So many of us think trust is built when we deliver results, keep promises, and follow through on commitments. Our parents tell us that, our teachers and professors tell us that, and even some of our leaders tell us that.
Yes, those things matter. But they are not the foundation of trust. I bet we all know people who deliver above average results, but we still don’t trust them. That’s because the absence of fear is the foundation on which deep, unshakable trust is built. It’s really that simple.
Think about the people you trust most in your life. It’s not that they’ve never let you down or never made mistakes. And it’s not that they always agree with you. You trust them because you don’t fear them. You don’t fear:
- Being embarrassed by them.
- Being harshly or inappropriately judged by them.
- Being punished for making a mistake.
- That they will intentionally use your vulnerabilities against you.
- That they will sacrifice you to save themselves.
When fear disappears, trust has room to grow.
Why Fear Changes Everything
Our brains are designed to protect us.
When we perceive someone as a threat, we become vigilant. We scan for danger. And here is the tricky part… we then look for evidence to confirm our concerns. This is why there are times when people don’t trust what they see. They are protecting themselves from what they fear… what they don’t want to believe.
The impact of this is that without trust even positive actions can be viewed through a negative lens.
- A leader offers feedback… and an employee hears criticism.
- A colleague asks a challenging question… and a teammate assumes they’re being attacked.
- A manager makes a difficult hiring decision… and an employees assume the worst and that it is personal.
When fear is present, the intentions people imagine and how they react often becomes compromised. That’s why two people can witness the exact same situation and walk away with completely different conclusions about what happened and why it happened.
The Cost of Fear at Work
Fear creates self-protection.
When we fear we spend energy protecting ourselves instead of contributing our best work and ideas. And when we begin protecting ourselves, we often stop taking calculated, well-intentioned risks. We also stay silent and withhold ideas, especially our best ideas. Essentially, we stop investing in our team or relationship and instead keep ourselves out of the line of fire.
Amy Edmondson is an American scholar, professor at Harvard Business School, and globally renowned for her pioneering research on psychological safety in the workplace. Edmondson’s groundbreaking research on psychological safety reveals that the highest-performing teams aren’t the teams that make the fewest mistakes. They’re the teams where people are least afraid to discuss mistakes. This makes so much sense to me. In a nutshell:
- When people feel safe, they learn faster.
- When they learn faster, they improve faster.
- When they improve faster, performance follows.
The cost of fear is simple. At one end it can shut down ideas and potential, and at the other end it can erode essential employee satisfaction and performance. Clearly, trust isn’t an optional soft skill (or a human skill), it’s essential to long-term employee success.
The Question Leaders Should Ask
With Edmondson’s research in tow, I expect the one question most leaders would ask is, “How do I get my team to trust me and each other?” That is a great question. And I propose going further and asking a second, very important and somewhat vulnerable question, “What reoccurring habits or behaviours do I have that make others feel they need to protect themselves?” There are so many possible answers to this last question. For example, it could be:
- Inconsistency managing expectations.
- Failure to listen.
- Difficulty holding myself accountable.
- Being defensive.
- Jealousy (never a good look).
- Criticizing others, especially in public.
- And sometimes it’s simply a lack of awareness about the impact our behaviour has on others.
I think we all know that trust can be destroyed in one dramatic moment. But more often trust is eroded through many small interactions that quietly teach people to be guarded and play it safe.
The good news is that deep, unshakable trust is also built through many small interactions. And it takes more interactions to build trust than to destroy trust.
How To Build Everyday Trust… Every day?
I believe the strongest trust has been tested, challenged even… and it has survived. And when I look back at some of my personal and professional relationships, I do have ‘history’ with the people I trust the most. Sometimes very challenging history. But we worked through that history and came out the other side knowing and respecting each other in very different ways.
But at work we don’t – or shouldn’t – need Kevlar-level trust with someone; ‘everyday trust’ should be enough.
Imagine you are a leader and it’s your first day of leading an existing, mature team. Initially, you should expect your inherited team to be cautious… to protect themselves.
- They don’t know the team micro-culture you will want to support.
- They don’t know how you will support the vision, mission and values they (hopefully) hold true.
- They don’t know if mistakes will be treated as learning opportunities or career-limiting events.
There is so much you and everyone on your team have to learn about each other. Trust will have to be built – in both directions.
But as the teams new leader you are prepared to make sure a few important things happen quickly. The first step you take is to hold a town-hall where you share the vision of the culture you want the team to represent. And then a few days later an important opportunity presents itself to you. A deadline is missed by a small working group. Now you have an opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to being trustworthy. What you do (and when you do it) will send a powerful message.
As your employees brace for criticism, you respond with curiosity. You acknowledge the challenge, but instead of looking for blame you ask:
- “What went well – what part of the project do we keep?”
- “What talent do we have access to now?”
- “What can we do asap to fix the challenge?”
- “How can I help?”
- “What did we learn?”
- “What should we do differently next time?”
In that moment, every employee and everyone else who may be watching discovers you can be trusted.
Trust begins to take root instead of fear. And each time that trust is tested, it should become stronger and stronger.
Employees don’t trust because they were told to, they trust because they have evidence. Moving forward even when they see things not going perfectly, they will still trust that they can be open.
Conclusion
Every leader has an opportunity to influence the energy in every meeting they attend, every conversation that have, and every strategy they design. For me it often gets down to the answer the following, “Do I create a safe micro-culture so that others can?”
- Contribute.
- Challenge ideas.
- Admit mistakes.
- Ask for help.
- Be proud of their accomplishments.
When people answer yes, trust grows. When trust grows, confidence grows. When confidence grows, collaboration improves, innovation increases, belonging strengthens, and teams become more resilient. And when all of these improve, company performance usually grows at an above average rate and employee satisfaction soars.
All of this happens not because fear is 100% eliminated, but it is drastically reduced, and people know that when they do feel fear or anxiety that they can rely on each other and move through it together. Trust means that fear doesn’t have a chance to overwhelm or shut people down. That is a huge win.
Because the opposite of trust isn’t distrust. The opposite of trust is fear.