is important because it teaches everyone that we must all work together, recognizing, celebrating and giving room for each other’s unique individuality. To be clear, this is not a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card. Everyone must learn that they have a responsibility to their reputation and the health of the corporate culture.

2. Include Everyone In Defining, Updating And Reviewing Policies

I like to think of policies not as a ‘What To Do When’ reference but instead as a guideline that can adapt to meet the needs of specific situations. That said, policies should include three steps.

1. An agreement of how we should all behave and why. This should happen from a legal perspective. It’s also imperative policies consider the values of the organization. This step requires training & numerous discussions for all. This requires the organizations values are clearly defined (which in itself is an inclusive process that easily takes months).

2. Shared awareness that different people communicate in different ways, manage hierarchy and manage urgency. This includes recognition that how we communicate is both an instinctive and learned behaviour, shaped by many things including our family and cultural experiences / norms: This requires training & numerous discussions for all.

3. An agreement by all on how to approach conversations respectfully and how / where to escalate conversations in a safe and respectful way for everyone. Difficult conversation training also requires training & numerous discussions for all; the extra benefit is that this training is useful throughout our career.

Everyone should feel they are investing in the process; making sure it is understood and both safe to discuss situations in private with someone and an easy-to-follow process.

3. Set Up Allies For Victims: Different Avenues For Escalation / Discussion 

Leadership will attract behaviour that is identified as bully behaviour. Leadership will also attract behaviour that is perceived as bullying, but it is not… it’s Performance Management (more on this below). But bully behaviour is not isolated at the leadership level; it’s estimated that close to 40% of incidence happen by peers or lower-level employees… and sometimes by customers or suppliers.

Because a leader may be the bully or the perceived bully, it may be impossible or uncomfortable for an employee to directly approach their leader. It’s therefore important there are trained individuals who can be the first line of discussion and potential escalation for people feeling bullied. At times, these individuals can be employees intentionally chosen from different levels of the organization. But, support outside of the organization is also a healthy idea, especially for smaller organizations. 

These ‘Allies’ should have training that helps them recognize potential bully behaviour so they can be an impartial sounding board and emotional support. With that knowledge, these persons can begin to safely, confidentially and impartially guide the individual about the initial steps of discussion and escalation which may include coordinating with an internal or external professional who specializes in workplace investigation and mediation.

It is important that when a complaint is made, both the victim and the alleged bully deserve an impartial, confidential, objective investigation. In no way should a reprimand or behaviour coaching take place before this impartial step is completed.

The best resolutions to a confirmed bullying situation can be simple or complex. In some cases, the bully may not have noticed they are behaving badly – they may be acting exactly how they were raised – therefore demonstrating learned behaviour. On the other hand, a bully may know exactly what they are doing. Either way, they do need to recognize they are responsible for their behaviour and that their behaviour has to align with organizational values and policies. They also have to want to change.

A constructive solution will in all likelihood include sensitivity and possibly policy training for the bully. A solution will also likely require emotional support and professional coaching for all parties impacted – including those rightfully or wrongly accused. If training, arbitration and counselling doesn’t resolve a confirmed case, zero-tolerance must be the next step forward for the health and safety of all involved. 

Conclusion:

Please continue exploring this topic in any and all ways possible. In my three articles I cover just the beginning of an important topic with many variabilities.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 1: Explores What Is And Makes A Bully

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 3: Explores Bullying versus Performance Management

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 3

Nobody should be bullied, and the excuse of working in a high pressure / critical workspace is no excuse at all. Sadly, bullies of all shapes and sizes are actively throwing chaos, low morale and low productivity into even the calmest of workspaces.

This is Part 3 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements; specifically how to approach performance management. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

Thank you for wanting to explore this complex topic.

Education Is Important

Education must be for everyone; nobody should be excluded. And, because bullying (or the appearance of bullying), is often found in leadership positions, I believe all leaders and potential leaders should take regular and refresher training. This can act as a prevention as well as help leader ‘stay fresh’ to this topic so they are always prepared whether a situation is raised or even if they are going to be having performance management discussions which often can be interpreted as bullying. 

Recognize the Difference Between Performance Management Versus Bullying

Staying on top of performance management is more important than ever in today’s fast-paced business world where change is constant, and workforces are more remote. 

One of the many key responsibilities of all leaders is performance management and is easily considered one of the fundamental ‘hard skills’ that exist for leaders. And while this is true, it’s important to recognize successful leaders fully engage their soft skills or emotional intelligence when delivering this often-sensitive information. Even opportunities for improvement should be delivered in a way that encourages individual’s and aligns with their personal goals as well as organizations goals. In fact, studies by world-renowned leadership researchers Zenger Folkman have positioned motivation and inspiration as the two most important leadership skills.

Four key purposes of performance management are to focus on:

1. Competitive advantage for the employee and the organization

2. Employee engagement and effectiveness

3. Employee professional development and confidence

4. Individual and team morale

Approached well performance management improves all aspects of an employee / employer relationship including building greater loyalty. Done poorly, performance management can be interpreted as bullying. Even if apparent bullying is directed to only one person, others will see and by association – experience it, and as this happens, they will also lose trust in the leader and avoid situations where they may become a target. 

Consider a situation where an individual is not meeting expectations that have been previously discussed and agreed to. In this situation, two previous performance reviews have clearly and correctly identified performance gaps. These performance reviews have also included discussions to address opportunities for improvement. Because the individual continues to not meet expectations, it’s the leader’s responsibility to increase careful monitoring of performance. This increased attention will hopefully also include discussions about what other supports the employee may need – like additional training and/or coaching. A frequent challenge is the employee in question considers the additional attention a form of bullying.

Consider another situation many of us are experiencing now related to working remotely and the communication challenges we may not realize we are having. Many of us never realized the benefits in-person meetings and how even simple body language unconsciously helped us build trusting relationships and share important information. The potential difficulties and misunderstandings related to performance management communication in our socially distant, remote work-lives has increased exponentially. It’s increasingly common for employees (and leaders) to feel additional stress in this demanding, fast-paced and ever-changing environment and in-turn, interpret the actions of each other as bullying and/or as not being fully transparent.  

No matter what the situation, managing expectations is critical by the leader as well as a level of self-awareness on how they may be interpreted. Let me repeat – leaders have to always be thinking about how they are being ‘seen’ via email, video chat and text message more than ever. And my believe that all of this responsibility should not all be hung on a leader’s shoulders. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence should also be expected from employees (and trained if necessary). That said, conversation is almost always the best first step in building a solution in either of these situations. And for this is where Allies discussed in point #3 will can be invaluable. 

The Impact of Reverse Bias

One thing to be mindful of is the potential fear of leaders – especially leaders who have previously been wrongly identified as bullies. In these cases, they and the company may actually be suffering long-term consequences. Without the proper support and coaching for them, it’s not unusual for leaders to begin forming an unhealthy reverse bias situation where they fear being unjustly labeled as bullies, and therefore don’t identify performance management situations as they should. 

We can all imagine how reverse bias has the potential to have serious negative impact from lowering the company’s ability to reach their strategic goals. If the leader feels unable to provide feedback, support and coaching to one or more employees, this could easily have negative impact the employees personal and professional growth and therefore future experience and potential. 

I think we can all agree that as our workspaces become more complex, clear performance management guidelines that are supported and adhered to throughout the organization will be important to protect everyone.

Let’s explore some signs of disrespect / bullying versus performance management. 

Disrespect / Bullying:

1. Intimidating, threatening, or humiliating someone.

2. Attacking something that can’t be changed:‘It’s a problem because you don’t have an accounting degree…’

3. Attacking the person not the behaviour or outcome: ‘The problem with you is…’

4. Being vague: ‘You need to improve your attention to detail…’

5. Exaggerating:‘You always/never/constantly…’

6. Intentional Exclusion: When someone intentionally and repeatedly excludes one or more people from a team or group.

7. Supporting gossip that may undermine a person’s character, trust and/or performance.

8. Keeping others off-balance. Perhaps changing the rules or goals halfway through a project or not sharing all of the important information (as I write this I recall a Director I had many years ago who did exactly this to the whole team).

9. Expecting behaviour and skill that has never been discussed or expected in the past.

10. Rarely (if ever) providing positive reinforcement.

11. Being passive aggressive and/or making comments targeted at destroying confidence and self-worth.

12. Gas-lighting using phrases like, ‘You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad’, or‘What an imagination – that never happened (or I never said that)’.The goal is to make their victim doubt what they have seen, experienced and/or know is true. More on Gas-lighting here

13. Alluding to gossip / side-stepping their own responsibility: ‘Everyone thinks you are not pulling your weight’

14. Losing emotional control: Disrespecting someone and/or their ideas by shouting, belittling, rolling eyes or laughing at them or a suggestion they made.

15. Physical bullying.

Performance Management:

1. Actions are objectively sound, consistent for all and documented.

2. All performance management meetings happen on-schedule to avoid the appearance of a surprise evaluation.

3. Employees receive clear Performance Standards and Key Performance Indicators, linked to the Performance Description.

4. Expectations should be in-line and in-scope with the agreed upon job responsibilities.

5. Performance should be in-line with previously dis­cussed per­son­al and career devel­op­ment.

6. Expectations and conversations are timely – both ways.

7. Are the employee’s skills being used in ways you have previously agreed?

8. Does the employ­ee need any support from their man­ag­er in short or long-term?

9. Is the employee showing non-compliance with policies/procedures?

10. Is the employee acting inappropriately, being disruptive or demonstrating bad behaviour?

11. Management offers formal performance improvement plans in line with Performance Standards and Key Performance Indicators.

12. Management provides adequate support for individuals to reach the agreed standards.

13. Management must provide formal warnings for breaching policies, noting specifically which behaviours have breached.

14. Management prepares written minutes of all performance management meetings including formal written warnings when necessary.

Bullying Not Accepted

With all of the preparation we’ve discussed, this last step must be an ongoing step. 

When bullying is confirmed it cannot be tolerated by anyone - from the most senior to the most junior… even when it seems to be working to our advantage. 

If bullying is permitted that inaction will damage employ morale and trust throughout the organization and result in higher turnover, higher sick-leave, less creativity, lower productivity, more mistakes and waste and the list goes on and on which often quickly impacts customer satisfaction and profitability.

Politics is a good public example of how some individuals within a political party may do everything from passively tolerating bullying to actively encouraging it – all in an effort to maintain power/influence and/or their job. The one thing about situations where bullies are tolerated for this purpose, in all cases I can think of the bully (or bullies) eventually loses their foothold and fall from grace. And it usually doesn’t end there as the reputations of the people who supported the bully are also tarnished or ruined and/or the whole team, political party or company become collateral damage.

Now, this doesn’t mean when someone feels bullied that it has to be dealt in real-time. Depending on the situation and who is around, in-the-moment action might make things worse. 

Taking some time to respond when an individual feel bullied also gives them time to explore their experience with a qualified individual as discussed in point #4 (Recognize the Difference Between Performance Management Versus Bullying). In a nutshell, don’t talk behind their back and risk starting the rumour mill because that in itself is a form of bullying. Also, if possible, don’t wait a few months or a year to raise concerns. By pausing and specking in private to qualified people, they may find out it may be one or more instances of miscommunication, or misinterpretation on their part, and by pausing has protected their reputation and perhaps that of others as well.

All of this may sound logical – and it is, however, it is also complicated. While this can be defined within procedures, actually living through this is emotional and sensitive… and therefore difficult. For these reasons transparency and timely actions are both essential components to experiencing great success with few challenges. For these reasons it is also essential that all staff’s expectations are managed, and everyone is trained to be able to recognize all of the nuances of this topic and to especially recognize the differences between performance management and bullying.

Conclusion:

Thank you for reading and exploring this important topic. If you haven’t yet and would like to read my first two articles in this series, here are the direct links.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 1: Explores What Is And Makes A Bully

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 2: Explores Education And Setting Up Support Systems

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

I want to finish this series with a quote by Business Author Bob Chapman, “When 88% of the people who have jobs feel like they work for an organization that does not care for them, they do not feel valued. They feel used for someone’s else gain. In business, in politics, in our neighborhoods and communities, people are often not treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.”

If I ever thought leadership was in crisis, that statement stopped me in my tracks. What an opportunity for those who aspire and train to be great leaders - your competition is thin.

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

What Should We Do When We Feel A Lack Of Respect For Someone?

Respect is an interesting, complicated thing, and it’s not one size fits all. The point I want to make is that very often we see respect as an absolute. We get caught up in the idea that, “If you don’t respect my idea or my work then you don’t respect me,” and that really doesn’t have to be the case at all… as I described in the four examples below.

Examples: we can:

• Respect the person as a human, but not respect their authority or their suggestion or their idea.

• Respect the company, but not the person we are engaging with from the company.

• Respect how a person is trying to help us, but not the company.

• Respect a person’s authority, but not their goals or tactics they use to achieve those goals.

And I’m sure you and I could easily continue adding to this list of examples if we were brainstorming examples.

So what should we do when we feel a lack of respect for someone? 

The answer is both simple and complex. It’s so complex there are whole books written and specialists dedicated to only this topic. But let me give you a few steps to get the conversation moving in the right direction. This approach is often the starting point I use when I work with leaders to help them solve a respect challenge with their team or in their company.

Firstly, at the very least we should acknowledge we should be able to show a person respect as a human even if we don’t respect their achievements (or lack of), goals (or lack of), or values (or lack of).

Secondly, we should take a moment to consider where our feelings of respect and lack-of-respect are coming from. Looking inwardly to what we are feeling is always a good starting point in any and every situation including this one. What are we respecting and why (hopefully there is something)? What are we not respecting and why? Do we have an internal, learned bias that is getting in our own way? Might they have an internal, learned bias that is getting in their way?

This is a great exercise to go through (by yourself) for everyone in your inner circle. Take the time to point out what you do and don’t respect / appreciate / admire for those closest to you. It helps especially if find you are feeling negatively triggered by someone because it will help you control (be mindful of) your response.

Thirdly, is our lack of respect creating a barrier between us that is making the situation worse? It’s important to note that this is often the case. You know that when you feel negative energy from someone your own defences usually go up; which in turn often gets reflected back to them as negative energy from you. It is an unfortunate and vicious circle. It’s important to note at this point that whenever respect falters so does trust. When we don’t trust each other everything usually is much more difficult and take much longer. This in turn usually translates to being more expensive and less effective. 

Lastly, having reflected on what and why we are feeling as well as what biases we are (or they may be) feeling, how might we be able to build respect and trust within this situation? Generally, there are two areas we can work on and they are:

1. What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

2. What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Lets explore these two areas.

What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

Whether we are a leader of a team or an equal member of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, even if we are not feeling respect we can strive to build it with others. To build respect with one or more people we can all practice the following:

• Smile and say hello when we pass in the hall

• Listen mindfully / with all of our attention in a meeting or conversation

• Treat everyone equally 

• Encourage everyone to be their true, whole self and bring all of their experiences, education and perspective to every engagement 

• Be transparent with goals and tactics

• Give people credit for their ideas… and use other peoples ideas (it can’t be ‘my way or the highway’)

• Have a safe environment where people can make mistakes… and learn from those mistakes

• Imagine what it’s like to be in someone elses shoes (display empathy)

• Everyone can disagree and of course, still be civil and not feel threatened

 I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive.

The amazing thing is that people who feel respected are not only trusted and more creative, they are:

• 92% more focused

• 55% more engaged

• 61% more likely to embrace change

• 56% healthier (fewer sick days)

• Over 100% more loyal (far less turnover)

Simply put, there are no downsides to having respectful relationships. 

What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Again, whether we are a leader of a team or an equal part of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, how can we begin to build respectful, trusting relationships? The idea is to explore how to build relationships where everyone has an open, safe space where everyone can share ideas by not:

• Mocking someone – publicly or privately

• Teasing

• Telling offensive jokes

• Letting someone finish a sentence

• Taking credit for someone else’s work

• Texting in meetings

• Making inappropriate advances

• Putting up silos instead of being transparent

• Always saying ‘No’ when asked to do something 

As I said earlier, I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive. But even better, do this with someone else or with your team. Have this and keep this as an open dialogue where you have open and safe dialogues.

If you have a challenging situation and are working to make it better, give it time. Conversations will help and are a sign of a healthy environment. You won’t be perfect at first, and neither will other people. And I dare say you will always make mistakes along the way. The solution isn’t to be perfect, the solution is to be aware of your actions and humble enough that you are able to help others have the confidence to talk with you about challenges or feelings they are having so they can be worked on early.

As I said at the beginning, respect is a simple and yet complex thing. It never happens when there is an environment of secrecy and where people can’t speak freely. As respect begins to grow it is like a seed planted, it will require care and attention and it will grow - seemingly slowly at first but before you know it, you will have a healthy, wonderful space filled with respect… and trust.

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

What is Respect At Work?

Respect and Trust go hand-in-hand. They are two of the most important components of a thriving, productive and diverse work environment… and must be shared among your team, suppliers and customers. Without respect and trust being intentional parts of your team development, employees will almost always feel disconnected, be low-producers and have limited employee loyalty. In addition, suppliers will be weary of working with your company and clients just won’t buy and/or refer business.

I’ve written about trust and team development before, so let’s focus on ‘what is respect in the workplace and how we can improve it?’

Let’s begin by noticing that respect is a feeling, but showing respect to someone is an action. Showing respect at work lets people know at an emotional level that they are valued. Nobody wants to feel they don’t matter or that the work they do isn’t important / respected.

We don’t have to agree with someone to treat them with respect and appreciate their knowledge and/or experience. Even if we don’t like someone, we should always be dignified because any negative behaviour on our part will diminished our point of view if others feel our opinion is based on us not liking the other person versus our experience.

How We Can Show Others Respect In The Workplace:

• Acknowledge them or as they say in the movie ‘Avatar’, “I see you.”

• Encourage people to bring their whole selves to work, embrace diversity

• Be transparent with your goals, values and resources

• Be aware of any conscious or unconscious biases you may be experience – and help others do the same 

• Listen to others with an open mind – turn off autopilot

• Be curious, ask questions (evaluation is healthy), but still remain open-minded and polite

• Recognize generational differences and how people from different generations add to the conversation

• Recognize cultural differences and how people from different places and backgrounds add to the conversation

• Delegate work and opportunities across the whole team, based on criteria like skill and interest

• Offer support, even when you have nothing to gain

• Inspire and reinforce others using intrinsic and extrinsic, verbal and non-verbal motivators

• Recognize different people are rewarded by different things (Competency, Autonomy, Purpose, Impact)

• Tap into your empathy and be aware of what others are feeling and needing… but not sharing verbally

Having disagreements is almost always a sign of a healthy relationship. It shows people feel comfortable to share their thoughts and unique experiences. And for this to be healthy everyone has to realize that disagreement doesn’t have to be steeped in conflict or disrespect. What is important is everyones ability to show respect and be able to listen to each others input in line with the agreed upon goals and shared values versus personal beliefs.

The thing is, when we show others respect and when we openly listen to them, most people – even people who are confrontational will most likely pull back and begin showing you and others respect (noting I said most people and most likely). When this does happen, it’s possible that over time a respectful relationship can be built or rebuilt.

Real Example: I coached a leader who took over a department and was having a challenging time with a leader from another department. Historically, my clients’ predecessor and the other leader didn’t work well together. My client started slowly; taking time to listen to the other leader, be transparent with their goals and share relevant information. It took some time and there were a few bumps along the way, but mutual respect and trust was built, which made everyone’s work easier, helped both teams be more productive and overall work for everyone was less stressful and more enjoyable.

For the record, the leader from the other department likely initially felt two types of disrespect:

• Owed Respect: Respect (or disrespect) of the work and/or contribution of their group or team

• Earned Respect: Respect (or disrespect) of their own work and/or contribution (including leadership)   

Part of having a respectful space is to know that from time to time there may be disagreement. To overcome disagreements in a respectful way it’s important for everyone to know the plan is to always share when you are not feeling respected and valued. Knowing in advance that from time-to-time there may be situations that require a difficult conversation, can be healthy because it demonstrates a learning-based corporate culture dedicated to growth versus negative confrontations where people feel attacked and blindsided and often lead to broken relationships.

Conclusion:

People often say, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” I say no. Instead, treat other people the way they want to be treated. Part of showing respect at work means rewarding people the way they want to be rewarded.  As I mentioned earlier, there are four main ways people feel reward (Competency, Autonomy, Purpose, Impact). Using myself as an example, the only way to know how which of these four is my preferred motivator is to talk with me – get to know me. If Autonomy is my key motivator and I have a leader who rewards me with Purpose or Impact there will be a gap – and that gap is likely to grow over time as I don’t feel understood and respected.

Companies that have a respectful workplace almost always are more successful, more creative and more resilient / responsive to their market in large part because employees are satisfied with their work and are proud of the company.

Life is messy. Let’s stay open and embrace it all.

Thank you for reading. I hope you have enjoyed.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

10 Tips to Lead Your Team Through Change

Leading teams is a wonderful, rewarding challenge. And while most of us would not want to spend our whole career in the middle of change, leading teams through change is often even more of a rewarding challenge.

So, what does leading your team through change mean? Whether it is change for only one product line or change for the whole company, there are many special places leaders need to pay attention to support change. Where should a leader / leadership team begin you ask? Here are 10 steps.

1. Create a plan starting with research. Speak with your stakeholders and listen to their objectives and concerns. From there define your goal. What internal talent and external talent will be involved? How do you keep people engaged who are not directly involved in the change initiative, but who you need to be supportive? Where will the biggest challenges be and how can you prepare to face them head on and minimize their impact.

2. Understand the end goal. It's critical to understand the end goal and objectives before starting out. This includes what is the evidence to support the goal?

3. Anticipate a need for flexibility. No plan is perfect, and no market is stable. Things like opportunity, technology and manpower change every day. What is your plan to keep yourself and your team in an adaptable and flexible mindset?

4. Share the plan with everyone and communicate it clearly. Leaders need to support their plan in context to every conversation they have, every meeting and every business decision. In addition, be prepared to discuss the intrinsic value of change for everyone involved – from the company all the way through to employees, suppliers and customers. Don’t make it only about costs and revenue (extrinsic value). People have to feel proud of what and why their world is changing.

5. Remember your people are people – this goes for employees, customers and suppliers. Be prepared for them to ask questions and encourage them to share their concerns. Demonstrate your commitment to them and the process. Also, recognize great work from both the people who are directly involved in the change initiative as well as those who are holding down the fort (as my dad would say), and making sure everything else is working as it should.

6. Identify champions and support those people who are respected / looked up to and great networkers. These people are likely naturally positive (glass-half-full) and patient. Your champions should be able to clearly articulate the values of the company and the value of the change initiative.

7. Delegate tasks. Everyone has to feel they are an important part of the team - it should not be something that only a ‘special few’ ever participate in or take credit for. Even the people whose work may not be changing have to see that their stability provides a foundation for the change initiative to happen.

8. Set stable, realistic objectives. This and the next step go hand-in-hand and are important for leaders to do whether they are working on a change initiative or not. To be a great leader one has to set stable, realistic objectives that everyone understands. Big-picture objectives become department objectives and then translate into individual objectives. Stable, realistic objectives allow everyone to ‘see’ how, when and why they are contributing.

9. Manage expectations. Stay connected with customers, suppliers and employees. Keep everyone informed. It’s good project management where everyone knows what is going on, and the same is true for change management. In addition, within a change environment leaders should expect conflicts will arise due to fear of status, a team members’ lack of clarification or perhaps fatigue from short-term longer than usual working hours. Whatever the reason leaders must expect this will happen and be prepared to have difficult conversations that will resolve conflict in a constructive and positive way.

10. Hold people accountable. If change is going to be successful leaders have to depend on their resources. In the case where an objective is slipping, don’t let it linger hoping it will self-correct. Get on it quickly. As with #3, anticipate flexibility. Perhaps someone’s assigned task can’t be completed as expected. That’s OK – they can still be held accountable for raising concern as soon as possible and working with the team to make necessary adjustments. 

I believe communication is a leaders most important ability when it comes to change and change management. Being a motivating, inspiring leader who demonstrates you are proud of your team and committed to open and respectful communication will be your greatest ability… equalled only with planning thoroughly and staying flexible.

There is always going to be more that could be said about change management and leading change, but I believe these 10 tips to lead your team through change gives you a good grasp of the basics. Just be careful, don’t underestimate the value of planning ahead and preparing for change. That said, don’t paralyze your initiative by getting into the loop of over-planning. One thing you may want to explore is the benefits of both Agile Project Management as Traditional Project Management. Both may have some place within your change management plans.

One final note about why we need to embrace change. If we don’t accept that change is a constant we risk falling behind our competition and failing to meet our clients’ needs. We also risk losing important talent if they:

a) Don’t feel supported and kept in-the-loop or
b) Feel their abilities and experience are falling behind their peers because change is being ignored. 

Best to embrace the challenge, the hard work and the benefits change brings us. Thanks for reading.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Tell Clients You’re Raising Your Prices

It can be scary to tell clients you’re raising your prices. Every fear you can imagine flashes before your eyes - over and over. Are you going to lose your best clients? Are clients going to leave en masse forcing you to lay off employees… or worse (is there worse)? As with most difficult conversations, what actually happens is not even close to as bad as our imaginations, especially if we approach the conversation with thoughtfulness and planning.

For the record there are many ways for you to introduce new pricing. While you can do an across-the-board price increase, you may also:

• Stagger your roll-out by province, country or by industry sector

• Introduce new pricing when a contract anniversary date or annual review happens

• Do a partial roll-out now and a full roll-out next year

However you choose to do it, your best approach is to do it thoughtfully and to prepare. This means getting your Marketing and PR channels working long in advance on messaging and working with your Sales Professionals and Customer Service Representatives to train them on best-practices and key messages (but i’m already getting into point 2 and 3 below). So let’s not waste any more time.

Here are 8 ways you can help you tell your clients you’re raising your pricing:

1. Deliver Quality

   Be sure you deliver competitive, value-add to your clients.

2. Manage Expectations

   Don’t surprise them. They have to plan / budget for price increases just like you do. One way to not surprise them is to make price reviews and adjustments part of their anticipated schedule right from the start of our B2B relationship. Help them expect the possibility 3-6 months in advance if you can.

   Another way to manage expectations is to involve your Marketing & PR departments to release / re-distribute industry related articles to the ‘public’ and or to your clients through association newsletters. Other options you could use to regularly put out information to the public… and therefore your clients include:

   1. Twitter

   2. LinekedIn

   3. Your Website / Blog

   4. Your Monthly Client Newsletter

   5. Industry Magazine Articles

3.  Prepare Your Team / Involve Your Team

   Involve your team in planning and the messaging; after all it will likely be them that will be using it. Getting input from everyone on the team can make sure you don't overlook a key message and can help fine-tune the message they will have to use… in their own voice… based on their position (Sales versus Customer Service for example). Getting your team involved also helps secure buy-in on the approach and helps get everyone aligned and invested in striving for a positive outcome.

4. Be Honest. Be Confident 

   Both you and your clients have to believe your product / service is worth every penny (or nickel I suppose in Canada). When it’s time to share new pricing, have a face-to-face conversation if possible. Don't try to hide the price increase or wait until last minute to let them know. When you connect with them your message should confidently include three points:

   1. We value your business.

   2. You’ll get something out of it (greater value, greater service and/or lower risk). 

   3. As always we give you choice (see point 7).

5. Share What They Will Gain

   Price increases have to be all about them and what they will gain… not about you and what you deliver. Focus on what benefits your clients will receive from your services - such as additional service or support, extra resources, increased availability, shorter turnaround. Along with new features, share services you’ve always delivered but they’ve never needed or use… because now might be the time for them. If you are introducing new services or features, explain how they will benefit them. Remember, faster service, reduced risk and greater security are important clients benefits.
   
   Make sure they understand why your pricing is going up and why your product / service is worth more.

6. Remind Them How You Do & Have Added Value

   Remind them about how you / your organization have helped them in the past. This doesn’t have to be extensive – just a high-level overview of big things like how you’ve saved them money, reduced their risk, helped find new clients or enter new markets.

7. Offer Choice

   People love choice – it empowers us and helps us feel in control.

   Raising your prices may help your clients justify moving to a bigger even more expensive package, or it may give them the opportunity to stop paying for a service they no longer use – like out of date reports.

   When going in with a price increase consider presenting new solutions and/or new tiers (higher and lower), they could choose. This reinforces the approach where you and they focus on value rather than price.

8. Don’t apologize

   From time to time clients should expect a price increase. Every successful business gets better year-over-year, so your offer should be getting better, constantly adapting and delivering more of what your clients need. As long as you are proving value you should feel confident. In the same vein, never blame inflation; that is your business cost, not theirs. Sure it will be part of the increase, but if you are only raising price because of inflation you are missing opportunities… and perhaps not improving your business.

One last thing; you may not want to raise your prices to everyone at once. For example, you may want to raise your prices with new client and give your existing clients time to transition to the new rates. This could have some helpful ‘image’ and ‘message delivery’ benefits as you explain to existing clients that they have had a grace period… because you value their relationship so much. And, there is a side benefit to you as this approach allows you to ‘test’ your new pricing before a full roll-out.

Conclusion

If you have been a great supplier and delivered top quality products / services… and have built a relationship where you’ve listened to their needs, you are an asset to you clients and they’ll want to keep you. Also, clients are risk averse and moving is not so easy, especially for large clients / large businesses.

Make sure you are offering great value long before your price increase and then make a plan. If you are positioned well in the market you may lose one or two clients, but if they are that price sensitive, it might be best that they are gone and free up your time for even better, more profitable clients.

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Corporate trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Leadership, Communication and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success. 

When In Conflict, Be A Good Listener: A Step-by-Step Approach

Are you a good listener in a conflict situation or do you become a boxer? Sorry - I couldn’t resist the fun play of words and the image.

Being a good listener when in conflict is one of the key elements of having win-win conversations. Thankfully, there are things you can do to be a good listener and develop a winning communication style.

Listener or Boxer? Which are you?

One of the most productive things you can do is help the other person trust your intentions - that you are there to understand their thoughts, feelings and needs. Another thing a good listener does is stay away from judging anyone, laying blame or letting your triggers (strong emotions), get the best of you.

Once you have their trust, gathering facts about what happened and why will be much more fruitful. But, this is still not as easy as it sounds. To help you to focus on what your speaker is saying and have productive conversations, I recommend the following step-by-step process:

1. Have a plan. Have an idea what success may look like for you and the other person (realizing you both see the world in very different ways.

2. Pause. Take a moment to reflect and confirm this is the right thing to do.

3. Turn off your smartphone / computer.

4. Breathe calmly. It’s easy for us to stop breathing during a difficult conversation.

5. Notice what is going on for you - and for them. Also notice your surroundings and distractions that may negatively impact the conversation.

6. Show interest. “I have something important I’d like to share and I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.”

7. Don’t interrupt them when they are speaking:

   • If you have ideas and/or questions… make a note of them.

8. Stay focused on what they are saying:

   • Don’t judge or assume

   • Manage your Triggers

   • Don’t think about what you will say

9. Respond to what they are doing, saying, feeling, needing and believing… but never React.

10. Validate what you think they said / feel / need / believe: “What I’m hearing you say is you feel members of the team interpret our corporate values inconsistently.”

11. Give them space / encouragement to correct what you said in step #10 by pausing and letting them respond.

12. Check in to see if there is more: “This is helpful. Are there other challenges that are impacting communication, our corporate values or quality?”

13. If they have more information or challenges to share, go back to step #7 to encourage them.

14. Thank the other person or people for their contribution

This step-by-step process has many benefits to help you be a great listener. The most obvious is that encourages the other person do most of the talking which helps you build trust and understanding; people will trust you less if you do most of the talking. Having the other person do most of the talking is also beneficial because it may be the first time they’ve spoken aloud about the situation. Speaking aloud may help them gain more understanding and take some responsibility. They may even begin resolving the conflict themselves.

Conclusion:

Becoming a good listener isn’t easy. It doesn’t mean sitting quietly until the other person stops talking, and being a good listener also doesn’t mean agreeing with what they are saying. In fact I would warn you against agreeing to much because later in the day they may subconsciously apply your agreement to the whole conversation. Recap: Understanding is good, agreeing is not.

One last thing; be careful if you find yourself giving advice, sharing your opinion or making suggestions. If you do (or even want to), it is a sign you are not listening.

BONUS: What Are Triggers?

A trigger is any positive or negative event that evokes a deep emotional response. One of the greatest challenges when participating in a difficult conversation is to manage your triggers and try to predict (and avoid), the triggers of the other peoples involved. When negatively triggered we may feel:

• Overwhelmed

• Angry

• Frustrated

• Disappointed

• Embarrassed

BONUS: Effective Open Ended Questions

• “Can you tell me more about that?”

• “What happened next?”

• “How did you feel?”

• “That’s interesting, can you help me better understand by explaining that further?”

• “What is it like to do that?”

• “Please… tell me more” (not a question… but effective.

• “How can we measure that?”

• “What does that mean?”

• “What are your expectations?”

• “How does that process work when… [there are two versus three people]?”

• “What procedures did you use to determine the customers needs?

Thank you for reading my article about why listening is important and how to listen well.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Corporate trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) delivers customized Difficult Conversation training in Toronto and across Canada. We specialize in Leadership, Communication and other soft skills training solutions.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.