What Are Core Values?

Welcome to the second in my trilogy of articles covering the importance and use of Vision Statements, Core Values (this article) and Mission Statements.

I like to think of core values as common ground we are all aware of, share, understand and can count on. Core values help unite us – be it families, the companies we work for and purchase from or the non-profit charities we support. Whether it’s connecting leadership to employees, employees to customers, or customers to a feeling of trust, core values bring people, ideas and actions together.

Defining, communicating, and living core values is essential to a company or department reaching its full potential. Yes, you can have a high-functioning department with a great leader and team who embrace shared values within a less-than-ideal company.

If you want a one sentence definition of what are core values, here it is. Core values are a list of action-oriented verbs that clearly and concisely represents the company’s guiding principles.

A company’s core values establish guidance for company leadership and employees. Core values help companies make important decisions and keep everyone on the team focused and accountable, particularly during time or challenge or change or when faced with difficult decisions. Core values are also a useful tool for recruitment. Similarly, core values are excellent tools to help improve customer awareness and confidence. When customers understand the business’s core values and see how they align with their own, they’ll more than likely trust the company.

How to Use Core Values

Before you publish the core values, determine how they will be used. How will the company help every employee begin living these values with every discussion they have, meeting they participate in and decision they make? How will these values be used in product design, implementation, marketing materials, sales discussion, and client support? When will they be used to say “Yes” and most importantly, when will they be used to say “No” or “I made a mistake.” How will these amazing new core values be integrated into every employee’s goal setting discussion and performance reviews – from the most senior to the most junior? Hold everyone accountable for living your core values – no exceptions.

Share them everywhere and all the time. What else is there to say? Implementation of your core values must be more than putting up posters in the conference rooms and updating them on your website. If that is all you do, you many as well not have done any of this work.

Finally, integrate them into your vision statement (your future looking document) and your mission statement (your what we are doing today document).

How to Build Core Values

Uncovering your core values is an important project that provides stability and guidance throughout the company. Consider these steps when planning how to find your company’s unique set of core values.

1. Assemble a Team

   As with the exercise to uncover your vision statement, assemble a team who will share in this project. Ideally, include people from different levels of the organization. An outside agency will be a great asset as they can be a neutral voice and help guide the process.

2. Brainstorm values

   In a small business you may be able to ask everyone for their insight. In a larger operation, you may need to be more selective as you capture a range of employee voices from different levels of the company. Ask employees to use verbs – action words and short statements to describe how they feel about the company, the work they do and the impact they make. Also ask what they would like to company to represent in the future. Don’t edit their feedback. You will likely end up with a long list of interesting ideas. Note, some of this feedback may not be positive or inspirational. That is valuable information into your corporate culture, and I encourage you to use it to work on your employee engagement.

3. Group themes

   Now is the time to consolidate and group similar words and statements. Look for themes that represent your business now. I also encourage you to explore themes that are inspirational and will assist in supporting change and growth.

4. Look for words that pop

   Have each person on your values team independently select 10 words they feel best meets the company’s current and future potential and uniqueness. Ask them to rate from highest to lowest and include a brief explanation of why they chose that word. Then, assemble the team and discuss. This is a time to practice your listening skills. Try to choose six core words which may have a few related words listed below them. If you have more than six core words don’t worry – go with that for now. Remember, you are looking for unique, relevant and truthful words that are inspirational for today and into the future.  

5. Draft a support statement for each word

   Try writing one sentence for each of the six word you chose in the previous step. You may want to ask each member of your team to draft a few versions of this sentence and then meet to review and discuss each option. Once you have agreed on a sentence for each word, ask questions like, “Are we missing anything?” and “Do we really believe them?”

6. Finalize core values

   Share your proposed core values with others from top leadership to your newest employee. How do they feel about them? What feedback do they have about them? Use their feedback and see if there must be any further adjustment before you lock down your final core values and support statements.

Conclusion

I recently was approached by a prospect to do some leadership training. As part of our initial discussion we began to talk about their vision statement and their core values which they were proud of for good reason, they had recently invested a good amount of time to update them as part of their current and future strategy. To honour their hard work and the hard work of other teams who want to embark on this journey, I decided to write a trilogy of articles that walks through the important process of creating and using:

• A Vision Statement

• Company Core Values (this article)

• A Mission Statement

I will link to the other two articles here as I launch them.

For now, let me leave you with one last thought about core values. Exploring, sharing and working each day being guided by your companies core values will help everyone as individuals achieve excellence as they work united toward the companies – and their own personal and professional goals.

Thank you for reading ‘What Are Core Values?’.

Be well and happy communicating, leading and creating a culture of belonging within your company or within your team.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• Having Difficult Conversations

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

Being A Great Leader Today Takes Hard Work

Being a great leader takes hard work, determination, and dedication; it’s a big responsibility. To explore with you what makes a great leader today, I’d like to talk about the elephant in the room so we can all be on the same page. Being a great leader today is a very different job than it used to be. And, while you and most of the people around you may be just beginning or in the middle of your career, I encourage you to recognize many of the management ‘structures’ most of us work within, as well as the mentors we have had at home, school and work have been strongly influenced by ‘old-school’, hierarchical leadership style. It is still a relatively new experience to be a leader of many as four different generations in our workplaces and to have to navigate the needs, challenges and opportunities that today’s highly technical and international work cultures offer. Again, it is a big responsibility.

So what does being a great leader today mean? Well, it has very little to do with being a boss and a great deal about inspiring everyone you work with. It means creating a team out of a group of individuals while respecting and encouraging their individuality. Being a great leader also impacts every email, every conversation, every meeting, every goal strategy session, every difficult conversation, and every performance review; it means we are always ‘on’.

One more thing before we get going because I hear “But I’m an introvert” frequently. Well, I can honestly share I am also an introvert, and I know it is possible to help everyone around you to believe in themselves and what they can accomplish in ways that are comfortable to you so that you can still feel authentic and respect your individuality. But let me also reassure those of you who are extraverts. No matter if you are an introvert or an extravert, both tap into empathy on a regular basis, therefore we can be genuinely empathetic when we are working to inspire people around us. It’s just that each tap into it in different ways. 

If you are still asking the question, “How do I unlock my leadership skills so I can take myself and my team to the next level?” Great! That’s what I like to hear. Let’s explore how you can unlock your full potential which requires through a bit of self-reflection / self-awareness and how you can invest in yourself.

Self-Reflection / Self-Awareness

A high degree of self-reflection / self-awareness is foundational to being a great leader. It is empowering to know how you act when faced with feelings like curiosity, surprise, difficulty, or joy. It is also empowering to know how others “see” you. Are you approachable, warm, trustworthy, curious, and fair or are you the opposite? Do you have a reputation as being dependable and creative or are you known as the first one to look for an opportunity to delay a project or deflect responsibility? In a nutshell (as my dad would say), what are your best characteristics… and which ones might be holding you back, and frankly also holding your team back?

Being self-aware is one of the most important of all the soft skills we will discuss because it provides an opportunity to explore many of the other leadership characteristics of great leaders. It is a process where you can learn about yourself and help you set new expectations for your own personal and professional development. I also want to acknowledge that exploring your own self-awareness takes a bit of courage… ok, perhaps a lot of courage. The journey may make us feel exposed and vulnerable… especially if we believe a leader must exhibit unshakable confidence and authority.

I recommend taking a three-pronged approach in your self-reflection / self-aware journey. 

1. Know you are likely going to hear things that will be a surprise. This surprise may be positive, but may also be… constructive. With challenging news, don’t get defensive, and don’t blame those people who cared enough for you that they chose to trust you and share their observations and experiences. Instead, be grateful and accept the information humbly and with a growth mindset – accept you are going to use that information productively to better yourself.

2. Approach trusted friends, family and colleagues. We cannot rely on only our own interpretation of our impact. If we do we may not see or learn about behaviours that are challenging. And to be fair, we may not see or undervalue some of our most important qualities.
   

   Let your trusted community know you are looking to improve yourself and need their help. If you think they will be hesitant to share this feedback with you in-person, that may already be a red-flag for you. But, if you want to make an accommodation for them, arrange it so that everyone submits their responses to questions anonymously, in writing. Ask questions like:

   a)   Do I inspire confidence within the people I work with?

   b)   When challenges arise, how do I deal with them? Do I inspire calm?

   c)   Do I stay grounded when I feel overwhelmed?

   d)   Do others feel I help them feel proud of their work? How frequently do I do this?

   e)   Do I appear to share information (transparency) or be somewhat guarded?

   f)    Am I a good listener?

   g)   Do I encourage others to share their point of view, thoughts, experience?

   h)   Do I empower others to be able to work independently?

   i)    Do the people around me feel I trust their work and their experience?

   j)    What are my best qualities? What should I keep doing?

   k)   What qualities should I work on? How can I improve?

3. Use a formal 360 type feedback mechanism which is very popular in at-work environments. 360’s are an anonymous feedback process where (as an example) co-workers, people who report into us, colleagues from other teams and potentially even clients and suppliers are asked to provide their written feedback to predefined questions.

Your search should gather information about your success in creating an inspired culture of trust, cooperation, and respect. Are the people you lead guided by shared goals and values and proud of what they accomplish as well as what the team accomplishes?

In the end, recognize there is great power in this exploration since nobody rises to low or no expectations.

Exercise Your Comfort Communicating

Being a great communicator is another of the most important leadership skills. Being crystal clear about the information you share with others as well as how you are sharing that information gives the people around you a rich understanding of what is expected of them. Crystal clear communication is critical to helping those around you feel included, that everyone has the information they need to feel empowered and successfully get their jobs done.

Great communication provides team members a shared focus of their work and greater alignment of the decisions they make whether they are working late at night by themselves or in the middle of a team brainstorming meeting. Being a strong communicator is also an opportunity to reinforce your shared company vision and values; the ‘Why’s and How’s’ associated to their work. Exercising your comfort communicating also means being generous with encouragement and praise.

Simply put, clear understanding, autonomy and responsibility encourage pride in their effort, self-esteem, confidence, and builds leadership skills in others. With more and more of the people working remotely some or all the time, our comfort communicating is now even more important.

Offer Encouragement And Praise When It Is Due

Being a great leader means taking opportunities to make sure people know they are doing well. Once a year during a 10-minute performance review just doesn’t cut it anymore. We all have a need to feel a sense of relevance and progress. You and I want to feel the work we do is meaningful and we are adding to the greater good. The greater good could be the team, it could be the company, it could be our community and planet… or it could be all of these.

Encouragement and praise from other people – especially people we trust and admire is like using a high-performance gasoline. Still the same engine, but now we are empowered to do more… and we do this with an exciting vroom vroom in our step.

And don’t worry, especially if outward praise doesn’t come natural to you. Encouragement and praise don’t have to be complicated (or expensive). Employees don’t need front-of-the room presentations, and they don’t need expensive bonuses (although nobody I know would say no to a cash bonus). Unfortunately, using money as the primary symbol of praise and recognition is a legacy of my dad’s generation. Don’t get me wrong – being paid fairly is important, but verbal and even non-verbal feedback is amazingly powerful… and timely. For example, when you see Bruce doing a great job solving a client issue, tell him… and be specific about what he did well. Say something like, “I saw how you took initiative and worked to fully understand what they needed and then offered a few solutions so they felt they had choice.” Or “Bruce, I noticed how you re-formatted all the tables in the presentation to follow the same layout. Even though content was from three departments, it reinforced how we are trying to project a single source solution.” 

Stay In Touch

Staying in touch is more than going to meetings, assigning projects, and giving or getting updates. Sure, all those things are important and must be done but staying in touch with your team also means listening and being there for them.  

The thing is, staying in touch is a two-way-street. It is an opportunity to get ahead of challenges – sure – but it should be so much more. Staying in touch is an opportunity to build a micro-culture where you enjoy trusting relationships with others, where you learn what motivates people, you get to know them… and you give them an opportunity to get to know you.

I want to encourage you to consider other opportunities to build trust and community by staying in touch. Create a routine where you regularly check in with your employees. Don’t leave these discussions and relationship building opportunities to their annual or semi-annual performance review. For example, have formal monthly meetings with your senior team. In addition, set and prioritize bi-weekly one-on-one meetings with each member of your team (or even a business partner) with the goal of being there for them verses them being there for you. For example, have what I call ‘15-minute Laser Meetings’ where your team member is the one who decides the agenda. They come to the meeting prepared to discuss one or two topics that are important to them and might include:

• Project updates (if that is their choice)

• An FYI on potential risks that may be brewing with a project or supplier

• An outright ask for your help to get buy-in from another department (or person)

• A discussion on how they are feeling overwhelmed by their workload

• An update on some family challenges that may require some workplace flexibility over the next month

• A request for career advice or to help them find a mentor

• A request for professional development training

One amazingly powerful way to build a trusting workplace community and stay in touch is to go macro during some of your one-on-one (and team) meetings. Instead of discussing the detail of a project, discuss the impact of their work and a project on the overall organizational goals and values.

Another way to stay in touch is to recognize success. When is the last time you ended a meeting or video call and simply (and genuinely) said something like, “Hi Paula, I noticed how confident and well prepared you were for the briefing yesterday. You did a great job. I hope you are proud of yourself.” Imagine how inspired Paula will be for the next week… and potentially even longer.

When you are experiencing organizational change, I can assure you that this is a time when staying in touch is imperative. When facing such challenges as navigating organizational change, be transparent about the tasks at hand and infuse your team with a shared vision of how your company can benefit from the impending transition. Continually provide updates and reiterate the plan for moving forward to ensure your employees are aligned and understand how their work factors into larger corporate objectives.

Being self-aware helps you stay in touch. For example, if you are an extravert, being self-aware will help you pull back from what may be a natural tendency to insert yourself into the conversation, or to stop using sentences that start with, “What I would do would be to…”.   Being self-aware may also help introverts give themselves a small push to engage in a different way. If all of this sounds like I’m encouraging you to exercise your soft skills, you are right.

Be Your Authentic Self… And Stretch Your Authentic Self

Can you imagine how many times have I heard someone say, “That is great for you, but that is not me” during a leadership-based conversation. If that is the case for you, here is some tough love. Being authentic doesn’t mean not learning and growing. You were ‘authentic’ when you started your first job. You were still ‘authentic’ last month, and since then I’m sure you have had new experiences that have further developed your authentic self. I’m not encouraging you to be someone you are not, I am encouraging you to be more aware of what is around you, and the opportunities you take to learn, grow and show your authentic self. I’d also encourage you to be curious about how people are responding to you and to situations you are involved in. After a team meeting or your monthly management meeting, do your team members hurriedly and quietly gather their belongings and rush out of your office, or are they usually energized and excited by your meetings?

Self-reflection is one way for you to choose to make a few changes in how you engage with others and from your investment, to experience some of the most immediate benefits, quickly inspiring trust, enhancing your performance, your team’s performance, and everyone’s pride and satisfaction from your shared accomplishments. So, I’m inviting you to decide how you might want to interact differently… for your own benefit and the benefit of those around you.

Find a balance where you can be yourself and still intentionally open yourself to new experiences and new things to learn. If you are an extravert, perhaps work on practicing your patience and listening skills. If you are an introvert, perhaps work on being ‘out there’ a bit more. As an introverted leader, having the structured laser meetings I discussed in the ‘Stay In Touch’ section might be a really good way to feel safe as you push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Being your authentic self through this journey will enable you to build a greater sense of trust… one of the most critical qualities of a great leader. When you are trusted and your team trust each other, each will proudly feel:

• Less stress

• Higher productivity

• Greater engagement

• Greater loyalty

Conclusion

We’ve discussed a lot of opportunity for you to become a great leader. As I was saying to someone just the other day, if you have time to address urgent issues, you have time to be proactive and take care of yourself and your team.

And let me share one last piece of advice. Have fun. Give yourself time to learn and adapt as you dedicate time for self-reflection and regular check-ins with your team. Allow yourself to make mistakes, because if you embark on this journey, you will make mistakes. Just apologize when you do – after all, you are only human.

Be well and happy communicating, leading and creating a culture of belonging.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• What Is Servant Leadership?

• Email Etiquette Training

• Having Difficult Conversations

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

Great Leaders Create a Culture of Belonging

Is your superpower the ability to help your employees feel they belong? When employees know they are part of a team that ‘has each other’s back’ and their contribution matters, employees experience amazing mental, physical, and financial health benefits. Imagine how fantastic that would feel. And there is also benefit to your success as their leader and the company when you help your employees feel they belong. Imagine how much less stress you would feel knowing you lead a high-performing team that is loyal, creative, productive and has greater attention to detail (I could go on). Simply put, creating a culture of belonging is a Win-Win-Win.

Create a Culture of Belonging

So, let’s explore how to create an at-work culture of belonging. To do this I think it is important to start by recognizing that every team culture will be unique – just like every family has a culture that is also unique. I also want to recognize that every great leader from Alan Mulally (one of my all-time favourites), to Bob Iger, Jeff Weiner and Reshma Saujani likely have best-practices that are unique to their style and personality… just like I expect you have a style that is unique to you. But to get your creative juices flowing, let me share a few recommendations I share with leaders I’ve coached. 

1.     Be Authentic, become Trustworthy

Be sure you are being yourself. If you try to ‘be’ someone else, others will recognize this and wonder what you are hiding and when you are going to fall out of your act; they wont be able to trust you or their surroundings.

One of the most difficult things for many leaders is admitting they don’t have all the answers. But it’s also important to know that even the very best leaders make mistakes and have something to learn. Learning, listening and pushing your boundaries should be moments of authenticity your whole team expects and duplicates. Another example of authenticity may be if you are participating in training and team building activities. It’s OK to share this is new territory for you as well and that like them, you may feel a bit uncomfortable. The important thing is to find a way to participate, have fun and be part of their team. People respect honesty. Being authentic and transparent will build trust with those around you, and it will likely help others do the same.

2.     Honour Values

Values are not something to keep secret. Values are who we are; they influence our how we respond to joy, pressure, challenges and the unknown.

Your values will influence your behaviour and the decisions you make. Your values are often the things people remember about you minutes, days and even years later. It is difficult to fake values – especially for a long time which is why as a leader, hiring people for their values is often more important than hiring them for their skills. As a leader it is also important to be sure your team know the corporate values and how they can use those values to inform their behaviour and decisions as they work which in turn help your team rely on each other, decisions that haven’t even been made yet and of course, your customer / client experience. 

3.     Have One-on-One Meetings

I’ve always been a big fan of leaders having one-on-one meetings with their direct reports. Typically, every two weeks should work well, however in times of great change, high-stress or high-volume, it may be better to have one meeting each week.

I also want to share my recommendation that as a leader, have one-on-one, ‘welcome to the team, just want us to get to know each other’ introductory conversations with new employees. I don’t mean just your direct reports, I also mean having one-on-one introduction meetings with the new employees who report into your direct reports and even perhaps two levels below (depending on the size of your teams). Nothing says “I matter and I belong” more on day #1 of your new job than finding a meeting has already been booked for you to have a 30-minute one-on-one intro conversation with your boss’s boss for later that week.

4.     Help Others Feel Great

Be sure your team feel they are respected, and their work is relevant. There are many ways to help people feel respected. What is important is to find ways that are natural for you. Here are a few recommendations, but please note, this is not an exhaustive list.

• Option 1. Tell them they did a great job. Give them encouragement, even if they have experienced a set-back. Validate their effort, not only the results, especially if they worked hard but the project didn’t turn out exactly as planned. Success almost never happens the first time, it takes an iterative process so help them feel proud especially when they may be feeling discouraged.

• Option 2. Let them see and/or speak with an end-user of your product or service. Help them hear stories of the meaningful impact and important contribution their contribution has had.

• Option 3. Help them know what happens next with the work they do. Help them see how important their quality work and perhaps their creative work is, and how it makes someone else’s job one step down the line better and less stressful.

5.     Empower Autonomy

Employees are often happier when they feel they have some input over what they do and when they do it, especially if their position allows them to work in a hybrid model.

Empowering autonomy often generates an increased sense of commitment, responsibility, pride in their work and pride in the respect the company provides them. It’s still OK to have some company or department structure. For example, one company I heard of allows flexibility through the week but asks everyone to be in-office every Wednesday to help facilitate community, provide opportunity for spontaneous conversations and to implement formal training. So, go ahead and give them some autonomy while making sure they know you are always available for support, the purpose of a project and the important timelines. They will make the right decisions.

6.     Promote ‘Everyone Has a Voice’

Develop a more productive teamwork model by making sure everyone has a voice – an opportunity to contribute. Practice an attitude of acceptance and glass half full and instead listen to each other’s ideas and learned experience. A great corporate culture recognizes great ideas don’t pay attention to hierarchy and the people who are closest to the clients or manufacturers likely have some of the most relevant ideas. To support this, when someone’s idea is moved forward and/or included, be sure to recognize their contribution.

7.     Nourish Creativity

Embrace new ways of thinking and even go out of your way to be exposed to new ideas and new people. Lead by example so people can see how it ‘works’.

As a leader (and in many ways we are all leaders), encourage and support everyone around you to find ways for them to experience something different at work and outside of work. Ask others what they are reading and watching and consider reading and watching yourself. Attend conferences, take an online class and/or attend corporate training opportunities. Start building a reading library at work for people to recommend and share books and articles. And above and beyond anything, keep an open mind.

8.     Build ‘Familiarity’ Within Your Team

The pandemic has been a challenging ‘friend’ to teamwork and creating a culture of belonging. At the same time, it has provided an opportunity for us all to stretch and grow as we faced new personal and professional challenges including how to connect virtually. I don’t want virtual meetings to replace all in-person communication, but as we move forward. I do hope we can use our newly learned skills and acceptance of virtual connection as one more opportunity to bring teams – especially remote teams together to share each other’s work, to participate in education and training and to find ways to get to know each other as individuals.

9.     Encourage Connection with Community

There are endless ways to connect with our community and none of them must be formal or corporate driven. For example:

• Option 1. Support your team getting together for half-a-day once a month to do something community oriented like visit a Foodbank and pack groceries. Especially if you all can’t be off-line at once you can do this as a team, mini-teams or as individuals.

• Option 2. Ask everyone to pitch in $10 so you can outfit a child from head-to-toe who could use some help as they start playing soccer, baseball, hockey or whatever.

• Option 3. Invite a guest speaker from a local not-for-profit to share what their organization does and how their organization impacts the community.

Conclusion

Being surrounded by others doesn’t mean you and I will automatically feel a sense of belonging. A culture of belonging is all about feeling accepted, of being part of something worthwhile that deepen our sense of importance, pride and accomplishment.

Belonging is so powerful that it becomes part of our identity; it shapes how you and I think, how we respond to things and will influence many of our basic behaviours. The desire to belong is also a fundamental and extremely powerful motivator. As a leader, recognizing the importance and power of inspiring a sense of belonging with those around you - be it at work, with people you share a hobby, people at the gym or simply with your family. Your sense of belonging is an important opportunity to drive success for yourself and for everyone / everything round you.

Be well and happy communicating, leading and creating a culture of belonging within your company or within your team.

Bruce

Learn More About Bruce Mayhew

Toronto corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting is in the people business… it just so happens that training and/or executive coaching is involved. Let us help you improve your productivity and employee engagement.

To learn more about how leadership training can to improve your skills call us at 416.617.0462.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting's most popular programs are Email Etiquette Training, Difficult Conversations, Generational Differences, Leadership Skills Training and Time Management Training

Related Workshops That Drive Business Success

• Email Etiquette Training

• Having Difficult Conversations

• The Role of Empathy during Difficult Conversations at Work

Toronto based corporate trainer and executive coach Bruce Mayhew Consulting offers leadership training and professional development across Canada and the USA.

The Best Kind of Belonging

We all want to belong somewhere and to be part of something important. This is a good thing.

The challenge comes when we change how we act in order to fit in – seeking approval in a way that my dad would say is, “Going against our grain”. That never really works. Instead of belonging we are constantly making small changes / adjustments along the way to make sure we are behaving how we think we need to behave. We are always on guard, feeling stress and wondering when our charade will be discovered.

Yes, change is inevitable, change is even important. Growing and evolving is part of life; it’s exciting. But, being true to ourselves is also important. Being true to ourselves and growing / evolving is different than changing who we ‘appear’ to be in order to fit in. Growing is about getting bigger, exploring, finding new parts of ourselves and making parts we already know of even better. Fitting in is about getting smaller and ignoring parts of us that are important to our true nature. As Author Roy T Bennett said, “It’s only after you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone that you begin to change, grow and transform.”

Because belonging means we have to first be true to ourselves, belonging means that sometimes we have to stand alone. The beauty is that when we get to know ourselves we also get to decide… to choose when we don’t fit in. We can be comfortable standing alone because we know why we are standing alone. Knowing why is an incredibly important part of understanding; it gives clarity, focus and strength. In this case, standing alone is a demonstration of confidence, not defiance or fear; we are not diminishing the value some one or some team by choosing to stand alone. Quite the opposite should be true. While we choose to stand alone or go in another direction we must keep the communication channels open with others, we owe that respect to ourselves and to others.

In our personal lives, the concept of belonging often starts the moment we meet someone. We know quickly if we feel we have anything in common – often because we intuitively pick up on key markers like other peoples values, integrity and ethical principles. If we don’t have anything in common, even the most superficial conversations can feel difficult and emotionally draining. Our response is that we let go of (or minimize) these relationships as quickly as we can.

In our professional lives, the same kind of emotional challenges we have in our personal lives happen, and those challenges make work easy and enjoyable or difficult and draining. And, when ‘difficult and draining’ happens, the overall energy, trust and loyalty of each person on the team begins to degrade. You know this – we’ve all experienced it when our values and ethical principles are not in-line with someone we work with.

The best kind of belonging is not something others give to us, it comes from within. True belonging is a gift to ourselves. When we belong 100 percent to ourselves, that is when we are able to belong to a tribe and know we can trust that bond… even if that tribe consists of only one other person. The kind of trust I call ‘Earned Trust’. For me, that is the best part of belonging because even though some people may think we are weird we can be comfortable being authentic. In addition, the people around us can always trust we will uphold our reputation and our values, and we will give our best, no matter how our relationship is defined.

As I mention above, deep trust lives within the best kind of belonging - the kind of trust that is earned over time, trust we can count on and trust that can count on us. To put a fine point on this, lets take a look at what I mean when I say earned trust.

• Earned Trust: Sharing something I value - putting it or me at risk (my reputation or career for example), because over time I have learned to believe that the thing I value… and me as an individual are safe with you and respected.

• Distrust: Keeping something I value private - guarding it (my experience, connections or creativity for example), because I don't believe the thing I value… and me as an individual are safe with you or respected.

Thank you for reading The Best Kind of Belonging. I look forward to your thoughts, comments, stories.

NOTE: Because hiring the right people is so important as part of my leadership series I teach Behaviour Event Interview best practices.

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

The Importance of Empathy at Work

Empathy, trust, being supportive and having perspective are four attributes great leaders have. As Simon Sinek said in his keynote at the Live2Lead event in 2016, “Great leadership is not about being in charge, it’s about taking care of the people in their charge. Great leaders go through a transition from being responsible for the job and become responsible for the people who are responsible for the job.” Sinek continues, “One problem is we are suffering from business theories left over from the 80’s, one being the concept of shareholder supremacy.” Shareholder supremacy is when leaders are focused on meeting the quarterly and annual revenue targets and not on building a caring, trusting, supportive environment where employees are proud, can do their best work and are loyal. As Sinek says, “Shareholder supremacy is a theory that is bad for people and bad for business.” When leaders only focus on shareholder value and their primary goal, they lose focus on “taking care of the people in their charge” says Sinek.

Today great leaders build a company that has the support of their employees and their customers as their primary goal by building an environment based on empathy, trust and shared perspective. Great leaders and great companies help each member of their team embrace purpose while also aligning business goals with individual goals. When employees business goals are supported, great things happen; creativity is high, productivity is high, solutions are responsive and appropriate, clients and suppliers are happy, brand reputation goes up, costs and expenses go down, turnover goes down.

What Exactly Is Empathy?

Empathy is being present with our self and with other people. A common description is that it is about being able to put yourself in the other persons shoes; to imagine what emotion they are experiencing and what it is like for them. Empathy is an acknowledgement (not agreement) of the other person and what they may be feeling / needing / believing. In times of creativity or disagreement empathetic people listen to what other people are saying, feeling and needing without judgement and without trying to influence what the other people are feeling, believing or needing.

Empathy is an interpersonal skill, a soft skill that is part of a person’s Emotional Intelligence (EI) or Emotional Quotient (EQ) (same thing, different name). In a professional setting, great leaders know that what will work for person A will be different than what will work for person B. Great leaders use skills like active listening and empathy to learn about each person in their charge so they can build trust and find that important balance between individual needs and company needs. In other words, a balance between empathy, trust and perspective. 

Many people incorrectly think empathy is about being nice and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is far more than that. As George Bernard Shaw said, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes. It is about being patient, respectful, thoughtful and trustworthy.

There are three types of empathy 1) Cognitive Empathy (a desire to understand), 2) Emotional Empathy (a desire to feel), 3) Compassionate Empathy, (a desire to help). For now, let’s focus only on Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy:

• Emotional Empathy – unconscious empathy. Empathy that evokes behaviours we have learned (often as children), and that are natural / instinctive for us. They demonstrate as second nature to us and likely considered one of our personal values.

• Cognitive Empathy – empathy we deliberately turn on and turn off when we feel the need.

To be high on the EI / IQ scale, we use both. To really be ‘ON’ and with someone we have to choose to add Cognitive empathy to our situation to further support emotional empathy.

Empathy should not be confused with Mindfulness, but they are related, like cousins. Mindfulness is about “Paying attention, on purpose, without judgement”, Jon Kabat-Zinn. In contrast, Dr. Leslie S Greenberg shares a formal definition of empathy (which he calls empathic attunement) in his latest book called Changing Emotion with Emotion. Greenburg writes, “Empathic attunement to affect involves a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of another’s inner world, knowing their rhythm, feeling and experiencing by metaphorically being in their skin.”

Why is Empathy at Work Important?

People are attracted to people and to places that respect them and make them feel respected and safe.

When we are treated poorly and we don’t feel others trust us, it is unlikely we will trust the other person or people; we will protect our vulnerability. Both in a personal and professional setting, if you don’t trust someone else, it is unlikely you would be able to say, “I screwed up, I made a mistake, I don’t agree, or I am worried.” Another way common way many of us protect our vulnerability is to hold back on our creativity and new ideas. Instead, everyone plays it safe – hides and protects themselves.

When we demonstrate empathy, the other person / persons recognize we are showing them attention which is a validating feeling that they matter. When we feel we matter and also feel safe and respected and trusted, we can continue to have a supportive, productive relationship and work together even when we disagree; this is where we will be willingly open to find a compromise.

On an individual level, being an empathetic person (demonstrating empathy) can also make you and me happier. In an experiment, Daniel Goleman, a leader in EI walked through New York for 50 blocks. As he passed people… stressed out New Yorkers… he offered a positive greeting, sending out love and kindness. As it says in his Washington post article the result of this experiment is that he felt joy, a calming, pleasing, intrinsic reward he gave himself.

Conclusion

Empathy plays a significant role in getting the best from the people in our charge. A helpful mindset is to think, ‘how do I help my people be their best’ vs ‘how do I get the most out of my people’. The difference is subtle, but it is important.

I have one suggestion as you may explore your own relationship with empathy. Have people you let your guard down with and who you can be yourself; be able to give and receive empathy. It is always important for us to be able to freely connect with our emotions and to practice connecting with others around us. The alternative is that we can fall out of practice, especially if we live and/or work in a space that has little to no empathy. And in those cases where empathy is limited, do your very best to not close yourself off or begin reflecting the same unhealthy communication and emotional intelligence as those around you.

Thank you for reading about the importance of empathy at work… and everywhere else.

You may also be interested in reading my post, ‘How to Practice Empathy at Work’.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• How to Practice Empathy at Work

• 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Attention On Results: Teamwork In The Workplace

To have great teamwork in the workplace where attention is on results, everyone has to trust their leader and each other. With trust, team members feel safe challenging each other (including the ‘leader’), and even disagreeing and challenging each other as they respectfully share each other’s expertise. Working together, individuals will commit to clearly defined goals and measurements of success. In addition, the trust and commitment team members built will allow them to hold each other accountable.

Trust is a wonderful and imperative foundation. Read more about how to build trust at work.

I have to confess, the first time I considered the need to elaborate on the idea of ‘Attention on Results’; this final tier of Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, I thought it oddly unnecessary. I thought that if a team was able to accomplish the previous four tiers, why would they have inattention to results. But after further investigation and a look into my past years in corporate banking, I saw it does deserve a dedicated discussion… so here is my take on it.

How Attention On Results Works:

When the whole team is focused on achieving the same goal, team members will feel an energy as they work together and support each other and the project. With this harmony, it’s unlikely to hear statements like “That was Richards job – not mine”, “It’s not my fault” or “Richard isn’t pulling his weight”. Instead, in high-functioning teams, team members support each other and it’s more likely to hear, “How can I help?” or “How can we combine effort to make it more effective?” or “I may have an answer to your problem / set-back”.

Without a shared commitment to the final goal a few things often happen. One of the most frequent is that people like Richard will care more for what makes him look good and put his individual goals and ambitions ahead of the shared goals and the needs of the many. Richard may even focus on an unrelated goal he can take individual credit for, while making hollow gestures of support for the shared strategic goal and attacking / blaming others for the lack of progress. In this case, Richard’s inattention to results pulls the whole team down and puts success at risk.

Alternatively, successful teamwork in the workplace means teammates are committed to the shared strategic goal and watch out for each other. For example, when ‘Bob’ falls behind his sales goals, all salespeople will do their best to exceed their goals to meet the company-wide goal. Or, if the Widget A design team is experiencing a set-back, they trust they can reach out to the Widget B and C teams to collaborate to find a solution. Successful teamwork in the workplace happens when individuals don’t treat themselves as islands, they stay focussed on the big picture. As the Three Musketeers said, “All for one and one for all.”

Individual Work Still Matters:

Attention on results doesn’t mean that individual success doesn’t matter. Shared goals do need everyone to work at their best and achieve their own personal and professional goals.

Interestingly, for those who worry their individual work still matters and that it may not be recognized, in reality individual commitment and excellence may get all team members even more attention and recognition. Consider that working within a high-functioning team on a highly successful project, it’s nearly guaranteed each teammate will:

• Get attention (and bragging rights) because they worked on a highly successful project.

• Gain valuable experience in areas they would not usually get exposure to as they collaborate and discuss solutions.

• Gain a reputation for being excellent at their work.

• Develop a reputation of being a great team player.

• Because of their team experience they will have a whole network of people who respect them and, in time when that network is looking for great new talent and a referral, they will have their own personal cheerleading section.

What’s Necessary To Have Attention On Results:

I’ve shared previously in this article and others that the only way to have attention on results is for a team to hold themselves and each other accountable and trust each other enough to freely share their individual expertise and experience.

There are many other things a great team leader can do to build this type of commitment. For example, 

1. Keep a focus on the organization values. Every decision should reflect back onto the organization values and by doing that, the values will provide a clear guide on what decisions need to be made.

2. Once a shared goal is defined and committed to, I recommend creating a team contract; a 1-page overview of the goal, each teams’ or individuals’ responsibilities and how success will be measured. I also recommend this contract include a companywide and project vision statement and mission statement.

3. Expectations have to be shared, clear, understood and achievable. In addition, it has to be clear how each team member’s results roll up into the team or departments results and how the departments results roll up into the company’s results. Our commitment to results always matters because our work and results must support the level above us.

4. Leaders and team members should reward only behaviors and actions that contribute to shared results

5. Commit to frequent meetings everyone agrees (in advance) to attend. Schedule these meetings weeks and/or months (as necessary), ahead to ensure availability. Keep these meetings as short (under 1-hour if possible) and during these meeting have everyone share their commitments and the status of their delivery on their goals. I recommend a status code of each project as Green, Yellow and Red to help make the status easily identifiable. I’ll repeat, these meetings have to be a place of trust and respect where people can bring challenges and not be ridiculed.

6. Each member knows they are going to be held accountable for their commitment and to support the team through the journey through crisis and unavoidable tasks that could not have been identified at the beginning of the project.

If you are going to have accountability, then you have to also keep your focus on results.

Inattention to Results Conclusion:

A team that is focused on team results will retain good staff, make sacrifices for the good of the team and they will enjoy credit for their team – and then for themselves through the teams success.

Great leaders help every team member feel safe and free to respectfully challenge each other (including the ‘leader’), disagree and perhaps even argue as they share each other’s expertise. Only then, when everyone is working together and holding each other accountable will the project - and each individual thrive.

And that is how you can have attention on results and teamwork in the workplace.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy your comments / suggestions.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Build Employee Commitment

Employee commitment is one of the most important qualities leaders can cultivate with their team; it is a powerful asset - a multiplier of productivity, creativity and loyalty. The beauty is that people like you and me like to commit; committing makes us feel part of something important. But we will not commit if we feel we are being neglected, taken advantage of, abused, excluded, under-appreciated or lied to (I’m sure you can think of others to add to this list).

What Do I Mean By Commitment?

Commitment is built when people add their voice to a conversation or brainstorming meeting and their voice is respected and considered. Even if their idea didn’t make it into the final decision, because their voice was respected and valued during the process, they begin to fully invest in the decision the team made. This is an example of a strong corporate culture and how trust and healthy conflict lead to building employee commitment at work.

Studies prove there is a direct and measurable link between commitment and employee performance factors like transparency, creativity, productivity, work quality and turnover. For example, when employee commitment is high, turnover is almost always low while transparency, creativity, productivity and quality of work are high. When employee commitment is low, turnover is almost always high while most other measurement criteria are low.

Not surprising, without commitment the success of every project is in jeopardy. Because commitment is critical to success, it is important leaders cultivate commitment and know how to inspire the employees they support. Traditionally, companies focused on job security and money as primary motivators. While that approach may have been great in the 1950’s, it is not a great option with today’s four-generations of highly educated, multicultural employees working within a fast-paced global economy.

Diving Deeper Into How To Build Commitment

Let’s not even bother discussing the myth of job security in today’s economy. And, even though getting paid a fair wage is important, money is no longer a good motivator. Money and the hope of a raise 12 months from now have a poor track record at inspiring most people to do more than what is required to get a ‘meets expectations’ at their next annual review. Even bonuses quickly become expected and turn into what is called a ‘hygiene motivator’ (without it you would not be able to attract new employees and current employees would stop showing up). If you don’t agree, try eliminating bonuses and just watch your employee turnover increase exponentially while performance and employee morale drop like a stone. But all hope of building commitment is not lost, there are far more effective (and virtually free) motivators known as intrinsic motivators.

I introduce the top 10 motivators in my Leadership Training courses, but for the purpose of this article let me share the following top five intrinsic motivators that brilliantly build commitment and workplace excellence:

1. Being respected and valued at work

2. Doing interesting and challenging work

3. Professional development / opportunities

4. Achieving something / doing something important

5. Being given greater responsibility

Take a moment to let it sink in that ‘being respected and valued at work’ is frequently rated the #1 motivator to help build employee commitment. This is no surprise because everyone, no matter what work they do or how long they’ve been working want to be respected and valued. You know this is true because I am certain this is one of your key motivators.

Being respected and valued also ties into a basic human need to be ‘seen’ and ‘included’, to have our voices heard. It is our inborn and intrinsic desire to matter; we all want to make a difference. When you think of it, being respected and valued fits perfectly into any organizations plan to improve diversity and inclusion (D&I). Because intrinsic motivators are so important, let’s look at how both leaders and employees can use them to drive personal and professional success:

• As a leader I believe one of our most important jobs is to learn - to be curious about which intrinsic motivators inspire each member of our team. Remember, people are individuals and everyone will be motivated by different things at different intensities. One person may be motivated by doing interesting and challenging work while another is motivated by professional development / opportunities.

• As an employee I believe one of our most important jobs is to determine which motivators are most important to us and to then share that information with our leader; help our leader (and frankly other members of our team), inspire us. For example, perhaps you want greater responsibility and professional development opportunities because you want your career to grow. If this is you then make sure your leader knows and doesn’t have to guess at what your future ambitions are and how to help you / motivate you because they may think you are content with your position and therefore doing interesting and challenging work will keep you inspired and committed to excellence.

Live The Company Values:

As important as motivation is to cultivate commitment, leaders must also demonstrate integrity. One of the easiest ways I've found to do that is to live the company values. Two of the most important values I’ve discussed in previous articles that demonstrate how a leader can build commitment are:

• To trust and be trustworthy (to be dependable)

• Show respect (by giving everyone the opportunity to share ideas)

I believe these values (which are part of almost every organizations core value set), have a symbiotic relationship; you either have both or you have neither. For example, if an employee doesn’t trust their leader they will never freely share their ideas.

When it comes to gaining employee commitment to a plan, the best way to do this is to have each person add their unique expertise, education and lived experience to the solution. Employees have to trust each other and their leader to be honest, transparent, and respectful. It means not ever feeling attacked or made fun of when we share our ideas or experience. It also means that if my boss needs to share constructive feedback with me, I am confident I will be respected and can trust their feedback comes from a place of making me, the team, the project and the company better. Note: That feedback should also be timely - delivered as soon as possible within a private conversation.

For me, one other element is needed to cultivate commitment within a team. I have always found it important to create a workspace culture that helps employees learn about each other and from each other. I believe this familiarity reinforces the idea that we all have something to say and something to learn. Many professionals recommend activities that help employees discover what they have in common. I like those - but I also like activities that help employees learn what is different / unique about each other. I believe this helps them understand each other’s unique contribution potential.

When a team knows they can trust their leader and each-other, that is when they will do their best work… and feel proud an energized at the same time.

Conclusion:

Building commitment at work isn’t always easy but it’s a priority of every successful leader that I know. A conscious decision to build employee commitment really does make a difference. I’ve seen mediocre teams transform into high-performing teams in months when they got a new leader… and I’ve seen high-performing teams unravel in weeks when they got a poor leader.

One last observation about commitment (I did not want to scare you above). Commitment has many layers (holding back a reference to the children’s movie Shrek). I believe there are four key places where individuals channel our commitment.

1. Commitment to ourselves and our work (and our family / friends)

2. Commitment to our leader 

3. Commitment to our team (or project teams)

4. Commitment to our company

For the purpose of this article, perhaps you don’t need to focus on these - what I’ve shared above might be the most important for now. But, do keep these four areas in the back of your mind. They may help explain behaviour as you see it unfold.

TRUST Bonus:

To build trust everyone has to understand what behaviour is appropriate and what is not appropriate…. and to be held accountable. For example, Alan Mulally (one of the most successful and celebrated leaders and former CEO of Boeing and Ford) has 11 Working Together Principles and Practices. Four of those are:

1. Everyone included

2. Clear performance goals

3. One plan

4. Respect, listen, help and appreciate each other

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about employee commitment at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Could Fear Of Conflict Be Holding Back Your Team?

You can have conflict only when you have trust.

When I say, “you can have conflict only when you have trust”, I’m not meaning negative, vindictive, inappropriate, call the lawyers conflict. I mean sharing opposing views, challenging each other’s assumptions, opening your mind and encouraging yourself… and each other to grow conflict. 

An essential ingredient of a proud and inclusive workspace is when employees, partners and suppliers don't fear conflict. They know they’re able to freely share each other’s experiences, knowledge and points of view and not worry about being attacked, mocked, ridiculed or worse. It’s exciting and empowering to be part of a team that’s committed to finding the best solution by sharing different ideas and being able to challenge each other’s assumptions, judgements and even beliefs from a place of respect and curiosity. That said, maybe the word ‘conflict’ isn’t the best word to use – it sounds negative; perhaps engagement is a better option. But because conflict is what Patrick Lencioni, founder of the Table Group and author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team calls it, we will stay with conflict for now. 

Sharing Opposing Views And Making A Decision Can Get Loud

I think it’s fair to recognize that sharing opposing views and challenging each other’s assumptions can get a little loud (some workspaces, families and cultures embrace loud debate). Personally, I’m better with calm discussion, but if loud is your way then go for it… as long as that’s what everyone expects and they feel safe and respected. I also recommend always being aware of your surroundings for a few reasons. For example:

• I urge you to stay aware of socially acceptable boundaries relating to colourful language and/or full-on inappropriate language (read your HR policies). Crossing over the socially acceptable line can cause you trouble even within a trusting relationship. We have to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t.

• People won’t share if they feel intimidated by how everyone around them communicates. For example, introverts, new hires, suppliers and meeting guests may not understand what is going on if they are not familiar with your discussion and debate style (this goes for your at-home neighbours and people in the grocery store as well). 

Whether we are speaking with someone or writing an email, I believe our primary goal should be sharing whenever we communicate. As a leader, I want to make the distinction that sharing our ideas and experience does not mean you or I have to change each other’s mind or beliefs. What is vital is that all voices are respected and we understand that challenging each other (conflict), is an important step toward collaboration and for us to honour our commitment to find a single clearly defined, measurable choice. When everyone has input, good things happen.

Conflict and Respect Within Difficult Conversations At Work

Hearing and respecting feedback, opinions, and even goals that are different than our own (like not getting a promotion we want) requires Vulnerability Trust. As I shared in a blogpost about trust at work, an example of Vulnerability Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I am sorry, “I don’t know,” or “I made a mistake,” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked.

Within healthy conflict, Vulnerability Trust strengthens our relationships as you and I experience first-hand we will not be attacked or made fool of. Using a workplace example, there is something pretty special when we can listen to our counterparts as they share honest feedback - and know (trust) it is coming from a place of support not malice or revenge. It often takes time to build trust in our team and our ability to have healthy conflict at work; it also requires we watch our triggers and our conscious and unconscious biases… especially concerning challenging news.

The one thing we really want to avoid is holding back constructive feedback because ‘we don’t want to hurt Richards feelings’. If we do hold back, what often happens is that instead of having a discussion we start making excuses, saying things like “It’s just the way Richard is”. If we hang that reputation on Richard without ever confronting him we are likely doing him a disservice that will have long-lasting negative implications on his career. Instead, choose to have a difficult conversation with Richard and respectfully share what you are experiencing / noticing. At that point Richard now has a choice to adjust or not, and what happens next is up to him.

Conclusion

Conflict is an important component within any highly functioning company or relationship. And, as I suggested above it is not meant as a fight or battle… but a commitment for two or more people to respectfully struggle as they discuss, debate, share and learn from each other.

For me, there is nothing quite like having a constructive debate. Using a personal example, in non-Covid times I always enjoyed having a few good friends over and to fall into a lively discussion on some in-the-news topic (usually over a glass or two of scotch).  I find this a meaningful reflection of many workspaces because while we are great friends, we all very different in our age, backgrounds and careers. And yes, we have very different and very similar interpretations on things. It is invigorating and I always learn something from each encounter and / or I’m reminded how wonderful it is when someone gives me space – and respect to share my ideas.

So perhaps now that we are at the end of this article, this may be a better time to ask you, “could fear of conflict be holding back your team”?

When we listen we learn, and when we don’t listen we see what we want… not usually what is true or the ideal solution. As my wonderful friend Belinda Jackson recently said to me, “[It’s] always important for a leader to listen and to ask the team if there are ideas they want to share that can make the team stronger. If you want a team, you have to be a team player. Everyone has been in different situations and it is important to share ideas and to be open to hearing them.”

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about conflict at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Why Trust Matters and How To Build Trust At Work

A productive team trusts each other.

Building a successful team takes self-awareness and courage; it also takes empathy, listening and trust. 

Trust is when you can depend on something or someone… at least this is the definition I work with. Yes, this is a simple definition, but even so trust is often elusive… especially trust at work.

While doing research for this article I came across the following quote from D. Bowlby that stopped me cold because it's so amazingly relevant to a leader from my past I had to endure.

“If you do not trust your own judgments, actions, and decisions, you will question the motives of others."

Imagine the damage a leader can do to the morale and cohesion of a team when, instead of trusting recommendations as points for discussion, their own ego sees any and all recommendations as threats. In one particular instance I know of, the leader even went so far as to allege unsubstantiated workplace harassment and bullying against members of their senior team. This unfortunately is a real example that lead to months of stress, expense and long-term loss of income for the organization and the many people caught in the leaders loosely cast - ego driven net. Sadly, I am sure this scenario has played out many times in corporations and associations of all sizes.

There are many ways to destroy trust. For example, laughing at an idea or observation a fellow team member has is one of the most efficient ways to destroy trust… and show disrespect. Another is to cast aside recommendations using the age-old and exhausting excuse, “We tried that in the past and it didn’t work.” In my opinion, anyone who has lived through the last 12 months... never mind the last century should know nothing can be taken for granted, there are always lessons to be learned and whatever didn’t work yesterday might very well work today or in the future.

But enough of the negative; lets look at how to build trust on a team.

Patrick Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team and founder of the Table Group describes trust in two ways:

1. Predictive Trust

2. Vulnerability Based Trust

The following are my professional reflections of these two types of trust.

Predictive Trust is usually built over time – from experience. My interpretation of Predictive Trust is when I can count on (or predict) what you will say or do in a certain circumstance. For example: If my partner asks, “Do you want ice-cream?” he can trust I will say, “Yes please.”

Vulnerability Based Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” or “I am sorry” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked. Vulnerability Trust means you can be in a meeting and suggest a course of action or idea and you will not fear you may be laughed at or mocked. I believe Vulnerability Trust is more personal – more tender.

Based on the Difficult Conversations training I do with clients, I would say Vulnerability Trust is also where someone can say to me, “You messed up” “You are letting the team down” or “I can’t give you what you want” and I will stay open and keep listening because I trust the other person is sharing information in good faith and likely for my benefit, even if it’s difficult / disappointing for me to hear. Vulnerability Trust is where two people can discuss sensitive topics and even disagree, but stay present and keep doing their best work, moving forward to find solutions instead of assigning blame to setbacks and gaps. It’s when team members can stay in discussion / dialogue without being defensive or shutting down.

How To Develop Productive Trustworthy Teams

To develop productive teams Patrick Lencioni believes leaders must intentionally nurture vulnerability and I 100% agree. 

The following are two ways leaders can build trust within their team. Then, at the end of this article I quickly reference 11 more ways to create a safe, trusting workplace culture.

But before I go any further, I want to be perfectly clear that not all leaders have the title ‘leader’. In many big and small ways leadership responsibilities are often shared between co-workers depending on what is needed by the team and the project at that moment.

1. The quickest way to build vulnerability trust on a team is for the leader to demonstrate it. Otherwise, why would a team trust their leader if the leader never trusted or respected their team / team members? The best leaders quickly acknowledge when they need help and (equally importantly) their mistakes. Trusted leaders don't take control of every situation; they don't pretend they are all-knowing, and they don’t get ‘defensive’ when asked a question or given advice. Team members gain confidence when leaders are honest and respectful and demonstrate its ok to speak up when they have a question and/or an opinion. They start thinking things like “Since my leader is honest and up front with me, I can see it's OK for me to be honest and upfront with them,” and “There are things I can do and things I cannot do, the important thing is to ask each other for help.”

2. Another way for anyone to build vulnerability trust is to give credit to others. A trustworthy leader will not think twice before saying something like, “I know you have been working on this, and while I think you are doing well it’s a long journey and I do hope you stick with it,” or “I know bringing your concerns to me was not easy and I want to acknowledge that. I’m pleased we can be honest and open.”

Of course vulnerability trust also strengthens relationships between co-workers. The important thing to know is that this works… it really really works!

• I’ve worked with leaders who show disconnected individuals how to trust each other, turning them into highly productive and highly loyal teams who have a renewed loyalty to each other and the organization.

• I’ve seen great teams disintegrate when a great leader leaves and a weak leader replaces them. Recently leader I admire shared with me that in just over one year his previous team of 20 loyal, hard working professionals (who also found time to laugh with each other), experienced 100% turnover except for one person. Imagine! 

11 Ways To Create A Safe, Trusting Workplace Culture

Here are 11 ways leaders and teams create a safe, trusting work culture (yes, some of these mean we have to be vulnerable… but if we are not willing to be, it sends a signal that others cannot be either):

1. Eliminate disparaging talk and gossip. We have to all feel safe and that we are being open, honest, respectful and respected.

2. Be transparent and honest about goals, challenges, news. Share ‘What’ and ‘Why’.

3. Know your preferred work style and strengths and take time to understand and appreciate another's work styles and strengths. Myers Brigs and SuccessFinder are two great tools to use, learn from and share with your team.

4. Take time to learn about each other but don’t push if people want to be more private than you.

5. Share your successes and also share your failures - this gives others permission to make mistakes

6. Admit when you are wrong, make mistakes and readily apologize.

7. Acknowledge and celebrate the successes of others.

8. Listen to others and take their advice – help them be proud by giving them credit for their ideas and experience.

9. Be willing to learn from each other. Leaders especially need to demonstrate they don’t know it all and are willing to learn from their team.

10. Don’t make assumptions about people’s behaviour or actions – watch your conscious and unconscious biases especially concerning challenging news.

11. Don’t hold grudges – deal with situations, learn from them and move on – be an example.

While trust is the main topic of this blog post, you may also be interested in a blog I wrote last year called 5 Stages of Team Development.

It takes courage and bravery to build trust… especially vulnerability trust. There will be times you wish you didn’t, but as Brené Brown says, “If you choose courage, you will absolutely know disappointment, setback and even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage.” But I promise you, trusting yourself and others gives you a unique strength.

BONUS: Trust Helps When Hearing Bad News

We can begin to manage our defence triggers (fight & flight) when we know we are respected, supported and won’t be made a fool of. When we trust we learn to stay present and listen to unpleasant feedback or be part of decisions that, while they go against our personal or professional self-interest, we can still support because we know the decisions are made with honesty and in-line with the agreed upon goals.

Conclusion

While it is possible for great teams to form without a strong leader, the most productive, most loyal teams exist when a strong leader createsa safe, trusting, transparent workspace where team members feel they belong and are treated with dignity and respect. The beauty is, when you have trust you can have conflict. I don’t mean conflict like wars and fighting… I mean discussions, (perhaps even loud passionate discussions), but still discussions that show respect and appreciation.

To end, I want to leave you with this one thought. I wish I could remember where I read it and who to credit; I’m not even sure I am quoting it right, but here it goes, “You can’t trust when you have to sacrifice respectful honesty in order to protect and feed someone ego.” Please, don’t be the person with an ego that others have to protect.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about workplace culture, predictive trust and vulnerability trust.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

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