Difficult Conversations: Never Easy – Always Worthwhile
/Conflict is everywhere and impossible to avoid. And that’s OK,
Even the most confident people don’t see difficult conversations and managing conflict as easy, stress free and certainly not the highlight of their day. But we can all learn how to manage difficult conversations so that we reduce overall stress and improve overall outcomes.
To help us manage difficult conversations I believe it’s important to accept that not all conflict is bad or inherently negative – in fact sharing constructive feedback and resolving conflict often builds stronger relationships, new ideas, greater respect and greater trust.
Imagine you have an employee who isn’t performing or whose behaviour is making work unpleasant for others. I propose it’s better to have a conversation that will be uncomfortable in the short term, but will give the employee the opportunity to see you as someone who cares about their personal and professional future. You are also empowering them to decide if they would like to adjust their behaviour and to continue building a successful career.
And the benefits to having difficult conversations and resolving conflict don’t end with the employee. Consider the benefit to team dynamics and corporate culture when a peaceful resolution is found versus the disruption a more volatile outcome will have for everyone.
First Steps
One of the first steps when having difficult conversations and / or sharing constructive feedback is to be clear how it will benefit us and the other person. In our personal lives, there are times it just isn’t worth it. Do we need to invest in a difficult conversation with a rude salesclerk? Maybe it is worth it… but often it is not. Alternatively, in our professional lives difficult conversations are important for many reasons like when our company values and performance objectives are not being met.
Another important step when having difficult conversations and resolving conflict is to have conversations as soon as possible. When inappropriate behaviour isn’t corrected quickly, it becomes the new norm and far more difficult (and costly) to correct later. Inappropriate behaviour also erodes the motivation, respect, and trust of everyone else on the team who must watch and potentially experience this behaviour first-hand.
Conclusion
There are many other steps to having a difficult conversation and resolving conflict including sharing stories of what you observed, encouraging an atmosphere where situations and solutions are explored versus placing blame, and never thinking the other person is evil / mean. But for now, let’s embrace the idea that conflict and difficult conversations are opportunities for us all to be respectful, improve and build greater trust.
In our next post, (which I will link here) I will discuss important steps to take when faced with conflict and the opportunity to have a respectful, empowering difficult conversations.
Thank you for reading ‘Difficult Conversations: Never Easy - Always Worthwhile’. I will link to other related difficult conversation articles in this series as I launch them.
Bruce
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Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.
