How to Practice Empathy at Work

Some people are naturally more empathic than others

Generally, we begin to develop our empathic skills when we are children by observing and learning from our family, communities, coaches, mentors, teachers and entertainment. When we mirror these behaviours we are rewarded (often with praise and attention) which further locks our understanding and comfort exhibiting these behaviours. During this process we usually also gain an ability to recognize empathic behaviours in others. The same goes when we practice empathy at work. When we are rewarded we repeat behaviours – both good and bad. So, in order to practice empathy at work we have to have leaders, coworkers and even suppliers and customers who demonstrate empathy and we all (or at least most of us) have to reward each other when we recognize it.

Why Do We Struggle Accessing Empathy?

To experience empathy we have to get in touch with our emotions. It is natural our empathy may be underdeveloped if our awareness, understanding and practice of empathy has not been nurtured. In more extreme cases, some people suffer from Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD), but for most of us we all have some level of empathy. Some of us are more empathetic than others and many of us have learned to me more empathetic or less empathetic in certain situations, like at work.

There are many reasons why we may struggle accessing empathy. Here are eight:

1. We may learn to not feel empathy for survival. Imagine a hostile family setting or workspace that we can’t leave because of financial reasons. Knowingly or not, we may learn to not feel based for survival. Unfortunately, shutting down in one space often impacts all the other spaces we exist.

2. People who have an empathy impairment may be antisocial or have a narcissistic personality, autism or schizophrenia. Another reason people demonstrate low levels of empathy is that they may have been raised in families that avoided their feelings and even condemned others for feeling emotions. Some people have learned to shut down their feelings early in their lives to such a degree that they can’t even recognize or name their own feelings, and if we can’t recognize our own feelings we certainly can’t feel empathy for what other people are feeling, needing or experiencing.

   Whatever the reason, people who lack empathy are often disconnected from themselves and the people around them. They may not even aware of their disconnect and that something important is missing. In most cases these people need professional support to learn to connect with their emotions.

3. Some businesspeople may wrongly have learned that empathy makes them weak or has no place in business / at work.

4. In our personal lives some people may push away empathy and vulnerability in relationships in order to protect themselves because they have been hurt in the past.

5. Some people may believe that if the empathize with someone that means they agree. (It does not).

6. Some people may have learned that showing empathy means they are weak.

7. Some people avoid empathy so that they can avoid dealing with their own fears and emotions that may cause them pain. Truth is, it is likely that those unprocessed feelings are causing them pain anyway. Again, the best way to learn to safely connect with their emotions is to get professional support.

8. Some people may believe empathy also means we share an unhealthy or inappropriate intimacy.

Empathy Is A Teachable Skill. How We Can Build And Practice Empathy At Work

Yes, we can learn to be more empathetic over time. This change process is called Neuro plasticity – the creation of new brain patterns. Neuro plasticity is like a reset – the more we change practice the more new habits become new reflexes. And, as I mentioned earlier, in the most difficult cases the best way to learn to safely connect with emotions will likely mean getting professional support.

The same way that great leaders become great by studying leadership techniques, learning and practicing, same goes for empathy. In most adult cases, learning to cultivate empathy and create new brain patterns is possible only when the individual is willing to change. We should also recognize that while supportive people and environments help us cultivate our empathy, angry and disconnected people and environments can weaken our ability to access our own empathy.

As A Leader… Helping Your Team or Team Member Practice Empathy At Work

As a leader I recommend the following two-step approach to helping your team or a member of your team be more empathetic.

Step 1.

The approach to teaching empathy often is customized depending on the person’s motivation and personal style and their environment / culture. In all circumstances, appreciation, positive rewards and recognition are also strongly encouraged as a core element to help individuals feel good about the empathetic choices they are making.

Whether in a personal or business space steps all related to manage each other’s expectations:

1. Share with them what behaviours are expected and not expected. Whether it is a technical skill or a soft skill, people can’t do what you expect if they don’t know what you expect.

2. Share why the behaviours that are expected and why they are important to the family and/or company as well as themselves. We all have greater motivation when we know the benefit (the why) our efforts are important and how we are making a difference.

3. Begin with empathy experiences that will resonate with their own goals and personal motivators. For example, if they are motivated by being seen as an expert in an area or by knowing they have contributed / added to a project, point out how you demonstrate empathy as a reward.

4. Be careful with what is considered ‘constructive feedback’. In time this will be a useful tool, but in the early stages it may feel demotivating. Instead, in the early stages focus far more on progress made while still acknowledging room for further development. Once individuals experienced success and gained some confidence in the process and their ability… and trust you, constructive feedback can be included. It may also be helpful to use a hypothetical example of how to demonstrate empathy when someone is falling short of expectations. This may provide some clarity without having to impact potential fears until their confidence or trust improves.

Step 2.

Learn to use / deepen your empathy. Your brain has neuroplasticity, it changes based on you repeating actions and / or though patterns and eventually they become routine, easy to access or easy to do. To learn how to be more empathetic, use your body to help your mind.

1. Listen with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine what it would be like to have experienced what they are experiencing… or perhaps remember a time when you have felt like they feel… even if the circumstances are different.

   1. Listen more than you talk – listen attentively. Don’t think about what you will say.

   2. Ask open ended questions like “Tell me more”

   3. Notice how you are feeling – the first step in self-regulating. The second step is to ask “Is what I’m feeling helpful? How do I want to respond? Should I respond? What will be helpful? Will being quiet be what they really need now?

   4. Imagine how they might be feeling. Name the feelings. “They are angry”, “They are feeling they don’t matter” etc.

      1. Discuss how you would feel if you felt that. Would you be motivated or demotivated? What would you do in the short and long term

      2. Discuss the feelings they might be having. Would they be motivated or demotivated? How might they act in the short and long term.

2. Afterwards, explore what you learned about yourself and about them.  Where did you empathize? How did it go?  What went well? What might you do a bit differently next time?

As An Individual… Helping Yourself Practice Empathy At Work

If you are trying to help yourself fine-tune your empathy, I have a few recommendations to help you become more empathetic.

1. Do not try to change everything all at once. One of the first steps in this process is recognition of feelings and emotions within ourselves.

2. Don’t start on something that is going to be most difficult for you to change.

3. Do try to change something that is going to have meaningful, noticeable impact so you can feel a win, those around you can notice your effort and change and your efforts will make a difference.

Example: Perhaps start with offering greater recognition and being a mindful listener, but when it comes to having difficult conversations, bring support to those discussions. See growth as one step at a time and that eventually you will be prepared to handle difficult conversations on your own.

Conclusion

The more experiences we have feeling and learning about emotions – especially as youngsters, the more capable at managing our own emotions and being able to correctly recognize and relate to those emotions in other. As adults it can be a longer process but learning how to be more empathetic starts with recognizing the need and practicing empathy.

Let me leave you with one quick discussion of what not to do if you want to be more empathetic.

1. Don’t invalidate other persons feelings.

2. Don’t tell others how they should or should not feel (You shouldn’t think that, you should be grateful).

3. Don’t one-up them, “I know how you feel” or “You think that is big, listen to what happened to me”.

Thank you for reading about how to practice empathy at work.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• The Importance of Empathy at Work

• 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

The Importance of Empathy at Work

Empathy, trust, being supportive and having perspective are four attributes great leaders have. As Simon Sinek said in his keynote at the Live2Lead event in 2016, “Great leadership is not about being in charge, it’s about taking care of the people in their charge. Great leaders go through a transition from being responsible for the job and become responsible for the people who are responsible for the job.” Sinek continues, “One problem is we are suffering from business theories left over from the 80’s, one being the concept of shareholder supremacy.” Shareholder supremacy is when leaders are focused on meeting the quarterly and annual revenue targets and not on building a caring, trusting, supportive environment where employees are proud, can do their best work and are loyal. As Sinek says, “Shareholder supremacy is a theory that is bad for people and bad for business.” When leaders only focus on shareholder value and their primary goal, they lose focus on “taking care of the people in their charge” says Sinek.

Today great leaders build a company that has the support of their employees and their customers as their primary goal by building an environment based on empathy, trust and shared perspective. Great leaders and great companies help each member of their team embrace purpose while also aligning business goals with individual goals. When employees business goals are supported, great things happen; creativity is high, productivity is high, solutions are responsive and appropriate, clients and suppliers are happy, brand reputation goes up, costs and expenses go down, turnover goes down.

What Exactly Is Empathy?

Empathy is being present with our self and with other people. A common description is that it is about being able to put yourself in the other persons shoes; to imagine what emotion they are experiencing and what it is like for them. Empathy is an acknowledgement (not agreement) of the other person and what they may be feeling / needing / believing. In times of creativity or disagreement empathetic people listen to what other people are saying, feeling and needing without judgement and without trying to influence what the other people are feeling, believing or needing.

Empathy is an interpersonal skill, a soft skill that is part of a person’s Emotional Intelligence (EI) or Emotional Quotient (EQ) (same thing, different name). In a professional setting, great leaders know that what will work for person A will be different than what will work for person B. Great leaders use skills like active listening and empathy to learn about each person in their charge so they can build trust and find that important balance between individual needs and company needs. In other words, a balance between empathy, trust and perspective. 

Many people incorrectly think empathy is about being nice and doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. It is far more than that. As George Bernard Shaw said, “Do not do unto others as you would have them do unto you—they might have different tastes.” Empathy is about discovering those tastes. It is about being patient, respectful, thoughtful and trustworthy.

There are three types of empathy 1) Cognitive Empathy (a desire to understand), 2) Emotional Empathy (a desire to feel), 3) Compassionate Empathy, (a desire to help). For now, let’s focus only on Emotional Empathy and Cognitive Empathy:

• Emotional Empathy – unconscious empathy. Empathy that evokes behaviours we have learned (often as children), and that are natural / instinctive for us. They demonstrate as second nature to us and likely considered one of our personal values.

• Cognitive Empathy – empathy we deliberately turn on and turn off when we feel the need.

To be high on the EI / IQ scale, we use both. To really be ‘ON’ and with someone we have to choose to add Cognitive empathy to our situation to further support emotional empathy.

Empathy should not be confused with Mindfulness, but they are related, like cousins. Mindfulness is about “Paying attention, on purpose, without judgement”, Jon Kabat-Zinn. In contrast, Dr. Leslie S Greenberg shares a formal definition of empathy (which he calls empathic attunement) in his latest book called Changing Emotion with Emotion. Greenburg writes, “Empathic attunement to affect involves a kinesthetic and emotional sensing of another’s inner world, knowing their rhythm, feeling and experiencing by metaphorically being in their skin.”

Why is Empathy at Work Important?

People are attracted to people and to places that respect them and make them feel respected and safe.

When we are treated poorly and we don’t feel others trust us, it is unlikely we will trust the other person or people; we will protect our vulnerability. Both in a personal and professional setting, if you don’t trust someone else, it is unlikely you would be able to say, “I screwed up, I made a mistake, I don’t agree, or I am worried.” Another way common way many of us protect our vulnerability is to hold back on our creativity and new ideas. Instead, everyone plays it safe – hides and protects themselves.

When we demonstrate empathy, the other person / persons recognize we are showing them attention which is a validating feeling that they matter. When we feel we matter and also feel safe and respected and trusted, we can continue to have a supportive, productive relationship and work together even when we disagree; this is where we will be willingly open to find a compromise.

On an individual level, being an empathetic person (demonstrating empathy) can also make you and me happier. In an experiment, Daniel Goleman, a leader in EI walked through New York for 50 blocks. As he passed people… stressed out New Yorkers… he offered a positive greeting, sending out love and kindness. As it says in his Washington post article the result of this experiment is that he felt joy, a calming, pleasing, intrinsic reward he gave himself.

Conclusion

Empathy plays a significant role in getting the best from the people in our charge. A helpful mindset is to think, ‘how do I help my people be their best’ vs ‘how do I get the most out of my people’. The difference is subtle, but it is important.

I have one suggestion as you may explore your own relationship with empathy. Have people you let your guard down with and who you can be yourself; be able to give and receive empathy. It is always important for us to be able to freely connect with our emotions and to practice connecting with others around us. The alternative is that we can fall out of practice, especially if we live and/or work in a space that has little to no empathy. And in those cases where empathy is limited, do your very best to not close yourself off or begin reflecting the same unhealthy communication and emotional intelligence as those around you.

Thank you for reading about the importance of empathy at work… and everywhere else.

You may also be interested in reading my post, ‘How to Practice Empathy at Work’.

Bruce

Other articles in this series include:

• How to Practice Empathy at Work

• 8 Habits of Highly Empathic People

• Practicing Empathy During & After the Covid-19 Pandemic

• The Role of Empathy During Difficult Conversations at Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Eliminate Rude, Bossy & Passive Aggressive Email Tone

Most of us don’t mean to write rude, bossy and passive aggressive email, but it happens.

Thankfully there are easy ways to eliminate rude, bossy and passive aggressive email tone and instead use our email and text messages to build high-quality and highly productive relationships.

Tone is one of the most important parts of our email or text messages. Why? Because tone influences what our readers understand and how they feel about us. Our tone also influences our readers motivation to do what we are asking. We choose to be respectful, thoughtful and considerate… or not.

We often don’t take a moment to consider if we are writing rude, bossy and passive aggressive email and text message. Unfortunately, by not investing those few seconds, the compounding impact of all of our messages likely is having a negative impact on our personal and professional reputation not to mention increased stress and even lower productivity for everyone.

We choose the type of relationships we have

There are two kinds of relationships we choose have with others. We choose to have trusting, respectful, thoughtful and mutually beneficial relationships, or we choose to build frustrating, rude and stressful relationships.

Respect, appreciation and being treated with kindness are important building blocks of loyal work relationships. You know from your own experience that when you feel respected and appreciated you will usually make sure you do your very best, go the extra mile and even go our of your way to work with that other person. Alternatively, when we feel disrespected, even the most capable and creative of us will often deliver a ‘Meets Expectations’ performance and have a ‘Do what I’m asked – nothing more’ attitude. For this reason (and others), a bossy or aggressive writer doesn’t only cause stress and frustration for others when they write disrespectful, rude and/or passive aggressive messages; they also create stress and frustration for themselves.

So, how can you keep your messages from sounding rude, bossy, self-important, disrespectful and passive aggressive?

1.     Be polite.

People deserve to feel respected even if they are getting a paycheque. I don’t mean waste time with lots of social niceties. In fact, getting to the point is critical and something everyone prefers.

Being polite and respectful is one of the top values people say they appreciate in others. So, this means use words like Hi, Hello, Please and Thank You. It’s natural and polite to walk into someone’s office or call them on the phone and say, “Hi Bruce”. So why not when we email?

For example, if you were to receive the following message – especially if it was unexpected, you could easily interpret it as rude, bossy and disrespectful.

“What is the pricing on the XYZ account and when is the renewal date?”

This next version isn’t perfect, but it does sound less aggressive, more polite and more respectful… just by saying Hi, using their name and saying thanks.

“Hi Jessy,

What is the pricing on the XYZ account and when is the renewal date?

Thanks”

The one variation on this rule is if you and I write to each-other all day long. In this case, as long as you and I have talked – literally talked and agree that saying “Hi” and “thanks, isn’t necessary, then it is OK to drop it (but it may still be nice to add ‘Hi Bruce, hope you had a great weekend” at the end of our first email on a Monday morning).

2.     Manage other peoples expectations… and our own expectations.

There is nothing worse than interrupting what you are doing or rescheduling a meet because your boss sent you what sounds like an urgent request, only to find out when you deliver it that they didn’t need it for a day or two… or three. It often leaves us feeling manipulated and that our bosses don’t respect us and the time we dedicate to scheduling our commitments.

The solution is to be crystal clear and always include:

• What you need (likely you already do this)

• When you need it (helps others prioritize their schedule)

• Why you need it (helps others prioritize and often helps them determine how to format what they send to you)

• What you understand (helps everyone be clear about what each of us understand)

• What you will do (helps us not duplicate work… or worse yet miss something that needs to be done)

Using the example from point #1, the following is an even better way to build trusting, respectful, mutually beneficial relationships within a short message while we also manage other peoples expectations… and our own.

“Hi Jessy,

Please let me know by 10AM tomorrow the pricing on the XYZ account and when the renewal date is so I can include it in the proposal that is due at noon. If you need additional resources please let me know.

Thanks.”

The added benefit of the approach of this short, two-sentence email is that besides being polite, it tells Jessy what you need, when you need it and why it is important you get it by 10AM. It clearly manages Jessy’s expectations and your own. And, while you could eliminate the second sentence and still be OK, I do like it because it gives Jessy some control because it provides an opportunity to let you know if they need additional support. 

3.     Let someone know when they did a good job.

Again, you may be emailing or texting someone you pay, but everyone wants to know the work they are doing is important and they made a difference. So consider adding a line like “Those are exactly the numbers I needed.” Or “That presentation deck looks great”.

Be assured I am not recommending we praise others every time they do something, but every once in a while I urge you to recognize their work. Your 5-second investment from time to time will create positive energy and goodwill that cannot be measured.   

4.     Remember you are writing to someone else.

Most of us write as if we are writing to ourselves – with our own priorities, needs and experience but even if we are working in the same department it is likely that our priorities are different.

Example 1. Your priority may be to get a marketing forecast out by end of week, while mine is to balance my advertising spend for one of our biggest clients.

Example 2. You may have lots of industry experience and knowledge while I may be new or from a different department so don’t understand all that is involved and who to include when you ask for a ‘Agile Project Forecast’.

Example 3. Your ‘quick question’ may not have a ‘quick answer’. You may think the answer is simple, but I need to organize input from three different departments to get you the answer.

So when you are writing to someone else always try to be aware of the other peoples experience, understanding of industry language and priorities. And as I mentioned above, be sure to consider manage expectations as outlined in point 2 including providing others an opportunity to ask questions or give you feedback.

5.     Keep from sounding passive aggressive.

So far we’ve talked a lot about tone, so now lets focus in on passive aggressive messages.

I have a relative who is the queen of passive aggressive. She always seems to have an alternative motive or double meaning. The sad part is even when she isn’t being passive aggressive the rest of the family are wondering “What does she really mean?” or “What does she really want?” That is not the reputation you want to build for yourself.

Sounding passive aggressive is a bit habit forming; some people do it without even realizing it. And, expecting certain people to be passive aggressive is also habit forming. For example, if I expect you to be passive aggressive – or even rude or bossy, unless you are really careful I will always interpret your messages that way. Fortunately, people can unlearn bad habits and can rebuild their reputation.

The best way to avoid sounding passive aggressive is to re-read your messages. Ask yourself, if you were to receive it, would you be taken back? If you have the slightest feeling it is, rewrite.

That said, here are a few of my favourite passive aggressive approaches to avoid.

A: Stop asking the same question over and over. Just because you want a different answer, asking me again and again isn’t going to change reality.

B: “As per my last email”. You can hear the writers’ attitude. Perhaps it is frustration in repeating themselves over and over… or perhaps they are angry about something and someone else… but if you write it, know it will likely negatively impact your relationship with that person and perhaps others who see that email.

C: “No doubt you are aware”. This is about as blatantly passive aggressive as you can get. If someone missed something it’s right to bring their attention to it but, you don’t have to be insulting – even if they did overlook it on purpose. Remember, other people may read your message at some point and not know the whole story.

D: “For future reference” can be interpreted in many ways. Often, it means “don’t bother me again when the solution is obvious if you gave it a second of thought or did your job.” It’s worth noting that what is obvious to you may not be to me. I may be in another department, new, under extremely tight deadlines or perhaps my boss is asking me to send this and I really wish I didn’t have to. So next time – do your own reputation a favour and leave out these three words. “Here is where you will find files on this topic,” is much more friendly than “For future reference, here is where you will find files on this topic,”.

E: “Thanks in advance” is one of my least favourite statements. For the few times I receive it, it is usually followed by a request that is not my responsibility, the bottom of my priority list or junk email.

6.     When you ask for a meeting, be prompt with the start and stop time.

I know this doesn’t have anything to do with tone in writing; unfortunately running over timelines happens all too often, causing major frustration with employees, coworkers and suppliers. It is also passive aggressive behaviour so I thought I would include it.

Nowadays many of us have back to back online meetings using Zoom or Microsoft Teams. We go directly from one meeting to another with no break. Showing respect for others means we start meetings on time. It also means we end meetings on time… or early (imagine that). If we are a meeting organizer or presenter and force 10 coworkers and other department heads to wait for us because we are 5-minutes late, that means we just cost our company 50-minutes of productivity. If this happens routinely we build a reputation as selfish, entitled, disorganized and even unaware of how hard others are working.

Key time management and reputation saving tip is to start meetings on time and be sure to cover the critical elements first. Then, if there is time go ahead and discuss topics that are not part of the agenda and meeting purpose. Too often the reverse is done and the real meeting agenda is squeezed into the last 10-minutes and we find we are late for our next meeting.

Whether you make $30,000 or $300,000 respect the people you work with and yourself.

Conclusion:

Turning the table for a moment, when you receive a rude, bossy and passive aggressive email or text message, there is always a way to reply and not join their club. Unfortunately, when we respond using passive aggressive phrases, that will reflect back on us. Remember, it’s all about your brand and your reputation; if someone is being ridiculous, foolish or unprofessional that is all about them and their reputation. And, when we keep ourselves under control and professional – especially at those times – people will notice… and that is a good thing for us.

For everyone else, it’s always important to remember that tone is always one of the most important parts of our email or text messages. The examples I’ve shared here are some of the most effective ways to eliminate rude, bossy and passive aggressive email tone from our messages and instead use our email and text messages to build trusting, respectful, mutually beneficial relationships.

So, as you move forward writing email and text messages I hope you routinely take a moment to consider how others will interpret your messages. The few seconds you spend getting into the habit of writing great messages will save you countless time and help you build a personal and professional reputation you can be proud of.

Thank you for reading about how to eliminate rude, bossy and passive aggressive email tone from your writing.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

When Leaders are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price: Part 2

In Part 1 of this post I mentioned how important it is for leaders to use professional evaluation tools to assess their communication skills. This is important because studies show many of us would rate ourselves as good communicators when we are not. The reality is, very few of us have invested in ourselves to learn and develop good leadership communication skills. Yes, some leaders have taken presentation skills training which has helped them speak to groups, but in their day-to-day, minute-by-minute, employee-to-employee and meeting-to-meeting work, I again propose few have invested in themselves to truly become good communicators.

I also outlined in Part 1 a total of 14 different ways leaders can be better leader communicators. But a long list like that may be overwhelming, so with that in mind lets discuss 5 of my favourite ways leaders can develop effective communication skills. Let me also give you one piece of advice now; if you are ever stuck, do whatever you feel the people you are leading need at that moment in order for them to be happy, inspired and productive employees who are loyal to you - their leader as well as loyal to their team and the company.

5 Ways Leaders Can Become Better Communicators:

#1.       Lead with a clear reflection of the company’s Vision and Values.

It’s easy to get busy and see only what is in front of us, but great leaders help their team and team members also stay focused on the big picture… the vision and values of the organization.

A focus on the company’s vision and values reminds everyone why they are working on a project and how the purpose of that project supports the teams, companies and customers success. Having a discussion at the beginning of a project to outline how the task and results will support the companies vision and values helps everyone make decisions (either independently or as a team) because they have a shared understanding of the goals and can see how that project is like one important piece of a puzzle and how it must fit. This creates harmony by streamlining goals and aligning decision making, increases commitment and accountability by everyone and saves money by delivering solutions quickly and with little waste.

#2.       Be clear with your expectations.

Being clear about your expectations is important from your big picture expectations and down to each request.

Communication Example:

Early in my career I learned the hard way that my job description was not a guide on how to be a top performer and get Exceeds Expectations; it was the minimum of what was expected of me. How wonderful it would have been if someone shared that insight with me.

When I say be clear about each request, I don’t mean micro-manage. What I do mean is answer the basics of Who, What, Where, When and How… especially when someone is new and doesn’t know your / your teams style. Far too often a leader will ask for something and everyone immediately drops what they are doing, meanwhile the request isn’t urgent. Also, far too often a leader will ask for information but doesn’t share how it will be used so their team spends far too little or far too much time ‘packaging’ it into a report that is far too brief or far too robust.

And when being clear with expectations, be sure to always keep your team motivated by shining a light on how they have met your expectations and the progress they’ve made. Remind them they have grown, and you are there as a coach as well as boss and you want to help them succeed. As leaders, far too often we tell people when they've fallen short but don’t tell them when they've met or exceeded our expectations and the reason we use is “it’s their job”. Let’s change this.

#3.       Encourage employees to ask for clarity or help 

The last thing anyone wants is someone who won’t ask for help or clarity. Unfortunately, when this happens one of three things often happen. They:

• Waste time overproducing

• Do a really bad job that can’t be used

• Bury the request and do nothing at all… which usually becomes a crisis

Too often the reason for not asking for help is because they feel they will look weak or incompetent if they ask.

In today’s workspace things are complicated and ever-changing. If an employees is doing something new (and we all should be in order to stay current and grow), we have to make sure we are clear about expectations. It is a leaders biggest frustration when they get work back they can’t use and/or have to fix themselves. This is also one of the biggest frustrations and let-downs for employees who are scared to ask their boss or work diligently on something only to see it not meet expectations and not be used. 

Great leaders let their team know that asking for help is a sign of respect for everyone and confidence in themselves. It can also be a sign of how that employee is growing and learning new skills. 

#4        Give people autonomy to make decisions

When leaders are transparent it allows team members to align their work and decisions. When employees know what is expected of them another benefit is that teams and team members are able to work more independently, choosing when and where to work.  This way, leaders can focus on getting updates and on bigger picture aspects of knowing the project is on time and on budget versus every minor decision. A critical part of this will also be to remember that ‘your way’ is not always ‘the only way’.

For example, I used to have a boss who would wordsmith copy changing a word here and a word there but never impacting the value of the document. One downside of this was that passing everything by him slowed down every project. It also had two other very negative impacts. First, everyone on the team started getting the ‘why should I bother spend more time perfecting my copy’ attitude because they knew he was going to edit and change the document. It just seemed we wasted less time by giving him ‘good but not great’ copy. Second, we never felt ownership or proud of anything final, so we began losing our inspiration to do our best. Thirdly, our loyalty to the leader, the project and the company dropped. While at that time I didn’t have a formal leadership position, I remember noticing that turnover was a bit hirer in our department than in others.

#5        Working 24/7 isn’t impressive

It’s not uncommon for people to think that being ‘busy’ is a sign of success and how valuable they are. At the same time when I teach Time Management people always talk about wanting more work-life balance.

It’s often a sign you are a good leader when your team occasionally pitch in during a crunch or to help with a great new opportunity for the company. But if this is happening all the time it is a sign something is wrong and your most valuable assets – your employees – are at risk of burning out. Note: burning out usually means short term disability or they quit. Either way it is a lose-lose situation for everyone.

The world at work is speeding up and especially since the COVID pandemic began people are stressed at home and often working far more than they or you ever signed up for. As a leader watch out for opportunities to tell your team how much they are appreciated. Also, as soon as you can reset everyone’s expectations, give them a break and perhaps lighten their load… and do that by bringing them in and asking them what ideas they have and what they need.

One last thought. Sometimes we try to give our team a break by letting timelines or quality slip. Lightening someone’s load for a short time or even a full break if they need it but lowering your and their standards isn’t the solution; people have to be proud that they did and will continue to deliver quality work.

Conclusion

Leadership is an iterative process that ebbs and flows. On one hand it is all about being in control and building a corporate culture focused on a vision and organizational values while on the other hand you are helping individuals bring their unique self to work, feel engaged and supported. It’s not easy.

As I mentioned in Part 1, the fact that 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with their employees says quite a bit. And I bet when looking at communication effectiveness, the number is actually higher if we were to ask the individuals who work with those managers. , it means there are opportunities for most of us (and I would wager all of us) to be better.

There is, however, one deceptively simple tactic that can help: ask people. Ask them, “How can I best support you?” or “What environment would help you do your best work?”. They may not have an answer immediately, but you’ll get them thinking. You’ll show them that you’re interested in their perspective. And provided you keep asking, you’ll get the answers you need to help them be happy, inspired and productive employees who are loyal to their leader, their team and the company.

Thank you for checking out ‘When Leaders Are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price? Part 2’..

An other article you might like.

When Leaders Are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price? Part 1

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

When Leaders are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price? Part 1

Imagine, 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with their employees as reported by Harvard Business Review. And since 60%-80% of most leaders’ responsibilities are now considered Soft Skills… I think we can all agree this is a serious gap / challenge.

When leaders are poor communicators, who pays the price for this gap? The answer is everyone!

• The employee: They don’t feel pride and don’t grow, leading to feeling uninspired to do their best work which starts the cycle over again.

• The company: Doesn’t get the investment, insight and loyalty from their employees that they need and that their employees want do give… if they felt proud.

• The customer / client: They don’t feel as important as they should, respected as they should and don’t get solutions that inspired employees could provide if they were engaged, respected and encouraged.

• The leader: Even the leader is eventually found out, but often not before many employees and customers have become disengaged and moved on, costing the company dearly. 

What makes a great leader communicator?

A great leader communicator starts with awareness of course. If you are wondering about yourself, look externally for your proof. Studies have shown that in almost every case we will rate ourselves as far greater - or far poorer leaders and communicators than we actually are. I encourage you to reach out to a reputable service that offers psychometric evaluations and/or who will coordinate a robust 360 degree evaluation for you and everyone else on you team… not just your leaders.

Another key aspect of being a great leader communicator is knowing what you should be doing. The following is a long list of strong leadership traits, but I will never say that a list I create is complete. I am sure everyone could add another great leadership trait that you have or do admire.

A great leader communicator is someone who:

1. Works with others to create a vision / strategy to shape their future.

2. Is an ambassador of the values of the team / organization.

3. Listens more than they speak.

4. Communicates frequently and is transparent with opportunities, goals, expectations and feedback.

5. Recognizes everyone is unique and has something special to offer.

6. Is compassionate and not afraid of their - or other peoples emotions / needs.

7. Inspires people to do their best as they work toward that vision and live those values.

8. Helps everyone incorporate each other’s style into the work and the values of the organization. IE: Does not micromanage and force others to do things ‘my way or the highway’.

9. Recognizes employee engagement is not a one-size fits all solution. For example, four motivators that engage people are competency, autonomy, purpose and impact. 

10. Builds, mentors and coaches their team so they can feel proud of their efforts and develop skill to meet their personal and professional goals.

11. Doesn't lose focus but also embraces the need to change and adapt from time to time.

12. Accepts they are not always right.

13. Accepts they don't always have the answer - someone else will likely be the Subject Matter Expert.

14. Accepts they also have something to learn and additional skills to develop.

The fact that 69% of managers are uncomfortable communicating with their employees, it means there are opportunities for most of us (and I would wager all of us) to be better. So, with that in mind, lets discuss some of the things that many leaders hesitate to communicate but also things that happy, inspired and productive employees need and want to know.

#1.       Lead with a clear reflection of the company’s Vision and Values.

It’s easy to get busy and see only what is in front of us, but great leaders help their team and team members also stay focused on the big picture… the vision and values of the organization. The great part of this is that reminds everyone why they are working on a project and how the purpose of that project supports the teams, companies and customers success. Having a discussion at the beginning of a project that outlines how the task and results will support the companies vision and values helps everyone make decisions (either independently or as a team) because they have a shared understanding of the goals and can see how that project is like one important piece of a puzzle and how it must fit. This creates harmony by streamlining goals and aligning decision making, increases commitment and accountability by everyone and saves money by delivering solutions quickly and with little waste.

#2.       Be clear with your expectations.

Being clear about your expectations is important from your big picture expectations and down to each request.

For example:

Early in my career I learned the hard way that my job description was not a guide on how to be a top performer and get Exceeds Expectations; it was the minimum of what was expected of me. How wonderful it would have been if someone shared that insight with me.

When I say be clear about each request, I don’t mean micro-manage. What I do mean is answer the basics of Who, What, Where, When and How… especially when someone is new and doesn’t know your / your teams style. Far too often a leader will ask for something and everyone immediately drops what they are doing, meanwhile the request isn’t urgent. Also, far too often the leader asks for information but doesn’t share how it will be used so their team spends far too much time ‘packaging’ it into a brief, or far too little time and present only the basics.

Above all, always keep your team motivated by shining a light on the progress they’ve made. Remind them they have grown, and you are there as a coach as well as boss and you want to help them succeed. 

#3.       Encourage employees to ask for clarity or help 

The last thing anyone wants is someone who won’t ask for help or clarity and instead:

• Wastes time overproducing

• Does a really bad job that can’t be used

• Buries the request and does nothing at all

Too often the reason for not asking for help is because they feel they will look weak or incompetent if they ask. Truth is, in today’s workspace things are complicated so if an employees is doing something new (and we all should be in order to stay current and grow), we have to  make sure we are clear about expectations. It is a leaders biggest frustration when they get work back they cant use and/or have to fix themselves and also one of the biggest frustrations and let-downs for employees who are scared to ask their boss or work diligently on something only to see it not meet expectations and not be used. 

Great leaders let their team know that asking for help is a sign of respect for everyone and confidence in themselves. It can also be a sign of how that employee is growing and learning new skills. 

#4        Give people autonomy to make decisions

As mentioned above, when leaders are transparent it allows team members to align their work and decisions. When they know what is expected of them another benefit is that teams and team members are able to work more independently, choosing when and where to work.  This way, leaders can focus on getting updates and on bigger picture aspects of knowing the project is on time and on budget versus every minor decision. A critical part of this will also be to remember that ‘your way’ is not always ‘the only way’.

For example, I used to have a boss who would wordsmith copy changing a word here and a word there but never impacting the value of the document; whether it was his intention or not, all he did was make it sound more like him. The downside of this is that passing everything by him slowed down every project. It also had two other very negative impacts. First, everyone on the team started getting the ‘why should I bother spend more time perfecting my copy’ attitude because they knew he was going to edit and change the document. It just seemed we wasted less time by giving him ‘good but not great’ copy. Second, we never felt ownership or proud of anything final, so we began losing our inspiration to do our best. Thirdly, our loyalty to the leader for sure and often to the project and the company dropped. While at that time I didn’t have a formal leadership position, I remember noticing that turnover was a bit hirer in our department than in others.

#5        Working 24/7 isn’t impressive

It’s not uncommon for people to think that being ‘busy’ is a sign of success and how valuable they are. At the same time when I teach Time Management people always talk about wanting more work-life balance.

It’s often a sign you are a good leader when your team occasionally pitch in during a crunch or to help with a great new opportunity for the company. But if this is happening all the time it is a sign something is wrong and your most valuable assets – your employees – are at risk of burning out. Note: burning out usually means short term disability or they quit. Either way it is a lose-lose situation for everyone.

The world at work is speeding up and especially since the COVID pandemic began people are stressed at home and often working far more than they or you ever signed up for. As a leader watch out for opportunities to tell your team how much they are appreciated. Also, as soon as you can reset everyone’s expectations, give them a break and perhaps lighten their load… and do that by bringing them in and asking them what ideas they have and what they need.

One last thought. Sometimes we try to give our team a break by letting timelines or quality slip. Lightening someone’s load for a short time or even a full break if they need it but lowering your and their standards isn’t the solution; people have to be proud that they did and will continue to deliver quality work.

Conclusion

Leadership is an iterative process that ebbs and flows. On one hand it is all about being in control and building a corporate culture focused on a vision and organizational values while on the other hand you are helping individuals bring their unique self to work, feel engaged and supported. It’s not easy.

There is, however, one deceptively simple tactic that can help: ask people. Ask them, “How can I best support you?” or “What environment would help you do your best work?”. They may not have an answer immediately, but you’ll get them thinking. You’ll show them that you’re interested in their perspective. And provided you keep asking, you’ll get the answers eventually.

Remember that people want to succeed and feel proud of where they work and how they contribute. They rarely need control. Instead they need room to flourish. A leader’s job is to build the right team so that company, team and individual priorities are aligned and that happens when leaders are transparent, flexible, trusting, trustworthy and respectful.

Thank you for checking out ‘When Leaders Are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price? Part 1’.

An other article you might like.

When Leaders Are Poor Communicators, Who Pays The Price? Part 2

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Discuss Values With Your Team

Values help teams and individuals know which solutions are best when they make decisions. This clarity also offers practical support to decision in the following days, weeks and even years down the road. The confidence, consistency and success values provide cannot be underestimated; this is why it’s important to discuss your corporate values with your team.

Because values provide information about what decisions are right (or wrong) and why, they build a foundation of integrity and trust between people, even when their responsibilities and experiences are very different. When values are understood conflict is reduced, decisions are made more quickly, and commitment to those decisions is high… and remains high. Values also help a company generate alignment and harmony with their employees and within their products / services. If all of that isn’t enough, in the mid and long term, aligning decisions with your shared corporate values will also decrease scope-creep (skōp·krēp; Verb: continuous changes or growth in a project’s scope), and back-pedalling (back·ped·al; Verb: to reverse one's previous action or opinion), along the project. In short, shared values increases productivity and decreases waste therefore creating a net win-win-win-win-win.

We all have doubts from time to time, but shared values provide clarity, confidence and consistency.

Defining Your Corporate Values

If updating or defining your corporate values it’s important to involve every employee in discussions. Give everyone an opportunity to share what values they think should guide the company, why those values are important, their view of what each value means and how they influence each other’s actions and decisions. This important work should not be done in isolation by one person or a small C-suite team.

There is a process for helping everyone share their input; it isn’t as complicated as it may sound. The importance of having everyone’s input means that once values are agreed upon and adopted, everyone will be committed to them – no exceptions. Everyone must also understand that should someone continue to choose to work outside of those values, they are also choosing to be dismissed – no exceptions.

For newly hired employees, it’s important to introduce the company values in a robust and intentional manner. During the interview process you will have already determined their values are aligned with the company values. Now, as part of their on-boarding, take the time to share how important values are within your corporate culture, how they will be expected to use them in their work and even how your values were defined (companywide review). To be fair, this discussion should also include the impact on their career aspirations should they choose to work outside of those values.

When your corporate values are clear, making decisions becomes easier.

Does Your Company Share Your Values?

How do you know if the company and/or team you work with share your personal values? This is an important question for all employees. My first recommendation is to explore how you feel.

• Do you trust your leader and your team members? 

• Is your work-life balance in balance or out of alignment?

• Are you recognized for your competence and experience?

• Do you have the opportunity to learn and grow?

• Do you feel respected?

To experience success and peace / pride in our lives I believe there should be virtually no a difference between how we act in our personal lives and our professional lives.

If employees are a good fit they will not only complement each other’s values, they will also strengthen and help each of us grow personally and professionally. This doesn’t mean we must all have similar education and experiences, or that we will begin to look and sound alike; we actually know the opposite is true and that diversity makes each of us and company more successful. That is another amazing benefit of values. People with very different backgrounds, experiences and personal and professional (career), interests can still share very similar values and therefore easily share a common bond.

Conclusion:

One of the best investments a business can make is to help each employee consistently live the business values. In addition to all the benefits values offer to the team and the company, understanding the corporate values provides great benefit to each employee as we reflect what is important in what we work on as well as how we work. When our values are strong and shared, we will consistently make ethical decisions we can be proud of.

Ethics are the moral principles that govern our actions… the things we say and do as well as the decisions we make. In business, a company’s values and ethics should be aligned. If they are not, it is likely their values are written somewhere on their website but not supported… and more importantly employees are struggling which means the corporate brand and reputation is at risk.

Values are with us all the time and are tested most of all during difficult times. These are also the times when they are most important in guiding our decisions.

Thank you for reading about the importance of discussing values with your team and how values build a foundation of integrity.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

The Importance Of Building A Supportive Company Culture

A supportive company culture is a living, breathing, dynamic space. It is an environment where ideas, responsibilities, respect and mutual support ebb and flow between leaders, employees, suppliers, clients and more. It is a place where trust and loyalty are nurtured carefully. And all supportive corporate cultures are built on a foundation of purpose; a shared understanding of the company vision, mission and values. Metaphorically speaking, purpose is where you are going, and corporate culture is how you are getting there.

Everyone from the most junior employee to the most senior has a responsibility to support the company culture; it is not the sole responsibility of the leadership team, HR or the social committee. A healthy, supportive corporate culture is a symbiotic relationship that involves everyone. It grows out of the big and small decisions we make, how we act, what we say, how we say it, how we treat each other and what part we play in our community. We are all ambassadors of our corporate culture as well as our own personal and professional reputation (brand).

The following are opportunities where each of us can contribute to a supportive company culture. And, while all of these are great opportunities, we must recognize it would be impossible to ever develop a complete list. So, I encourage you to consider these suggestions but to also consider what other ways you and/or your company could use to create a supportive company culture.

Company Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

Companies with supportive company cultures know most employees want to be proud of where they work and want to help the company be the best it can be. Yes, there will always be an employee who doesn’t care and only wants a paycheck, but truthfully, there are far fewer people like this than we may think. Most people who have checked-out simply don’t feel valued, respected and supported (3 from a list of most common reasons), but put them in a space where the corporate culture is rich and they will thrive.

To help proud employees do their best work, the following are examples how great leaders add to a supportive company culture:

1. ·      Offer employees fair wages with respectful benefits

2. ·      Strive to be sure employees feel:

   • Valued

   • Appreciated

   • Trusted

   • Involved

   • Empowered

3. ·      Encourage employees to ask questions

4. ·      Employees believe they contribute / their work is important

5. ·      Employees feel a level of control / Autonomy

6. ·      Provide employees opportunities to better themselves

7. ·      Empower employees to work when they are at their best

8. ·      Employees are:

   • Mentored

   • Challenged

   • Promoted

   • Encouraged to enjoy interests outside of work

9. ·       Be a good corporate citizen

Leadership Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

While it is everyone’s responsibility to build and support the company culture, leaders really do play an important role in what happens throughout the company and/or within their team. Even a leader within a company with a questionable company culture can create a happy, creative, productive and loyal corporate micro-culture when their team feels their respect and trust.

So, what can a leader do within their company and/or team to develop a supportive corporate culture?

1. Include everyone on your team to define team values and/or to discuss what the current team or organization values impact them and how they approach their work. Note: Even though your company may have defined values, I don’t think there is anything wrong with sitting with your team to not only review them… but to add one or two that your team may want to also adopt.

2. Explore openly with your team how every decision and/or action supports (or does not support) the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision.

3. Be approachable

4. Practice empathy

5. Be crystal clear with your expectations

6. Agree that no question is a bad question. Better people ask for clarification than do something unexpected eh?

7. Demonstrate trust by giving employees the opportunity to figure things out for themselves. This often develops a greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence in the employees (or teams) and makes their work important to them. 

8. Demonstrate you value suggestions from employees and suppliers as much as you do from other leaders.

9. Provide employees and teams the autonomy and decision-making ability they need to be accountable. Leaders need to support their team while also helping them be responsible and accountable for their work. Accountability develops greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence. It will help them grow and be better at their work in the future. Remember, leaders do not make every decision; they trust employees who are experts and/or closer to the work.

10. Reward when people and/or teams are accountable. 

11. Encourage and praise employees who collaborate well with others. This doesn’t mean only reward extraverts; introverts are often some of the best collaborators.  

12. Take onboarding new employees seriously, help them learn the language, the culture and the organization. Consider matching new employees with internal mentors.

13. Help your company and team be a good corporate citizen.

14. Respect our environment.

Employee Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

During my career I have had some great bosses – I’ve also had one really bad boss. This bad boss created a terrible team culture even though the overall corporate culture was quite good. Thankfully, there were a few of us on the team who banded together to support each other and to find ways to do our best work within the toxic storm our leader created.

Ways in which employees can add to a supportive company (or team) culture include:

1. Know what the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision are. Try to use those as goal posts for the decisions you make.

2. Demonstrate you recognize everyone has a voice and their ideas are valued.

3. Always enjoy a good laugh, but never at someone else’s expense. Mutual respect is critical.

4. When you are wrong or makes an error, admit it and move on. Being accountable shows respect for yourself and your colleagues. A culture of accountability also develops trust.

5. When someone else is wrong or makes an error, move on. Ask them if they would like your support to find ways to minimize / correct the damage. 

6. When someone else has a better idea, give them credit and help them / the team develop it further. Be an example of integrity, honour and respect of other people and ideas.

7. Be respectful with your language.

8. Help your company and team be a good corporate citizen.

9. Respect our environment.

Toxic workplaces cause psychological and physical stress. This engages peoples natural instinct to protect themselves, to not share creative ideas, decreases motivation, increases absenteeism and eventually turnover.

Organizations are aways in competition to hire and retain amazing people. The best way to protect themselves from losing valuable employees is to make sure you have a supportive company culture that makes your employees… and your competitions employees… want to work for you.

Conclusion

You now have many examples how to create a supportive company culture that is an environment for growth, hard work and change while still maintaining a low stress environment. This creates one of the best places to work where productivity and loyalty are high while conflict and turnover are low. When we have a great company culture, employees trust each other and can be their true authentic self. When we trust and respect each other we share good ideas, crazy ideas, we look out for each other and everyone wins. 

BONUS:

Two deeper dives into how companies and leaders can build great a great corporate culture.

1.     Build a solid employment brand. It starts with understanding what makes your organization unique. Once you have it, promote it; find every opportunity to talk about the company brand. Write articles, post employee survey results, sit on panel discussions, talk with reporters in addition to the more common approach of building a great career website and distributing job openings in both typical and non-standard places. Make sure that everyone knows yours is a great place to work.

If you’re a good employer, employees will want to work for you. Existing employee loyalty will go up and when you do need to hire new people you will be attracting talent that want to work for your company versus have to find a job.

Now is the time to be further developing your corporate culture because you can bet your competition is.

2.     Consider sabbaticals or approved / arranged boomerangs. We all know what a sabbatical is. In office terms a boomerang is when an employee leaves a company and then later returns to work for the company.

Imagine offering an agreed upon leave of absence like sabbaticals and boomerangs to employees who meet or exceed expectations to achieve a personal goal or gain new skills. 

Neither sabbaticals or boomerangs need to be for a year. Why not let them be can be as flexible as required. And, perhaps you can arrange employees spend some time in the office so you don’t lose all productivity. For example, imagine having a strong employee who requests a 3-month sabbatical to take a few courses or earn a professional certificate to help them further their career. Depending on their schedule they may even be able to work 2-days a week. Or imagine letting an employee take a 2-month boomerang to take their dream vacation.

Offering flexible options will provide a clear example of how you trust and value employees while giving them some autonomy. Employees who negotiate sabbaticals and boomerangs are going to be even more valuable when they return because they will always have a fresh perspective and likely be more hard-working than ever. If nothing more, they will be more loyal. And let’s be clear, in most cases you will save thousands of dollars versus the high cost of recruiting new talent in highly competitive business environments and opportunity lost when valued employees see no other way to get ahead than to quit… or worse, to not take a dream course or vacation, feel resentful about it and stay.

Whenever you can, create a workplace where employees feel comfortable being themselves and is built on mutual respect and mutual benefit.

Thank you for your interest in building a supportive company culture.

An other article you might like.

Why Trust Matters and How To Build Trust At Work

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Introducing Dr. Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats

I recall that when I first learned about Six Thinking Hats by Dr. Edward de Bono it was from someone who said it was a tool to analyze how each of us instinctively ‘think’ and therefore determine how potential hires may ‘fit’ within a team. It instantly seemed odd to me to think any person can be identified as ‘one thing’ … and it still does. Take me for example, different parts of my personality and experience are present at different times. Sometimes I am quiet and reserved and sometimes I take charge… and there is a whole spectrum in the middle.

Long story short, the person who introduced Six Thinking Hats to me was missing the power of this model. There are however Psychometric tests that do a very good job measuring an individual’s logical, verbal, mechanical, abstract and situational judgement reasoning. But for now, as a communication and leadership trainer and coach, let me share what I’ve learned after much research and my understanding about how the Six Thinking Hats can be used.

I see Six Thinking Hats as a great leadership, team, planning and problem-solving tool. It gives us a guideline on how to expand our thinking and encourages us to explore non-traditional possibilities and opportunities that may impact a project or decision. It also helps us analyze risk. And, as I suggested above, if we use it to only define ‘how Bruce thinks’ or ‘Bruce’s instinctive style’  then we are not doing our project, our company and certainly not Bruce and his future any favours.

What Are The Six Thinking Hats?

Before we go any further, let me share with you my explanation of what each colour within the Six Thinking Hats means from the perspective of a leader:

1. White Hat: "Facts & Information"

   • The white hat represents research, learning and information gathering. It’s about knowing what you know and knowing what you don’t know. It is also about giving yourself permission to learn more - gather more facts and information.

2. Red Hat: "Emotions & Intuition"

   • The red hat represents emotions and feelings. It’s about tapping into intuition, empathy and hunches while feeling safe to share who you are, your likes and dislikes. It is about embracing Soft Skills and what makes each of us unique.

3. Black Hat: "Judgement & Skepticism"

   • The black hat is the judgement. Judging, being cautious and assessing risk is important but too often the black hat is overused. Part of the creative process is learning from our mistakes… not hiding them or being fearful of making one as we grow. Make sure your environment doesn’t condemn mistakes and allow caution to paralyze progress.

4. Yellow Hat: "Optimism & Benefits"

   • The yellow hat represents optimism, the glass is half full not half empty. We embrace values, see opportunity, explore benefits and encourage positivity. 

5. Green Hat: "Creativity & New Ideas"

   • The green hat represents creative thinking. Green represents exploring new ideas and possibilities; it is about being free to be our unique selves, to share our thoughts and to try new things.

6. Blue Hat: "Control & Organization"

   • The blue hat represents control but certainly not stagnation. Everything happens on purpose. It is about strategy and a shared vision. It is about goals, objectives, planning, agendas and defined / measurable conclusions. 

I really like how the Six Thinking Hats encourages us to think more broadly. For example, it’s easy (and very common) to explore all the risks and threats of an idea and forget to explore all of the creative possibilities and opportunities that may not be immediately obvious. When we look at only the negatives and risk of a decision, we can’t truly move forward, learn, adapt and grow.

The Six Thinking Hats reminds us to look at a situation (every situation) from six different perspectives.

For The Team

• The model helps eliminate bias and group think. No matter what someone’s  personal style or even hierarchy, using the Six Thinking Hats (Red, Yellow, Black etc) helps the team stay focused on important issues and encourages shared understanding. This leads to the team being able to collaborate more effectively and reach consensus with little to no conflict. It also often means decisions are made more quickly and with less waste because it improves transparency, collaboration, team trust and accountability in a very productive way.

• A team can use the Six Thinking Hats in many ways. For example, a committee of 12 people could divide into six teams with two people per team. Each team could explore a shared topic, need or opportunity from the perspective on one of the hat colours. Then, after 1-hour each team would present their ‘research’ and ‘brainstorming’ to their peers. This would be a quick way to conduct a very thorough review which should also lead to shared understanding, shared decision making and perhaps best of all… shared commitment.

For The Individual

• The Six Thinking Hats helps each of us grow by encouraging our creativity and imagination while also improving our analytical skills. But it does more of each of us. The Six Thinking Hats encourages us to make room for other people’s opinions and to remember that not only are each of our jobs and responsibilities different, we are not all built the same. From this we are able to build trust with other people and within our teams, helping each of us to communicate more confidently and effectively and develop more reliable interpersonal skills.

It’s far too easy for us to get overwhelmed exploring risks (the black hat), and to not give creative ideas the benefit of the other six hats. The Six Thinking Hats reminds us to do more and be more. It is a leadership, team and problem-solving tool that gives us permission to be cautious and also permission to dream and to use non-traditional thinking or ‘thinking outside the box’ which may be a more familiar term.

Whether we are using the model as an individual to evaluate options or if we are in a team, the Six Thinking Hats theory empowers us to generate traditional and non-traditional ideas and to use non-biased evaluation to select the best possible decision. And of course, giving a nod to the blue hat, the model provides concrete reasoning that we can use now and in the future to justify our decision.

Example of how Dr. Bono’s theories help us generate non-traditional ideas:

Problem: A company is dumping pollution into a lake. It is seriously harming the ecosystem and a solution has to be found. There are many traditional methods that come to mind:

• Tax the company for each ton of sewage they dump.

• Draft laws that force them clean their waste before it goes into the lake.

• Draft laws that make them collect and recycle their waste in advance.

These solutions can work, but they are complicated, take time, require constant monitoring and can fail.

Solution (non-traditional): Using critical thinking and the Six Thinking Hats to generate new ideas, a team identifies a simple and non-traditional solution. Make the company position their water intake valve immediately downstream from their sewage output valve (usually output valves are positioned downstream). This way, the company is the first to be impacted by any pollution they dump. They will be eager to monitor pollution levels themselves and will likely be very motivated to find eco-friendly alternatives to their processes.

Conclusion

The Six Thinking Hats is a framework that helps us explore all sides of a situation; to dream, be creative, listen carefully, evaluate, feel, learn and above all, to grow, become better and achieve more as a team and as an individual. It helps us explore what can be… versus what is. The model also helps us change our perception and therefore overcome ‘errors of potential’ as Dr. Bono might say.

When you are faced with solving a problem, try using the Six Thinking Hats model to frame your approach and help you generate new ideas. I am confident it will help you explore your problem from multiple perspectives, improve creativity, help develop teamwork within a team (if you have one) and firm up your (and other peoples) commitment.

NOTE: The Six Thinking Hats approach was created by Dr. Edward de Bono a Maltese physician, psychologist and philosopher who is a global authority on creative and conceptual thinking wrote a book called ‘The Six Thinking Hats’ that encourages all of us to think differently and ‘The Mechanism of The Mind’ and many other books.

Thank you for reading this article, please be well. Happy communicating and happy leading.

Bruce

An other article you might like.

Read How to Prepare for a Job Interview Level 1

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Build A Supportive Company Culture

A supportive company culture is a living a breathing, dynamic space. It is an environment where support for people and their ideas ebb and flow between leaders, employees, suppliers, clients, their communities and more.

A healthy, supportive corporate culture is a symbiotic relationship centred around the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision. Everyone from the most junior employee to the most senior has a responsibility to support the company culture, it is not a responsibility for only the leadership team or the responsibility of HR or the social committee.

Venice Italy

The following are opportunities for companies, leaders and employees to build together and add to a supportive company culture. These are all great opportunities but it would be near impossible to develop a complete list. It is likely there are some unique opportunities for your business. For example, imagine that if you are in the entertainment business what you might be able to do around a special performance or with a costumed event. If you are in the technology business what might you be able to do with a custom app or remote team solutions. Bring your teams together to brainstorm ideas.

I encourage you to consider what you can do to integrate or strengthen the opportunities within this article. I also encourage you to celebrate and share with your friends, family and like minded professionals what you and/or your company does that is not included within these lists.

Company Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

Supportive corporate cultures are respectful of everyone. Companies realize that employees want to be proud of where they work. Employees are also eager to help the company be the best it can be… until they feel disrespected or used. To help employees do their best work and be the best individual they can be, supportive companies don’t only take, they give back to employees, helping them be their best and be proud of what they do and the company they work for.

Companies that add to a supportive company culture:

• Strive to be sure employees feel:

  • Valued

  • Appreciated

  • Trusted

  • Involved

  • Empowered

• Encourage employees to ask questions.

• Take opportunities to let employees know they contribute and that their work is important.

• Help employees feel a level of control and autonomy.

• Provide employees opportunities to better themselves.

• Empower employees to work when they are at their best.

• Provide opportunity for employees to be:

  • Mentored

  • Challenged

  • Promoted

  • Encouraged to enjoy interests outside of work

• Let employees grow at their own pace.

• Are a good corporate citizen.

• Offer employees fair wages with respectful benefits.

Leadership Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

While it is everyone’s responsibility to build and support the company culture, leaders do play an important role in what happens throughout the company and/or within their team. Great leaders don’t wait – they know that even within their own team they can make a difference and create a fantastic, trusting and respective corporate culture where employees on their team are happy, creative, productive and loyal.

So, what can a leader do within their company and/or team to develop a supportive corporate culture?

• Explore openly with their team how every decision and/or action supports (or does not support) the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision.

• Be approachable.

• Practice empathy.

• Be crystal clear with expectations.

• Celebrate great work.

• Recognize and celebrate when employees make decisions or take actions that are inline with the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision.

• Agree that no question is a bad question. Better people ask for clarification than do something unexpected eh?

• Demonstrate trust by giving employees the opportunity to figure things out for themselves. Opportunity often develops a greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence in the employees (or teams) and makes their work important to them. 

• Listen. Leaders demonstrate they value suggestions from employees and suppliers as much as they do from other leaders.

• Provide employees and teams the autonomy and decision-making ability they need to be accountable. Great leaders help employees and teams be responsible and accountable for their work. Accountability develops greater sense of responsibility, pride and confidence in the employees (or teams) work in similar ways that opportunity does. Accountability will help employees grow and be better at their work in the future. Remember, leaders do not make every decision; they trust employees who are experts and/or closer to the work.

• Reward when others are accountable. Celebrate accountability. Turn it into a positive team building and / or learning experience.

• Encourage and praise employees who collaborate well with others. This doesn’t mean only reward extraverts; introverts are often some of the best collaborators.  

• Take on-boarding new employees seriously, help them learn the language, the culture and the organization. Consider setting new employees up with internal mentors for a short time.

• Help the company and team be a good corporate citizen.

• Respect our environment.

Employee Examples: Adding to a supportive company culture:

During my career I have had some great bosses – I’ve also had one really bad boss. He created a terrible team culture within a more or less very good corporate culture. Thankfully, there were a few of us on the team who baneded together to support eachother and to find ways to do the best work we could do within the perfect storm our leader created every day.

Ways in which employees can add to a supportive company (or team) culture include:

• Know what the company’s core values, beliefs, mission and vision are. Try to use those as goal posts for the decisions they make.

• Demonstrate they recognize everyone has a voice and their ideas are valued.

• Always enjoy a good laugh, but never at someone else’s expense. Mutual respect is critical. Toxic workplaces cause psychological and physical stress. This engages peoples natural instinct to protect themselves, to not share creative ideas, decreases motivation, increases absenteeism and eventually turnover.

• When you are wrong or make an error, admit it quickly, help find a solution and move on. Being accountable shows respect for yourself and your colleagues. A culture of accountability also develops trust.

• When someone else is wrong or makes an error, offer to help find a solution and move on. Ask if your support to find ways to minimize / correct the damage would be helpful, don’t push your way in.

• When someone else has a better idea, give them credit. If appropriate, help them / the team develop it further. Be an example of integrity, honour and respect of other people and ideas.

• Be respectful with your language.

• Help the company and team be a good corporate citizen.

• Respect our environment. 

Conclusion

When our workspace creates a space where employees feel comfortable being themselves. When we have a great corporate culture, employees trust each other and can be their true authentic self. When we trust and respect each other we share good ideas, crazy ideas and we look out for each other. This is the best environment for growth, hard work and change while still maintaining a low stress environment. This creates one of the best places to work where productivity and loyalty are high while conflict and turnover are low.

Negative cultural issues can have long-standing effects on your workforce’s wellbeing and performance. Leaders who do not realize this are setting up the company, the employees and suppliers and of course themselves for failure.

BONUS:

Two deeper dives into how companies and leaders can build great a great corporate culture.

1.    Build a solid employment brand. It starts with understanding what makes your organization unique. Once you have it, promote it; find every opportunity to talk about the company brand. Write articles, post employee survey results, sit on panel discussions, talk with reporters in addition to the more common approach of building a great career website and distributing job openings in both typical and non-standard places. Make sure everyone knows yours is a great place to work.

If you’re a good employer, employees will want to work for you. Existing employee loyalty will go up and when you do need to hire new people you will be attracting talent that want to work for your company versus have to find a job.

Now is the time to be further developing your corporate culture because you can bet your competition is.

2.    Consider sabbaticals or approved / arranged boomerangs. We all know what a sabbatical is but a boomerang in office terms is when employee leaves a company and then returns to work for the company at some later date. Imagine offering an agreed upon leave of absence like sabbaticals and boomerangs to employees who meet or exceed expectations to achieve a personal goal or gain new skills.

Sabbaticals and boomerangs don’t have to be for a year. Why not let them be can be as flexible as required, and perhaps you can still arrange employees spend some time in the office so you don’t lose all productivity. For example, imagine giving a strong employee who meets expectations a 3-month sabbatical where they work 1 or 2-days a week and use the extra time to take a few high-intensity courses or earn a professional certificate to help them further their career. Or, imagine letting an employee take a 2-month boomerang to take their dream vacation.

Offering flexible options will provide a clear example to all employees that you trust and value them. And, when you have an employee who has returned from a sabbatical or boomerang they will have a fresh perspective and likely be more valuable and hard-working than ever. If nothing more, they will be more loyal and you will save a ton of time, money and intellectual knowledge versus the high cost of turnover and hiring new employees. Think about it, can you advertise for, interview, hire and train a new employee in 2-months… or even 6-months? Usually no. We see time and time again when a valued employee sees no other way to get ahead than to quit… or worse, they stay and feel resentful and not appreciated.

Thank you for reading this article, please be well. Happy communicating and happy leading.

Bruce

An other article you might like.

Read How to Prepare for a Job Interview Level 1

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How Leaders Can Use "The Motivation Myth" by Jeff Haden

For as far back as I can remember I’ve believed you can’t motivate anyone… but you can inspire them (or yourself) to do great things. Motivation however, comes from within. 

Jeff Haden’s book “The Motivation Myth” is a whole book dedicated to this idea, and I find it inspiring.

In “The Motivation Myth” Jeff takes us on a deep dive into how to motivate ourselves. Using those same techniques I see a direct line on how leaders can inspire others to achieve greatness.

One of the other great things Jeff does is provide solid reasons why motivation surges often evaporate regardless of our best intentions. And, since Jeff is Inc's most popular columnist, an author, speaker, ghost writer, cyclist, husband and so much more, I trust that if anyone knows about motivation, it is Jeff Haden.

How Leaders Can Use “The Motivation Myth”

Leaders can use the “The Motivation Myth” by embracing Jeff’s basic idea that motivation isn’t satisfying. What Jeff believes is satisfying is when we see the results from our effort and feel a sense of success and accomplishment. This makes total sense to me. So much of what I write about in my leadership articles and speak about when I give presentations and training events is the idea that one of the best things leaders can do to help someone is to learn how to inspire them.

As leaders we need to help others feel proud of what they are doing, learning and accomplishing… and this is easier than most of us imagine.

I believe you and I and all the people around us at work are inspired by only five core desires. This of course assumes we are paid a fair wage and our physical and emotional safety is not an issue. The five desires that inspire employee engagement are:

1. Competence: To be great at a task by gaining experience and using that experience.

2. Autonomy: To be trusted so that we have a choice on what we work on, when and how.

3. Purpose: To know our work is important… that what we are doing has meaning and won’t be wasted.

4. Impact: To know we are making a difference and whatever happens will be better because of us and our efforts.

5. Connection: To be part of a ‘Tribe’ as I’m sure author and speaker Seth Godin would say.

As a leader, this short list makes it easy to keep track of how we can inspire anyone, from our employees through to our children and pretty much anyone else we meet.

When people are inspired by what they accomplish, this success as Jeff calls it in “The Motivation Myth” will give them a rush. And because they like that rush they will want to feel that again and again. That is what drives people to do more of the thing that gives them a sense of ‘Competence’ or ‘Autonomy’ or ‘Purpose’ or whatever they crave.

Whatever button (desire) turns them on, be sure to push that button… or those buttons. This is when they will begin to feel sustained motivation!

It is important to note that different people will have a different hierarchy to this list of five desires. So, as a great leader, take time to learn which desires are the most important to each of the people around you. Is it a drive for ‘Competence’ or, do they light up when they know they have had ‘Impact’? One desire isn’t better than the other – they just are. And, as I teach in my training, be prepared for someone’s inspiration desire to change; especially if they have a life-changing event like a wedding, a birth, an illness or perhaps have purchased a new home. 

What About Self-Motivation?

Should you ask of yourself “What motivates me? ”Ug. No! Stop asking that question. Instead ask “What inspires me?” and“What makes me happy?”

As we have discussed above, a key message of “The Motivation Myth” is to stop waiting for motivation to hit. Instead, do something that makes you feel proud… feel success. Even if you take one small step, experience how wonderful it feels. Even if it is a bit scary it still feels great right? And, take notice of what you learned about the task and/or about yourself. That is all pretty exciting and that is what gives you the motivation to take another step.

Set yourself a goal and then write out all the steps you can think of that will lead you to that goal. Then, Jeff says ignore the goal. Only focus on the one step in front of you. Put yourself on a path and start experiencing each step. Live in the present, not the future. Feel pride and success as you accomplish that first step… and then move on to the next step on the path.

One last thing. I believe it’s important you expect your path to change over time. You may need to add a step or take a step away. You may need more time or less time. That is OK. Remember, you are likely experiencing new things and meeting new people and learning new skills. That is exciting - inspiring. Embrace that exciting, inspiring feeling. Take pride in your accomplishments. Everything is OK as long as you stay open – stay present and stay curious as you pay attention to your plan. The next thing you know you have accomplished your goal.

Thank you for reading about how leaders can use “The Motivation Myth” by Jeff Haden. It is a great book that explores how high achievers really set themselves up to win. If you have not read it, I recommend you do. I also think it is a great approach leaders can use to inspire their team. I will enjoy your comments / suggestions of this article.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Are Generational Differences Important To Study And Discuss?

Generational differences are real – just like cultural differences are real. In this article we’ll discuss generational differences in the workplace and why discussions about generational differences and generational diversity are important for team success.

What are generational differences? When looking to define generational differences we typically mean differences in experiences, values, beliefs and needs. The answer to the question, “are generational differences important?” depends on how we use the information. If we use it to determine how I will act as an individual or what kind of reward will inspire me, then making assumptions based on what year I was born will likely not do either of us much good. But if we use the information to estimate how a group of consumers in one generation and from one geographic area will respond, we will likely get close to making a good (but not perfect) decision.

This begs the question, “How does labelling employees by generation help or harm employee, team success?”

Overview

Today’s workspaces currently have employees from four generations all holding junior through to senior positions. And of course, each generation brings very different and valuable perspectives, experiences and insights. In addition, on one side of the age spectrum is a large group of young employees who likely are highly educated and are used to a fast-changing world. On the other side of the age spectrum is a large group of older employees with unparalleled experience, institutional knowledge and typically less formal education.

To be clear, I’m not saying Gen Z and Millennial employees don’t have experience, they do; and I’m not saying Gen X and Boomer employees don’t have education because they do. What I’m saying is there are people from four very different generations who all have something unique and very worthwhile to say (and if we know what is good for us and our companies) to be listened to.

Globalization also means we have valued employees (and customers) from many different countries with values, needs and traditions that further add to the complexity and amazing insight of our workspaces. And while I could talk more about cultural differences, for the purpose of this article I’m going to stay with discussions about the importance of generational differences and generational diversity (for the most part).

The diversity and inclusive energy in todays high-functioning workspaces is quite amazing. One of the great trends of the last 10ish years that is adding to this positive energy is that many in the business world are finally seriously focusing on important topics like team development, trust and accountability. Along with the strong focus on diversity and inclusion there is also a heightened refocus on important issues like creativity, equality and accessibility. When we talk about diversity and inclusion in the workplace, we often think of things like race, culture, gender and sexuality. But age is another important aspect within the diversity and inclusion discussion.

For reference, the following are general categories in Canada and the USA. Please note, generational birth ranges do vary from country to country and east to west:

• Baby Boomers (born 1946 to 1964)

• Generation X (born 1965 to 1980)

• Millennials / Generation Y (born 1980 to 1995)

• Generation Z (born 1996 to 2010)

Generational Differences Training: Argument For 

The simple reality is that there are differences in populations from different generations. For example, some high-level generational differences are as follows:

• Boomers grew up in the economic boom following the depression. They had very little in the way of money or possessions and physical labour was the bulk of available work. Hard work and loyalty was part of their basic upbringing. From a career perspective it was generally expected that employees would be loyal to companies and companies would be loyal to their employees. As young adults many Boomers became uncomfortable with the economic structures and began rebelling, wanting a better quality of life.

• Generation X often grew up with their mothers returning to work and wanting to have their own career, therefore many grew up in two-income families. Generation X kids were also the first generation to grow up with computers. They were children who watched the Vietnam war unravel on live TV (and in colour). They also experienced corporate America consolidate and lay off their loyal parents and move manufacturing to developing countries. For many of these reasons Generation X lead the charge of wanting greater work-life-balance.

• Millennials grew up with most families able to provide for them better that any previous family structure. They had exposure to computers at a young age, video games and diversity like no generation before them. Their parents were known as ‘Helicopter Parents’ giving their children lots of pre-planned activities, positive reinforcement and often less independent freedom. Traditionally Millennials want feedback frequently because that is what their Boomer parents gave them.

• Generation Z are often seen as being financially conservative but socially liberal. Why? Because they saw their Millennial brothers, sisters and cousins collect large amounts of debt through education but have fewer job opportunities than expected. Generation Z children traveled widely with their parents and grew up with computers from birth, giving them instant access to information and entertainment. At school, many cultural stereotypes were broken because their schoolmates (and friends), came from many different cultures and backgrounds. At the same time the entertainment they consumed and their family structures often broke many gender based stereotypes.

Now that we’ve explored a few of the generational differences, how might labelling employees by age generation help or harm employee, team and organization success? I believe the #1 greatest benefit from generational differences training is how it helps us understand ‘Why’ certain generations behave the way they do. With an understanding of ‘Why’ we humans are naturally more patient and empathic. Instead of treating everyone the same, great leaders and great companies use discussions about generational differences as opportunities to recognize employees are different and that they can embrace these differences to help their employees, their company and of course their customers to be successful.

This is a big step for companies. Don’t undervalue its importance and how difficult traditional management style is to overcome. Consider, almost all of the 1900’s hard work (and I mean physical labour) translated to success. In this environment money was the primary motivator because with money you could buy what you needed to survive.

Today we know money isn’t the best motivator. As long as we are being paid fairly based on our industry and work, people don’t want to only survive… we want to thrive. This means most employees want to embrace their own definition of work-life-balance. In the last 40+ years a whole new business psychology industry has slowly been emerging that studies and measures the impact of what really motivates and inspires employees. Through that research we finally began seeing the undisputable reality that intrinsic motivation… like pride, purpose and impact is far more effective and longer lasting than extrinsic motivation… like money.

Generational Differences Training: Argument Against 

The worst thing we can do is use stereotypes to determine how individuals will act or what individuals need. If we use stereotypes we will undoubtably make mistakes that will stop a company from hiring a great employee or by not rewarding a valued employee as they need to be rewarded and therefore, they quit.

Without doubt employees should be assessed on their unique ability to do a task and rewarded based on their individual abilities, needs and goals. Except at some high-level marketing level, I can’t think of many helpful situations where the generational label would be effective in predicting behviour.

Conclusion

All we have to do is look within our own families, our brothers and sisters who grew up with the values and often in the same households to see we as individuals we want different things and are inspired in different ways. We are both similar and different, and this is an example of why discussions about generational differences and generational diversity are important.

Beyond allowing me and others to generally understand the ‘Why’ of a generation or culture I have to admit, I’ve found that one of the most important benefits generational differences training delivers is in how it helps the teams I’ve worked with discuss – and often be amazed by how diverse people are. Through these discussions participants experience in real-time the insight (often for the first time), that what inspires one person will likely not inspire another person even if they are from the same generation and doing the same work in the same company. I bet some of your coworkers want to buy a house and raise a family while others want to rent a condo on the 30th floor and travel… and I bet some want to own an energy efficient electric car while others dream of a F150 pickup truck. For many of employees, the choices relating to how they live their lives are endless.

We are all individuals with unique training, skill, motivation and ambitions and it is best that instead of making assumptions, we stay curious as to what others value, believe and need. In the end, what is important is that you strive for greater generational diversity and treat everyone with curiosity and respect.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy your comments / suggestions.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Attention On Results: Teamwork In The Workplace

To have great teamwork in the workplace where attention is on results, everyone has to trust their leader and each other. With trust, team members feel safe challenging each other (including the ‘leader’), and even disagreeing and challenging each other as they respectfully share each other’s expertise. Working together, individuals will commit to clearly defined goals and measurements of success. In addition, the trust and commitment team members built will allow them to hold each other accountable.

Trust is a wonderful and imperative foundation. Read more about how to build trust at work.

I have to confess, the first time I considered the need to elaborate on the idea of ‘Attention on Results’; this final tier of Patrick Lencioni’s Five Dysfunctions of a Team, I thought it oddly unnecessary. I thought that if a team was able to accomplish the previous four tiers, why would they have inattention to results. But after further investigation and a look into my past years in corporate banking, I saw it does deserve a dedicated discussion… so here is my take on it.

How Attention On Results Works:

When the whole team is focused on achieving the same goal, team members will feel an energy as they work together and support each other and the project. With this harmony, it’s unlikely to hear statements like “That was Richards job – not mine”, “It’s not my fault” or “Richard isn’t pulling his weight”. Instead, in high-functioning teams, team members support each other and it’s more likely to hear, “How can I help?” or “How can we combine effort to make it more effective?” or “I may have an answer to your problem / set-back”.

Without a shared commitment to the final goal a few things often happen. One of the most frequent is that people like Richard will care more for what makes him look good and put his individual goals and ambitions ahead of the shared goals and the needs of the many. Richard may even focus on an unrelated goal he can take individual credit for, while making hollow gestures of support for the shared strategic goal and attacking / blaming others for the lack of progress. In this case, Richard’s inattention to results pulls the whole team down and puts success at risk.

Alternatively, successful teamwork in the workplace means teammates are committed to the shared strategic goal and watch out for each other. For example, when ‘Bob’ falls behind his sales goals, all salespeople will do their best to exceed their goals to meet the company-wide goal. Or, if the Widget A design team is experiencing a set-back, they trust they can reach out to the Widget B and C teams to collaborate to find a solution. Successful teamwork in the workplace happens when individuals don’t treat themselves as islands, they stay focussed on the big picture. As the Three Musketeers said, “All for one and one for all.”

Individual Work Still Matters:

Attention on results doesn’t mean that individual success doesn’t matter. Shared goals do need everyone to work at their best and achieve their own personal and professional goals.

Interestingly, for those who worry their individual work still matters and that it may not be recognized, in reality individual commitment and excellence may get all team members even more attention and recognition. Consider that working within a high-functioning team on a highly successful project, it’s nearly guaranteed each teammate will:

• Get attention (and bragging rights) because they worked on a highly successful project.

• Gain valuable experience in areas they would not usually get exposure to as they collaborate and discuss solutions.

• Gain a reputation for being excellent at their work.

• Develop a reputation of being a great team player.

• Because of their team experience they will have a whole network of people who respect them and, in time when that network is looking for great new talent and a referral, they will have their own personal cheerleading section.

What’s Necessary To Have Attention On Results:

I’ve shared previously in this article and others that the only way to have attention on results is for a team to hold themselves and each other accountable and trust each other enough to freely share their individual expertise and experience.

There are many other things a great team leader can do to build this type of commitment. For example, 

1. Keep a focus on the organization values. Every decision should reflect back onto the organization values and by doing that, the values will provide a clear guide on what decisions need to be made.

2. Once a shared goal is defined and committed to, I recommend creating a team contract; a 1-page overview of the goal, each teams’ or individuals’ responsibilities and how success will be measured. I also recommend this contract include a companywide and project vision statement and mission statement.

3. Expectations have to be shared, clear, understood and achievable. In addition, it has to be clear how each team member’s results roll up into the team or departments results and how the departments results roll up into the company’s results. Our commitment to results always matters because our work and results must support the level above us.

4. Leaders and team members should reward only behaviors and actions that contribute to shared results

5. Commit to frequent meetings everyone agrees (in advance) to attend. Schedule these meetings weeks and/or months (as necessary), ahead to ensure availability. Keep these meetings as short (under 1-hour if possible) and during these meeting have everyone share their commitments and the status of their delivery on their goals. I recommend a status code of each project as Green, Yellow and Red to help make the status easily identifiable. I’ll repeat, these meetings have to be a place of trust and respect where people can bring challenges and not be ridiculed.

6. Each member knows they are going to be held accountable for their commitment and to support the team through the journey through crisis and unavoidable tasks that could not have been identified at the beginning of the project.

If you are going to have accountability, then you have to also keep your focus on results.

Inattention to Results Conclusion:

A team that is focused on team results will retain good staff, make sacrifices for the good of the team and they will enjoy credit for their team – and then for themselves through the teams success.

Great leaders help every team member feel safe and free to respectfully challenge each other (including the ‘leader’), disagree and perhaps even argue as they share each other’s expertise. Only then, when everyone is working together and holding each other accountable will the project - and each individual thrive.

And that is how you can have attention on results and teamwork in the workplace.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy your comments / suggestions.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

How To Build Employee Commitment

Employee commitment is one of the most important qualities leaders can cultivate with their team; it is a powerful asset - a multiplier of productivity, creativity and loyalty. The beauty is that people like you and me like to commit; committing makes us feel part of something important. But we will not commit if we feel we are being neglected, taken advantage of, abused, excluded, under-appreciated or lied to (I’m sure you can think of others to add to this list).

What Do I Mean By Commitment?

Commitment is built when people add their voice to a conversation or brainstorming meeting and their voice is respected and considered. Even if their idea didn’t make it into the final decision, because their voice was respected and valued during the process, they begin to fully invest in the decision the team made. This is an example of a strong corporate culture and how trust and healthy conflict lead to building employee commitment at work.

Studies prove there is a direct and measurable link between commitment and employee performance factors like transparency, creativity, productivity, work quality and turnover. For example, when employee commitment is high, turnover is almost always low while transparency, creativity, productivity and quality of work are high. When employee commitment is low, turnover is almost always high while most other measurement criteria are low.

Not surprising, without commitment the success of every project is in jeopardy. Because commitment is critical to success, it is important leaders cultivate commitment and know how to inspire the employees they support. Traditionally, companies focused on job security and money as primary motivators. While that approach may have been great in the 1950’s, it is not a great option with today’s four-generations of highly educated, multicultural employees working within a fast-paced global economy.

Diving Deeper Into How To Build Commitment

Let’s not even bother discussing the myth of job security in today’s economy. And, even though getting paid a fair wage is important, money is no longer a good motivator. Money and the hope of a raise 12 months from now have a poor track record at inspiring most people to do more than what is required to get a ‘meets expectations’ at their next annual review. Even bonuses quickly become expected and turn into what is called a ‘hygiene motivator’ (without it you would not be able to attract new employees and current employees would stop showing up). If you don’t agree, try eliminating bonuses and just watch your employee turnover increase exponentially while performance and employee morale drop like a stone. But all hope of building commitment is not lost, there are far more effective (and virtually free) motivators known as intrinsic motivators.

I introduce the top 10 motivators in my Leadership Training courses, but for the purpose of this article let me share the following top five intrinsic motivators that brilliantly build commitment and workplace excellence:

1. Being respected and valued at work

2. Doing interesting and challenging work

3. Professional development / opportunities

4. Achieving something / doing something important

5. Being given greater responsibility

Take a moment to let it sink in that ‘being respected and valued at work’ is frequently rated the #1 motivator to help build employee commitment. This is no surprise because everyone, no matter what work they do or how long they’ve been working want to be respected and valued. You know this is true because I am certain this is one of your key motivators.

Being respected and valued also ties into a basic human need to be ‘seen’ and ‘included’, to have our voices heard. It is our inborn and intrinsic desire to matter; we all want to make a difference. When you think of it, being respected and valued fits perfectly into any organizations plan to improve diversity and inclusion (D&I). Because intrinsic motivators are so important, let’s look at how both leaders and employees can use them to drive personal and professional success:

• As a leader I believe one of our most important jobs is to learn - to be curious about which intrinsic motivators inspire each member of our team. Remember, people are individuals and everyone will be motivated by different things at different intensities. One person may be motivated by doing interesting and challenging work while another is motivated by professional development / opportunities.

• As an employee I believe one of our most important jobs is to determine which motivators are most important to us and to then share that information with our leader; help our leader (and frankly other members of our team), inspire us. For example, perhaps you want greater responsibility and professional development opportunities because you want your career to grow. If this is you then make sure your leader knows and doesn’t have to guess at what your future ambitions are and how to help you / motivate you because they may think you are content with your position and therefore doing interesting and challenging work will keep you inspired and committed to excellence.

Live The Company Values:

As important as motivation is to cultivate commitment, leaders must also demonstrate integrity. One of the easiest ways I've found to do that is to live the company values. Two of the most important values I’ve discussed in previous articles that demonstrate how a leader can build commitment are:

• To trust and be trustworthy (to be dependable)

• Show respect (by giving everyone the opportunity to share ideas)

I believe these values (which are part of almost every organizations core value set), have a symbiotic relationship; you either have both or you have neither. For example, if an employee doesn’t trust their leader they will never freely share their ideas.

When it comes to gaining employee commitment to a plan, the best way to do this is to have each person add their unique expertise, education and lived experience to the solution. Employees have to trust each other and their leader to be honest, transparent, and respectful. It means not ever feeling attacked or made fun of when we share our ideas or experience. It also means that if my boss needs to share constructive feedback with me, I am confident I will be respected and can trust their feedback comes from a place of making me, the team, the project and the company better. Note: That feedback should also be timely - delivered as soon as possible within a private conversation.

For me, one other element is needed to cultivate commitment within a team. I have always found it important to create a workspace culture that helps employees learn about each other and from each other. I believe this familiarity reinforces the idea that we all have something to say and something to learn. Many professionals recommend activities that help employees discover what they have in common. I like those - but I also like activities that help employees learn what is different / unique about each other. I believe this helps them understand each other’s unique contribution potential.

When a team knows they can trust their leader and each-other, that is when they will do their best work… and feel proud an energized at the same time.

Conclusion:

Building commitment at work isn’t always easy but it’s a priority of every successful leader that I know. A conscious decision to build employee commitment really does make a difference. I’ve seen mediocre teams transform into high-performing teams in months when they got a new leader… and I’ve seen high-performing teams unravel in weeks when they got a poor leader.

One last observation about commitment (I did not want to scare you above). Commitment has many layers (holding back a reference to the children’s movie Shrek). I believe there are four key places where individuals channel our commitment.

1. Commitment to ourselves and our work (and our family / friends)

2. Commitment to our leader 

3. Commitment to our team (or project teams)

4. Commitment to our company

For the purpose of this article, perhaps you don’t need to focus on these - what I’ve shared above might be the most important for now. But, do keep these four areas in the back of your mind. They may help explain behaviour as you see it unfold.

TRUST Bonus:

To build trust everyone has to understand what behaviour is appropriate and what is not appropriate…. and to be held accountable. For example, Alan Mulally (one of the most successful and celebrated leaders and former CEO of Boeing and Ford) has 11 Working Together Principles and Practices. Four of those are:

1. Everyone included

2. Clear performance goals

3. One plan

4. Respect, listen, help and appreciate each other

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about employee commitment at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Could Fear Of Conflict Be Holding Back Your Team?

You can have conflict only when you have trust.

When I say, “you can have conflict only when you have trust”, I’m not meaning negative, vindictive, inappropriate, call the lawyers conflict. I mean sharing opposing views, challenging each other’s assumptions, opening your mind and encouraging yourself… and each other to grow conflict. 

An essential ingredient of a proud and inclusive workspace is when employees, partners and suppliers don't fear conflict. They know they’re able to freely share each other’s experiences, knowledge and points of view and not worry about being attacked, mocked, ridiculed or worse. It’s exciting and empowering to be part of a team that’s committed to finding the best solution by sharing different ideas and being able to challenge each other’s assumptions, judgements and even beliefs from a place of respect and curiosity. That said, maybe the word ‘conflict’ isn’t the best word to use – it sounds negative; perhaps engagement is a better option. But because conflict is what Patrick Lencioni, founder of the Table Group and author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team calls it, we will stay with conflict for now. 

Sharing Opposing Views And Making A Decision Can Get Loud

I think it’s fair to recognize that sharing opposing views and challenging each other’s assumptions can get a little loud (some workspaces, families and cultures embrace loud debate). Personally, I’m better with calm discussion, but if loud is your way then go for it… as long as that’s what everyone expects and they feel safe and respected. I also recommend always being aware of your surroundings for a few reasons. For example:

• I urge you to stay aware of socially acceptable boundaries relating to colourful language and/or full-on inappropriate language (read your HR policies). Crossing over the socially acceptable line can cause you trouble even within a trusting relationship. We have to know what’s appropriate and what isn’t.

• People won’t share if they feel intimidated by how everyone around them communicates. For example, introverts, new hires, suppliers and meeting guests may not understand what is going on if they are not familiar with your discussion and debate style (this goes for your at-home neighbours and people in the grocery store as well). 

Whether we are speaking with someone or writing an email, I believe our primary goal should be sharing whenever we communicate. As a leader, I want to make the distinction that sharing our ideas and experience does not mean you or I have to change each other’s mind or beliefs. What is vital is that all voices are respected and we understand that challenging each other (conflict), is an important step toward collaboration and for us to honour our commitment to find a single clearly defined, measurable choice. When everyone has input, good things happen.

Conflict and Respect Within Difficult Conversations At Work

Hearing and respecting feedback, opinions, and even goals that are different than our own (like not getting a promotion we want) requires Vulnerability Trust. As I shared in a blogpost about trust at work, an example of Vulnerability Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I am sorry, “I don’t know,” or “I made a mistake,” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked.

Within healthy conflict, Vulnerability Trust strengthens our relationships as you and I experience first-hand we will not be attacked or made fool of. Using a workplace example, there is something pretty special when we can listen to our counterparts as they share honest feedback - and know (trust) it is coming from a place of support not malice or revenge. It often takes time to build trust in our team and our ability to have healthy conflict at work; it also requires we watch our triggers and our conscious and unconscious biases… especially concerning challenging news.

The one thing we really want to avoid is holding back constructive feedback because ‘we don’t want to hurt Richards feelings’. If we do hold back, what often happens is that instead of having a discussion we start making excuses, saying things like “It’s just the way Richard is”. If we hang that reputation on Richard without ever confronting him we are likely doing him a disservice that will have long-lasting negative implications on his career. Instead, choose to have a difficult conversation with Richard and respectfully share what you are experiencing / noticing. At that point Richard now has a choice to adjust or not, and what happens next is up to him.

Conclusion

Conflict is an important component within any highly functioning company or relationship. And, as I suggested above it is not meant as a fight or battle… but a commitment for two or more people to respectfully struggle as they discuss, debate, share and learn from each other.

For me, there is nothing quite like having a constructive debate. Using a personal example, in non-Covid times I always enjoyed having a few good friends over and to fall into a lively discussion on some in-the-news topic (usually over a glass or two of scotch).  I find this a meaningful reflection of many workspaces because while we are great friends, we all very different in our age, backgrounds and careers. And yes, we have very different and very similar interpretations on things. It is invigorating and I always learn something from each encounter and / or I’m reminded how wonderful it is when someone gives me space – and respect to share my ideas.

So perhaps now that we are at the end of this article, this may be a better time to ask you, “could fear of conflict be holding back your team”?

When we listen we learn, and when we don’t listen we see what we want… not usually what is true or the ideal solution. As my wonderful friend Belinda Jackson recently said to me, “[It’s] always important for a leader to listen and to ask the team if there are ideas they want to share that can make the team stronger. If you want a team, you have to be a team player. Everyone has been in different situations and it is important to share ideas and to be open to hearing them.”

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about conflict at work.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Why Trust Matters and How To Build Trust At Work

A productive team trusts each other.

Building a successful team takes self-awareness and courage; it also takes empathy, listening and trust. 

Trust is when you can depend on something or someone… at least this is the definition I work with. Yes, this is a simple definition, but even so trust is often elusive… especially trust at work.

While doing research for this article I came across the following quote from D. Bowlby that stopped me cold because it's so amazingly relevant to a leader from my past I had to endure.

“If you do not trust your own judgments, actions, and decisions, you will question the motives of others."

Imagine the damage a leader can do to the morale and cohesion of a team when, instead of trusting recommendations as points for discussion, their own ego sees any and all recommendations as threats. In one particular instance I know of, the leader even went so far as to allege unsubstantiated workplace harassment and bullying against members of their senior team. This unfortunately is a real example that lead to months of stress, expense and long-term loss of income for the organization and the many people caught in the leaders loosely cast - ego driven net. Sadly, I am sure this scenario has played out many times in corporations and associations of all sizes.

There are many ways to destroy trust. For example, laughing at an idea or observation a fellow team member has is one of the most efficient ways to destroy trust… and show disrespect. Another is to cast aside recommendations using the age-old and exhausting excuse, “We tried that in the past and it didn’t work.” In my opinion, anyone who has lived through the last 12 months... never mind the last century should know nothing can be taken for granted, there are always lessons to be learned and whatever didn’t work yesterday might very well work today or in the future.

But enough of the negative; lets look at how to build trust on a team.

Patrick Lencioni, author of Five Dysfunctions of a Team and founder of the Table Group describes trust in two ways:

1. Predictive Trust

2. Vulnerability Based Trust

The following are my professional reflections of these two types of trust.

Predictive Trust is usually built over time – from experience. My interpretation of Predictive Trust is when I can count on (or predict) what you will say or do in a certain circumstance. For example: If my partner asks, “Do you want ice-cream?” he can trust I will say, “Yes please.”

Vulnerability Based Trust is when you and I feel safe saying something like “I don’t know,” “I made a mistake,” or “I am sorry” and we know we will still be treated with respect – not embarrassed or attacked. Vulnerability Trust means you can be in a meeting and suggest a course of action or idea and you will not fear you may be laughed at or mocked. I believe Vulnerability Trust is more personal – more tender.

Based on the Difficult Conversations training I do with clients, I would say Vulnerability Trust is also where someone can say to me, “You messed up” “You are letting the team down” or “I can’t give you what you want” and I will stay open and keep listening because I trust the other person is sharing information in good faith and likely for my benefit, even if it’s difficult / disappointing for me to hear. Vulnerability Trust is where two people can discuss sensitive topics and even disagree, but stay present and keep doing their best work, moving forward to find solutions instead of assigning blame to setbacks and gaps. It’s when team members can stay in discussion / dialogue without being defensive or shutting down.

How To Develop Productive Trustworthy Teams

To develop productive teams Patrick Lencioni believes leaders must intentionally nurture vulnerability and I 100% agree. 

The following are two ways leaders can build trust within their team. Then, at the end of this article I quickly reference 11 more ways to create a safe, trusting workplace culture.

But before I go any further, I want to be perfectly clear that not all leaders have the title ‘leader’. In many big and small ways leadership responsibilities are often shared between co-workers depending on what is needed by the team and the project at that moment.

1. The quickest way to build vulnerability trust on a team is for the leader to demonstrate it. Otherwise, why would a team trust their leader if the leader never trusted or respected their team / team members? The best leaders quickly acknowledge when they need help and (equally importantly) their mistakes. Trusted leaders don't take control of every situation; they don't pretend they are all-knowing, and they don’t get ‘defensive’ when asked a question or given advice. Team members gain confidence when leaders are honest and respectful and demonstrate its ok to speak up when they have a question and/or an opinion. They start thinking things like “Since my leader is honest and up front with me, I can see it's OK for me to be honest and upfront with them,” and “There are things I can do and things I cannot do, the important thing is to ask each other for help.”

2. Another way for anyone to build vulnerability trust is to give credit to others. A trustworthy leader will not think twice before saying something like, “I know you have been working on this, and while I think you are doing well it’s a long journey and I do hope you stick with it,” or “I know bringing your concerns to me was not easy and I want to acknowledge that. I’m pleased we can be honest and open.”

Of course vulnerability trust also strengthens relationships between co-workers. The important thing to know is that this works… it really really works!

• I’ve worked with leaders who show disconnected individuals how to trust each other, turning them into highly productive and highly loyal teams who have a renewed loyalty to each other and the organization.

• I’ve seen great teams disintegrate when a great leader leaves and a weak leader replaces them. Recently leader I admire shared with me that in just over one year his previous team of 20 loyal, hard working professionals (who also found time to laugh with each other), experienced 100% turnover except for one person. Imagine! 

11 Ways To Create A Safe, Trusting Workplace Culture

Here are 11 ways leaders and teams create a safe, trusting work culture (yes, some of these mean we have to be vulnerable… but if we are not willing to be, it sends a signal that others cannot be either):

1. Eliminate disparaging talk and gossip. We have to all feel safe and that we are being open, honest, respectful and respected.

2. Be transparent and honest about goals, challenges, news. Share ‘What’ and ‘Why’.

3. Know your preferred work style and strengths and take time to understand and appreciate another's work styles and strengths. Myers Brigs and SuccessFinder are two great tools to use, learn from and share with your team.

4. Take time to learn about each other but don’t push if people want to be more private than you.

5. Share your successes and also share your failures - this gives others permission to make mistakes

6. Admit when you are wrong, make mistakes and readily apologize.

7. Acknowledge and celebrate the successes of others.

8. Listen to others and take their advice – help them be proud by giving them credit for their ideas and experience.

9. Be willing to learn from each other. Leaders especially need to demonstrate they don’t know it all and are willing to learn from their team.

10. Don’t make assumptions about people’s behaviour or actions – watch your conscious and unconscious biases especially concerning challenging news.

11. Don’t hold grudges – deal with situations, learn from them and move on – be an example.

While trust is the main topic of this blog post, you may also be interested in a blog I wrote last year called 5 Stages of Team Development.

It takes courage and bravery to build trust… especially vulnerability trust. There will be times you wish you didn’t, but as Brené Brown says, “If you choose courage, you will absolutely know disappointment, setback and even heartbreak. That’s why we call it courage.” But I promise you, trusting yourself and others gives you a unique strength.

BONUS: Trust Helps When Hearing Bad News

We can begin to manage our defence triggers (fight & flight) when we know we are respected, supported and won’t be made a fool of. When we trust we learn to stay present and listen to unpleasant feedback or be part of decisions that, while they go against our personal or professional self-interest, we can still support because we know the decisions are made with honesty and in-line with the agreed upon goals.

Conclusion

While it is possible for great teams to form without a strong leader, the most productive, most loyal teams exist when a strong leader createsa safe, trusting, transparent workspace where team members feel they belong and are treated with dignity and respect. The beauty is, when you have trust you can have conflict. I don’t mean conflict like wars and fighting… I mean discussions, (perhaps even loud passionate discussions), but still discussions that show respect and appreciation.

To end, I want to leave you with this one thought. I wish I could remember where I read it and who to credit; I’m not even sure I am quoting it right, but here it goes, “You can’t trust when you have to sacrifice respectful honesty in order to protect and feed someone ego.” Please, don’t be the person with an ego that others have to protect.

Thank you for reading. I will enjoy hearing your comments, feedback and even examples about workplace culture, predictive trust and vulnerability trust.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 1

Nobody should be bullied, and the excuse of working in a high pressure / critical workspace is no excuse at all. Sadly, bullies of all shapes and sizes are actively throwing chaos, low morale and low productivity into even the calmest of workspaces.

Thank you in advance for wanting to explore this complex topic. This is Part 1 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

A bully’s behavior is tolerated at work for many reasons. For example:

• The bully appears to be a high-performer and therefore perceived to be valuable. But, while they may be winning big accounts, in addition to being a bully they may be alienating others and/or not sharing recognition. Truth is, the situations they create likely cost the company a fortune due to low morale of other employees as well as lower productivity, creativity and attention to detail. In addition, there is likely higher than average employee turnover and an overall negative impact on suppliers and customers.

• Others around the bully may see the bully as a great way for them to ascend to a power or profit position. We see this often in politics, but it happens within the political sphere of business as well. While victims pile up, the enablers who are benefiting keep their heads down and quietly support the bully (or at least allow them to function) while hoping (with no guarantee) that their loyalty will keep them from becoming a victim.

• The bully may be well cloaked, passing themselves off as a collaborator, an enlightened non-violent friend-of-all, meanwhile they consistently grab positions of power. As masters of passive aggressiveness and fearful of not being seen as ‘the expert’, their goal is to control situations by putting themselves at the center of every positive decision and far away from any shortcoming. Truth is, once you begin recognizing their behaviour, these bullies are easily spotted since they rarely make quick decisions to novel situations. Instead, they look to form a committee to working group.

What Makes A Bully Become A Bully? 

Generally, many professionals who study workplace dynamics and bullies specifically say people are bullies for a few reasons. For example:

1. The bully craves power. Bullying is a habit that has worked for them in the past to help them get the power they desire. Often these people also feel inadequate (and insecure) and use bullying as a way to compensate and push high-value people away – again helping them look and feel good.

2. They feel success is a competition; a zero-sum-game and feel they have to always come out on top – as the winner. Because they see things through the lens of “If you win then I lose” or in other words, “If you have a good idea, I look less valuable” they feel threatened by others. This is often apparent for people who apply great value to hierarchy (in any of its many forms). They see others as competition instead of team members and attack them and/or their ideas, trying to tarnish their reputation or confidence.

3. The bully has suffered themselves, feels insecure and handles that badly. Consciously or unconsciously, they’ve learned over time that putting others down helps them feel better.

4. The bully is overwhelmed and sees power in knowledge, not leadership. Often this bully is cloaked as the collaborator, they are slow to make decisions, always looking for input from others. They become a bully-thief. When plans are put in place, they position themselves as the hero who orchestrated the solution and presents the final strategy.

Personally, for the last year I’ve been experiencing a particularly nasty combination of both bullying and passive aggressive behaviour from a (so called) leader. Fortunately, I was able to disconnect with relative ease – but the impact is still great. Even though I’ve distanced myself 100%... and if feels so good to get away, I’m also learning there is a long list of people who came before. And worse of all, there are many people who can’t get away so easily.

As I reflect on my own experience of being bullied I have to admit that even with all of my experience as a leader in a corporate world… even with all of the research I have done in relation to generational differences, communication, leadership and diversity, I did not see this one coming. In retrospect I realize I made excuses for the bully… excuses like:

1. They really didn’t mean it

2. I was misinterpreting their behaviour

3. They were on a steep learning curve

4. They were experiencing unprecedented situations (Covid-19)

5. They wanted my support as a coach so I should try harder and give them more opportunity.

Turns out, only #4 was true. They did mean it, I wasn’t misinterpreting their behaviour, they had no interest in learning or changing their approach and my support only tapped their insecurities even more – I assume because would have to admit they were not all knowing and all seeing (and no leader is).

What Happens When We Are Bullied?

Bullies are commonly found in leadership positions or some other position of authority. This often makes it difficult for victims and potential victims to get support; this is one reason people often stay silent when they feel they’ve been bullied. Unfortunately, this often empowers and emboldens the bully.

When we are bullied, victims feel increasing levels of stress, anxiety, fear, depression, high blood pressure, insecurity and often lower self-worth, especially when they stay silent. Even if victims quit their job to get away, victims usually carry their feelings of lower self-worth forward for years to come.

My personal experience is just another reminder that the best leader is the one who supports their team to share their expertise – not the one who is jealous of it or intimidated by it.

Either way – being bullied – or being a bully isn’t cool.

Conclusion:

Please continue exploring this topic in any and all ways possible. In my three articles I cover just the beginning of an important topic with many variabilities.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 2: Explores Education And Setting Up Support Systems

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 3: Explores Bullying versus Performance Management

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 2

Nobody should be bullied at work and this is Part 2 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

Thank you in advance for wanting to explore this complex topic.

As mentioned in Section I of this article, the situations bullies create cost the company a fortune due to low morale, low productivity and creativity as well as higher turnover. And, no matter what the cause, lower workplace satisfaction always has a long-term negative impact on customer satisfaction. Studies consistently show that great places to work often outperform average organizations. Glassdoor studies show on average, stocks of companies rated as ‘Best Places To Work’ earned 20.3 percent per year between 2009 and 2019, compared to 12.9 percent for the S&P 500. https://www.glassdoor.com/research/stock-returns-bptw-2020/

An Organization Must Be Proactive To Stand Against Bullying

We all hope we will be the exception and never have to deal with a bullying situation on our team. I hate to break it to you some day you will – and you will be lucky if it only happens once through your career. But careers are long and bullies are everywhere.

Education for everyone is the best first line of defence and it will support all other important initiatives you should take. As my dad would say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” and in this situation he is right at both the organization level and team level.

1. Bullying Education

Don’t wait to see bullying to begin arranging anti-bullying education. There are as many nuances to bullying as there are colours, and what feels like bullying to one person can be completely acceptable to someone else. 

Use education to make everyone aware of the signs of bullying. A thoughtful education plan makes sure everyone has a similar understanding of what bullying is.  It also outlines the support resources that are available for themselves or for others if they feel they are watching someone else getting bullied.

Education begins to empower victims to take action and learn how address an issue. It also has the potential to disrupt issues early before they become big. And while I say this, I also have to point out three things:

1. Everyone must participate in education and participate in the exploration of what it is like to be a bully and what it is like to be bullied. It assumes everyone approach this topic with curiosity.

2. To have impact on someone who is a bully (or a potential bully), if education is going to help, the individual must also be self-aware. They have to realize they are responsible for their behaviour and for how they are seen by others. This won’t always happen and will often require a more direct approach.

3. Thirdly, help a bully (or potential bully), they have to want to not be one.

Note: Consider including this education within discussions about Diversity and Inclusion (D&I) to even further empower your team and balance your workspaces. Education should also be part of all on-boarding programs.

As part of the education program I believe it’s important to discuss how and why situations that may trigger one person may not trigger another. Different people have different communication styles resulting in one person’s actions being interpreted as aggressive. In this case, education is beneficial for both parties. Education also is important to stay open and mindful of others. For example, everyone can learn how and why their actions may evoke unexpected responses in others while at other times they may be unintentionally triggered by others who have a different communication style.

Education helps each of us recognize when we are triggered and to explore why and how we respond. This awareness helps us to have productive conversations early-on about expectations and how we are feeling which often results in building greater trust between individuals and teams.

It’s worth repeating that as everyone learns about what bullying looks like, it provides an opportunity for everyone self-reflect and recognise if our own actions may be perceived as bullying by someone else, even if their intentions are innocent. Two important things here. First, self-reflection isn’t guaranteed. Just because someone participating in this training doesn’t mean he or she recognizes their actions as being bullying or takes responsibility for them. Also, even if they do recognize the impact of their actions, they have to want to not be a bully. Some people will not want to let this go… or even know how to, especially if it has become part of their core personality and they think it has served them well in the past. The thing is, while they may think being a bully has paid off for them, they have way of knowing how successful they could have been if they were not seen as a bully, but instead seen as a supportive leader and honest, trustworthy collaborator.

This approach is important because it teaches everyone that we must all work together, recognizing, celebrating and giving room for each other’s unique individuality. To be clear, this is not a ‘Get Out Of Jail Free’ card. Everyone must learn that they have a responsibility to their reputation and the health of the corporate culture.

2. Include Everyone In Defining, Updating And Reviewing Policies

I like to think of policies not as a ‘What To Do When’ reference but instead as a guideline that can adapt to meet the needs of specific situations. That said, policies should include three steps.

1. An agreement of how we should all behave and why. This should happen from a legal perspective. It’s also imperative policies consider the values of the organization. This step requires training & numerous discussions for all. This requires the organizations values are clearly defined (which in itself is an inclusive process that easily takes months).

2. Shared awareness that different people communicate in different ways, manage hierarchy and manage urgency. This includes recognition that how we communicate is both an instinctive and learned behaviour, shaped by many things including our family and cultural experiences / norms: This requires training & numerous discussions for all.

3. An agreement by all on how to approach conversations respectfully and how / where to escalate conversations in a safe and respectful way for everyone. Difficult conversation training also requires training & numerous discussions for all; the extra benefit is that this training is useful throughout our career.

Everyone should feel they are investing in the process; making sure it is understood and both safe to discuss situations in private with someone and an easy-to-follow process.

3. Set Up Allies For Victims: Different Avenues For Escalation / Discussion 

Leadership will attract behaviour that is identified as bully behaviour. Leadership will also attract behaviour that is perceived as bullying, but it is not… it’s Performance Management (more on this below). But bully behaviour is not isolated at the leadership level; it’s estimated that close to 40% of incidence happen by peers or lower-level employees… and sometimes by customers or suppliers.

Because a leader may be the bully or the perceived bully, it may be impossible or uncomfortable for an employee to directly approach their leader. It’s therefore important there are trained individuals who can be the first line of discussion and potential escalation for people feeling bullied. At times, these individuals can be employees intentionally chosen from different levels of the organization. But, support outside of the organization is also a healthy idea, especially for smaller organizations. 

These ‘Allies’ should have training that helps them recognize potential bully behaviour so they can be an impartial sounding board and emotional support. With that knowledge, these persons can begin to safely, confidentially and impartially guide the individual about the initial steps of discussion and escalation which may include coordinating with an internal or external professional who specializes in workplace investigation and mediation.

It is important that when a complaint is made, both the victim and the alleged bully deserve an impartial, confidential, objective investigation. In no way should a reprimand or behaviour coaching take place before this impartial step is completed.

The best resolutions to a confirmed bullying situation can be simple or complex. In some cases, the bully may not have noticed they are behaving badly – they may be acting exactly how they were raised – therefore demonstrating learned behaviour. On the other hand, a bully may know exactly what they are doing. Either way, they do need to recognize they are responsible for their behaviour and that their behaviour has to align with organizational values and policies. They also have to want to change.

A constructive solution will in all likelihood include sensitivity and possibly policy training for the bully. A solution will also likely require emotional support and professional coaching for all parties impacted – including those rightfully or wrongly accused. If training, arbitration and counselling doesn’t resolve a confirmed case, zero-tolerance must be the next step forward for the health and safety of all involved. 

Conclusion:

Please continue exploring this topic in any and all ways possible. In my three articles I cover just the beginning of an important topic with many variabilities.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 1: Explores What Is And Makes A Bully

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 3: Explores Bullying versus Performance Management

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work: Part 3

Nobody should be bullied, and the excuse of working in a high pressure / critical workspace is no excuse at all. Sadly, bullies of all shapes and sizes are actively throwing chaos, low morale and low productivity into even the calmest of workspaces.

This is Part 3 of my 3-part series I continue to explore how employees, leaders and organizations can approach important elements; specifically how to approach performance management. I have linked to the other two parts of this series at the end of this post.

Thank you for wanting to explore this complex topic.

Education Is Important

Education must be for everyone; nobody should be excluded. And, because bullying (or the appearance of bullying), is often found in leadership positions, I believe all leaders and potential leaders should take regular and refresher training. This can act as a prevention as well as help leader ‘stay fresh’ to this topic so they are always prepared whether a situation is raised or even if they are going to be having performance management discussions which often can be interpreted as bullying. 

Recognize the Difference Between Performance Management Versus Bullying

Staying on top of performance management is more important than ever in today’s fast-paced business world where change is constant, and workforces are more remote. 

One of the many key responsibilities of all leaders is performance management and is easily considered one of the fundamental ‘hard skills’ that exist for leaders. And while this is true, it’s important to recognize successful leaders fully engage their soft skills or emotional intelligence when delivering this often-sensitive information. Even opportunities for improvement should be delivered in a way that encourages individual’s and aligns with their personal goals as well as organizations goals. In fact, studies by world-renowned leadership researchers Zenger Folkman have positioned motivation and inspiration as the two most important leadership skills.

Four key purposes of performance management are to focus on:

1. Competitive advantage for the employee and the organization

2. Employee engagement and effectiveness

3. Employee professional development and confidence

4. Individual and team morale

Approached well performance management improves all aspects of an employee / employer relationship including building greater loyalty. Done poorly, performance management can be interpreted as bullying. Even if apparent bullying is directed to only one person, others will see and by association – experience it, and as this happens, they will also lose trust in the leader and avoid situations where they may become a target. 

Consider a situation where an individual is not meeting expectations that have been previously discussed and agreed to. In this situation, two previous performance reviews have clearly and correctly identified performance gaps. These performance reviews have also included discussions to address opportunities for improvement. Because the individual continues to not meet expectations, it’s the leader’s responsibility to increase careful monitoring of performance. This increased attention will hopefully also include discussions about what other supports the employee may need – like additional training and/or coaching. A frequent challenge is the employee in question considers the additional attention a form of bullying.

Consider another situation many of us are experiencing now related to working remotely and the communication challenges we may not realize we are having. Many of us never realized the benefits in-person meetings and how even simple body language unconsciously helped us build trusting relationships and share important information. The potential difficulties and misunderstandings related to performance management communication in our socially distant, remote work-lives has increased exponentially. It’s increasingly common for employees (and leaders) to feel additional stress in this demanding, fast-paced and ever-changing environment and in-turn, interpret the actions of each other as bullying and/or as not being fully transparent.  

No matter what the situation, managing expectations is critical by the leader as well as a level of self-awareness on how they may be interpreted. Let me repeat – leaders have to always be thinking about how they are being ‘seen’ via email, video chat and text message more than ever. And my believe that all of this responsibility should not all be hung on a leader’s shoulders. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence should also be expected from employees (and trained if necessary). That said, conversation is almost always the best first step in building a solution in either of these situations. And for this is where Allies discussed in point #3 will can be invaluable. 

The Impact of Reverse Bias

One thing to be mindful of is the potential fear of leaders – especially leaders who have previously been wrongly identified as bullies. In these cases, they and the company may actually be suffering long-term consequences. Without the proper support and coaching for them, it’s not unusual for leaders to begin forming an unhealthy reverse bias situation where they fear being unjustly labeled as bullies, and therefore don’t identify performance management situations as they should. 

We can all imagine how reverse bias has the potential to have serious negative impact from lowering the company’s ability to reach their strategic goals. If the leader feels unable to provide feedback, support and coaching to one or more employees, this could easily have negative impact the employees personal and professional growth and therefore future experience and potential. 

I think we can all agree that as our workspaces become more complex, clear performance management guidelines that are supported and adhered to throughout the organization will be important to protect everyone.

Let’s explore some signs of disrespect / bullying versus performance management. 

Disrespect / Bullying:

1. Intimidating, threatening, or humiliating someone.

2. Attacking something that can’t be changed:‘It’s a problem because you don’t have an accounting degree…’

3. Attacking the person not the behaviour or outcome: ‘The problem with you is…’

4. Being vague: ‘You need to improve your attention to detail…’

5. Exaggerating:‘You always/never/constantly…’

6. Intentional Exclusion: When someone intentionally and repeatedly excludes one or more people from a team or group.

7. Supporting gossip that may undermine a person’s character, trust and/or performance.

8. Keeping others off-balance. Perhaps changing the rules or goals halfway through a project or not sharing all of the important information (as I write this I recall a Director I had many years ago who did exactly this to the whole team).

9. Expecting behaviour and skill that has never been discussed or expected in the past.

10. Rarely (if ever) providing positive reinforcement.

11. Being passive aggressive and/or making comments targeted at destroying confidence and self-worth.

12. Gas-lighting using phrases like, ‘You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad’, or‘What an imagination – that never happened (or I never said that)’.The goal is to make their victim doubt what they have seen, experienced and/or know is true. More on Gas-lighting here

13. Alluding to gossip / side-stepping their own responsibility: ‘Everyone thinks you are not pulling your weight’

14. Losing emotional control: Disrespecting someone and/or their ideas by shouting, belittling, rolling eyes or laughing at them or a suggestion they made.

15. Physical bullying.

Performance Management:

1. Actions are objectively sound, consistent for all and documented.

2. All performance management meetings happen on-schedule to avoid the appearance of a surprise evaluation.

3. Employees receive clear Performance Standards and Key Performance Indicators, linked to the Performance Description.

4. Expectations should be in-line and in-scope with the agreed upon job responsibilities.

5. Performance should be in-line with previously dis­cussed per­son­al and career devel­op­ment.

6. Expectations and conversations are timely – both ways.

7. Are the employee’s skills being used in ways you have previously agreed?

8. Does the employ­ee need any support from their man­ag­er in short or long-term?

9. Is the employee showing non-compliance with policies/procedures?

10. Is the employee acting inappropriately, being disruptive or demonstrating bad behaviour?

11. Management offers formal performance improvement plans in line with Performance Standards and Key Performance Indicators.

12. Management provides adequate support for individuals to reach the agreed standards.

13. Management must provide formal warnings for breaching policies, noting specifically which behaviours have breached.

14. Management prepares written minutes of all performance management meetings including formal written warnings when necessary.

Bullying Not Accepted

With all of the preparation we’ve discussed, this last step must be an ongoing step. 

When bullying is confirmed it cannot be tolerated by anyone - from the most senior to the most junior… even when it seems to be working to our advantage. 

If bullying is permitted that inaction will damage employ morale and trust throughout the organization and result in higher turnover, higher sick-leave, less creativity, lower productivity, more mistakes and waste and the list goes on and on which often quickly impacts customer satisfaction and profitability.

Politics is a good public example of how some individuals within a political party may do everything from passively tolerating bullying to actively encouraging it – all in an effort to maintain power/influence and/or their job. The one thing about situations where bullies are tolerated for this purpose, in all cases I can think of the bully (or bullies) eventually loses their foothold and fall from grace. And it usually doesn’t end there as the reputations of the people who supported the bully are also tarnished or ruined and/or the whole team, political party or company become collateral damage.

Now, this doesn’t mean when someone feels bullied that it has to be dealt in real-time. Depending on the situation and who is around, in-the-moment action might make things worse. 

Taking some time to respond when an individual feel bullied also gives them time to explore their experience with a qualified individual as discussed in point #4 (Recognize the Difference Between Performance Management Versus Bullying). In a nutshell, don’t talk behind their back and risk starting the rumour mill because that in itself is a form of bullying. Also, if possible, don’t wait a few months or a year to raise concerns. By pausing and specking in private to qualified people, they may find out it may be one or more instances of miscommunication, or misinterpretation on their part, and by pausing has protected their reputation and perhaps that of others as well.

All of this may sound logical – and it is, however, it is also complicated. While this can be defined within procedures, actually living through this is emotional and sensitive… and therefore difficult. For these reasons transparency and timely actions are both essential components to experiencing great success with few challenges. For these reasons it is also essential that all staff’s expectations are managed, and everyone is trained to be able to recognize all of the nuances of this topic and to especially recognize the differences between performance management and bullying.

Conclusion:

Thank you for reading and exploring this important topic. If you haven’t yet and would like to read my first two articles in this series, here are the direct links.

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 1: Explores What Is And Makes A Bully

Nobody Should Be Bullied At Work Part 2: Explores Education And Setting Up Support Systems

If you feel you want to talk to someone about an experience you’ve had or are having, don’t wait… there are many services where friendly and well-trained people are on hand. Just search online for something like ‘bullied conversation line’ and you will find many options. If your situation is not urgent and you believe I can help, please send me an email at bruce@brucemayhewconsulting.com

I want to finish this series with a quote by Business Author Bob Chapman, “When 88% of the people who have jobs feel like they work for an organization that does not care for them, they do not feel valued. They feel used for someone’s else gain. In business, in politics, in our neighborhoods and communities, people are often not treated with the dignity and respect they deserve.”

If I ever thought leadership was in crisis, that statement stopped me in my tracks. What an opportunity for those who aspire and train to be great leaders - your competition is thin.

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

PERSONAL NOTE OF GRATITUDE: Thank you to the wonderful people who added to this article by discussing their experiences with me and making suggestions. You are some of the strongest - most courageous people I know. I am honoured to know you and you make the world around you a better place.

Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

Thank you for stopping by.

Turn Conflict And Difficult Conversations Into Positive Experiences

Employees are feeling disconnected and with many business engagements now taking place virtually these feelings are increasing and conflict is increasing. But lets take a moment to notice that not all conflict is bad - and look at when it does happen how can we manage it effectively.

I want to acknowledge the word ‘conflict’ has quite a broad definition. For this article I lean towards the definition from dictionary.com “verb: To come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition”

With this definition in mind, what do you think of the idea that conflict is not only natural, but that conflict and difficult conversations can be signs of a healthy relationship?

We often think of conflict and difficult conversations as bad; something to avoid. But should we? Sometimes conflict leads to something good. I’m sure we can all remember a moment of conflict that lead to new and exciting opportunities that enriched our lives by challenging us to meet new people and do new things. For example, when I worked in banking, I can remember a promotion I didn’t get (and yes, I was disappointed and disagreed with my bosses decision), but that loss motivated me to explore even greater – challenging opportunities I couldn’t have imagined. Instead of shutting me down for the rest of my career, it activated me. What I once considered as terrible news and negative conflict, I now describe as good a positive experience because it helped me change in ways I am very proud of.

Changing Our Approach:

What if we began thinking of conflict as an opportunity for two people to explore each others opposing viewpoints or expectations versus ‘a need to win a fight or prolonged battle’? What if we started thinking of conflict and difficult conversations as being something that can be a force of good that can challenge us (perhaps both of us), to become better individuals?

This is what I would like to discuss. So, lets explore how can we turn conflict and difficult conversations into positive experiences.

Start With Connection:

Whether we are delivering or receiving challenging news, start with honoring our connection and our relationship with the other person. Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I shouldn’t respect you. But, if I let our difference of opinion shut down my ability to connect with you and discuss / learn from you then we both lose before we even begin.

We may be an introvert or extrovert, but either way we all thrive for some level of connection; it is how we are wired – humans want to be connected. So, whenever you have a conversation, especially a difficult conversation, I encourage you to be sure to talk with your heart – tap into your empathy. Be aware of:

• What are you feeling?

• What do you feel they are feeling?

• What are you needing?

• What are they needing?

Safety and respect are two of our strongest needs. So, if you are going to tell someone they didn’t get the promotion, instead of thinking to yourself “I’m going to have a bad morning. I have to tell Joe he didn’t get the promotion,” start with the approach“I want to make sure Joe feels safe in my presence and respected by me and the company.”

Whether we are giving or getting bad news, when you and I feel safe we are more likely to stay calm and think through difficult situations. Making a connection helps us stay present and be able to discuss options. You and I also know that when the body feels fear it goes into protection mode – fight or flight. This means biology starts taking over as we feel the rush of adrenaline. When the body doesn’t feel safe it’s a bad time to try to have a difficult conversation – our body is looking to protect us and to deal with the fear verses think logically through a situation.

To have a difficult conversation make sure everyone feels safe. If you both are working in an office, choose a private space where the other person won’t feel vulnerable and both of you can speak clearly without interruption or distraction. If working remotely, do the same. Another good option to help people feel safe is to consider your timing. For example, share difficult news early in the day when everyone is less likely to be physically and emotionally exhausted from their day.

Practice Your First Sentence:

Using the example above, the idea is to continue making sure Joe feels safe and respected and to try to reinforce your connection.

Empathy is important here. One recommendation I have is that it is OK to talk about emotion but don’t be emotional (i.e.: stay calm, don’t raise your voice). 

A good first sentence might sound something like the following: “Joe, I’m sorry I have to share you didn’t get the job. I can see that this is disappointing.” You may want to pause here and see what Joe has to say. Alternatively, you can continue with something like, “Joe, while we didn’t think this was the best fit for you, I want to reinforce you are a valuable member of the team and I am glad you chose to put your name forward. It shows us you want more for yourself with the company. What I would like to do is now or later this week (if you would choose to do it later), is for us to look closer at your goals for the future and how I can support you.”

Sure, Joe is still going to be disappointed. But, he is also likely going to feel safe, respected and supported. And, you should expect that Joe is still going to want to talk about why he didn’t get the promotion, but he is more likely to be open to the news and future possibilities with this more supportive approach.

The most important thing you must do is ‘be authentic’. As I suggested earlier, don’t make this about you or the company. The wrong approach is saying something like, “I have to tell you and two other candidates you didn’t get the job. This is the worst part of my job and I am sorry I have to do this. I didn’t sleep a wink last night because I feel so bad and if I could give you all the promotion I would, but I can’t.”

If Joe does get emotional because adrenaline kicked in, stay present and listen. If you stay calm it is likely Joe will calm down quickly… but if he doesn’t, take a break, invite Joe to stay in the room as you go get both of you a glass of water. If you need to take a break for a day or two, be sure to come back to the conversation. Stay open to what the other person is going through.

Conclusion:

Feelings of conflict mean that something is important to you and to others. If we didn’t care it would not be conflict or a difficult conversation. Let’s remember:

1. One of the best things we can know is to know we are being heard.

2. When people feel they are being heard they are going to be more open to compromise – or understanding. They will be more open to understanding ‘why’.

Lastly, we can do our best to set the stage for success, but in the end, we can only control ourselves. If the other person isn’t ready to have a difficult conversation, then there is nothing we can do – if we are trying to be kind and they only see hostility it is OK to know we are trying to do our best and that they may just need some time. Sometimes the best solution is to mindfully step away and return to the conversation a day or two later.  Let’s just stay focused on what each of our goals are and what each of our needs are.

Life is messy. Let’s stay open and embrace it all.

Thank you for reading. I hope you have enjoyed exploring how to turn conflict and difficult conversations into positive experiences.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.

What Should We Do When We Feel A Lack Of Respect For Someone?

Respect is an interesting, complicated thing, and it’s not one size fits all. The point I want to make is that very often we see respect as an absolute. We get caught up in the idea that, “If you don’t respect my idea or my work then you don’t respect me,” and that really doesn’t have to be the case at all… as I described in the four examples below.

Examples: we can:

• Respect the person as a human, but not respect their authority or their suggestion or their idea.

• Respect the company, but not the person we are engaging with from the company.

• Respect how a person is trying to help us, but not the company.

• Respect a person’s authority, but not their goals or tactics they use to achieve those goals.

And I’m sure you and I could easily continue adding to this list of examples if we were brainstorming examples.

So what should we do when we feel a lack of respect for someone? 

The answer is both simple and complex. It’s so complex there are whole books written and specialists dedicated to only this topic. But let me give you a few steps to get the conversation moving in the right direction. This approach is often the starting point I use when I work with leaders to help them solve a respect challenge with their team or in their company.

Firstly, at the very least we should acknowledge we should be able to show a person respect as a human even if we don’t respect their achievements (or lack of), goals (or lack of), or values (or lack of).

Secondly, we should take a moment to consider where our feelings of respect and lack-of-respect are coming from. Looking inwardly to what we are feeling is always a good starting point in any and every situation including this one. What are we respecting and why (hopefully there is something)? What are we not respecting and why? Do we have an internal, learned bias that is getting in our own way? Might they have an internal, learned bias that is getting in their way?

This is a great exercise to go through (by yourself) for everyone in your inner circle. Take the time to point out what you do and don’t respect / appreciate / admire for those closest to you. It helps especially if find you are feeling negatively triggered by someone because it will help you control (be mindful of) your response.

Thirdly, is our lack of respect creating a barrier between us that is making the situation worse? It’s important to note that this is often the case. You know that when you feel negative energy from someone your own defences usually go up; which in turn often gets reflected back to them as negative energy from you. It is an unfortunate and vicious circle. It’s important to note at this point that whenever respect falters so does trust. When we don’t trust each other everything usually is much more difficult and take much longer. This in turn usually translates to being more expensive and less effective. 

Lastly, having reflected on what and why we are feeling as well as what biases we are (or they may be) feeling, how might we be able to build respect and trust within this situation? Generally, there are two areas we can work on and they are:

1. What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

2. What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Lets explore these two areas.

What We Can Make Sure We Are Doing

Whether we are a leader of a team or an equal member of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, even if we are not feeling respect we can strive to build it with others. To build respect with one or more people we can all practice the following:

• Smile and say hello when we pass in the hall

• Listen mindfully / with all of our attention in a meeting or conversation

• Treat everyone equally 

• Encourage everyone to be their true, whole self and bring all of their experiences, education and perspective to every engagement 

• Be transparent with goals and tactics

• Give people credit for their ideas… and use other peoples ideas (it can’t be ‘my way or the highway’)

• Have a safe environment where people can make mistakes… and learn from those mistakes

• Imagine what it’s like to be in someone elses shoes (display empathy)

• Everyone can disagree and of course, still be civil and not feel threatened

 I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive.

The amazing thing is that people who feel respected are not only trusted and more creative, they are:

• 92% more focused

• 55% more engaged

• 61% more likely to embrace change

• 56% healthier (fewer sick days)

• Over 100% more loyal (far less turnover)

Simply put, there are no downsides to having respectful relationships. 

What We Can Make Sure We Are Not Doing

Again, whether we are a leader of a team or an equal part of a team, we can all take a leadership role and set an example through our own behaviour. So, how can we begin to build respectful, trusting relationships? The idea is to explore how to build relationships where everyone has an open, safe space where everyone can share ideas by not:

• Mocking someone – publicly or privately

• Teasing

• Telling offensive jokes

• Letting someone finish a sentence

• Taking credit for someone else’s work

• Texting in meetings

• Making inappropriate advances

• Putting up silos instead of being transparent

• Always saying ‘No’ when asked to do something 

As I said earlier, I encourage you to add to this list because it is far from exhaustive. But even better, do this with someone else or with your team. Have this and keep this as an open dialogue where you have open and safe dialogues.

If you have a challenging situation and are working to make it better, give it time. Conversations will help and are a sign of a healthy environment. You won’t be perfect at first, and neither will other people. And I dare say you will always make mistakes along the way. The solution isn’t to be perfect, the solution is to be aware of your actions and humble enough that you are able to help others have the confidence to talk with you about challenges or feelings they are having so they can be worked on early.

As I said at the beginning, respect is a simple and yet complex thing. It never happens when there is an environment of secrecy and where people can’t speak freely. As respect begins to grow it is like a seed planted, it will require care and attention and it will grow - seemingly slowly at first but before you know it, you will have a healthy, wonderful space filled with respect… and trust.

Thank you for reading.

Bruce

About Bruce and Bruce Mayhew Consulting.

Bruce is Corporate Trainer and Executive Coach.

As a Corporate Trainer Bruce Mayhew (of BMC) specialize in customized Time Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.

BMC helps your greatest assets think productive and be productive.

Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.