Mention generations in a room full of leaders and how to help multigenerational teams work better together, and watch what happens. Heads nod. Stories start. Someone has a Gen Z horror story. Or was it a Millennial story? No, I think it was about a Gen Xer and a Boomer.
But seriously. After more than 25 years of working with teams made up of people from different generations, backgrounds, and cultures, I’ve learned something that surprises some people: generational differences are rarely the real problem. They’re just an easy label to blame.
And if we end the conversation there, nothing improves. We have to start the conversation there and ask, “How are we all the same?” “What’s different?” “Why?” And then: “How do we move forward together?”
What’s the same, and what’s different?
Do different generations face different problems and challenges? Sure. Have they had different opportunities? Absolutely. Have they wanted to make a difference and be taken seriously? Every one of them.
Psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is one way to see what we share. Among other things, we all need to feel safe, to belong, and to be respected. In Maslow’s view, human needs span biological, psychological, and spiritual aspects of life across cultures. Meeting those needs contributes to a meaningful life. His five categories give us a starting point for thinking about our needs… the needs of everyone and every generation:
- Basic, or physiologic, needs, such as for food, water, and shelter
- Safety needs, which is broad, but can include both freedom from physical assault as well as undisrupted routine or rhythm in life
- Love and affection needs, which is the need to have a place in a group of people we also love and respect
- Esteem needs, which is the need to have stable self-respect and respect from other people
- Self-actualization, which is the need to become everything we / each of us are capable of being
But having needs in common is not the same as understanding each other. This is a very important point, because wanting respect, for example, does not tell someone else what makes us feel respected. What does being taken seriously look like to you? What does being respected or taken seriously mean to the person you are working with – or your partner? Those questions give us somewhere to start: not by assuming we already understand, but by being genuinely curious about… and asking what the other person needs.
Solving for the assumptions we carry into the room
Here’s where generations sneak in. Or should I say, generalizations. We make assumptions, often without noticing.
- Younger colleagues aren’t loyal, can’t handle feedback, or don’t want to put in the work.
- Older colleagues are resistant to change, out of touch, or just waiting for retirement.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. So yes, some of these are partly true of some people, some of the time. None of them are true of everyone all the time.
And assumptions have a cost. When we decide we already know someone, we stop asking questions. We stop learning from their experience and wisdom. Over time, they stop feeling useful, engaged, an important part of the team, or able to grow. That’s a fast route to losing good people.
The experienced person stops hearing the insightful question from the newer employee. The newer employee stops asking why a process exists, or sharing a different approach they learned at school. And nobody discovers that the 58-year-old has been experimenting with AI for years, or that the newly hired 26-year-old has worked in this industry since a summer job at 16 and has far more foundational experience than the project team expected.
Assumptions don’t just insult people. They close doors on innovation for the company… and careers for all of us.
Curiosity is the antidote
Curiosity is one of the foundational traits of adaptive leadership. Curiosity is also one of the biggest advantages anyone can have at work, at any age, experience level, or career stage.
A curious person doesn’t need to be right all the time. They admit what they don’t know; and they see the unknown as an opportunity to learn and grow, for themselves and for others. Not having to be right all the time, is a shift that changes how everyone around them feels. Instead of spending energy protecting themselves or fearing inadequacy, curious people use that energy to improve themselves and the people around them.
When someone asks, “Help me understand how you see this,” and are part of a safe and trusting environment, other people relax and defences go down… for everyone. And oh yes, openness goes up as well as greater trust.
Curiosity also protects us from our own certainty and stagnation. Let’s face it: when we are curious, we know that what we were able to be sure of yesterday may look different tomorrow. Hey, even our phones want to upgrade every week. And here is one of the hardest things for some people to accept; that being curious means that we have to be willing to find out (and even prove to ourselves) that our assumptions may be wrong.
Trust comes first, and it’s built on respect
When I see a team that works well, the common thread is not that everyone is the same age. It’s trust. And trust is built from respect, shared values, and clear communication, along with shared expectations. And one of the most important shared expectations must be around personal and professional safety… including what to do (or not do) when we feel unsafe.
People trust each other when they believe their colleagues are competent, honest, and acting in good faith to accomplish and celebrate shared goals. Without trust, a 25-year-old and a 55-year-old may very well talk past – or worse, dismiss each other. With it, they stay present and committed to figuring almost anything out together.
Trust doesn’t appear on its own. It grows from respect, and respect is something a team creates on purpose, and patiently. Deep, resilient trust and respect come from investing over time in five areas:
- Clear, shared goals and values. When everyone knows what we’re trying to achieve and why, differences in age, style, education, culture, or experience become resources instead of irritants.
- Safety. People can be themselves, ask questions, admit mistakes, share vulnerable feelings, discuss gaps in experience or education, and challenge ideas without being embarrassed or harmed. Researchers call this psychological safety: a shared belief that the team is safe for taking interpersonal risks. Studies keep linking it to better learning, more knowledge sharing, and stronger team performance. Notice the word shared. It isn’t one person’s personality trait. It’s something the whole team builds, or fails to build, every day.
- Empathy. When we’re curious and caring about the people and world around us, we open ourselves to learning and to kindness, including kindness to ourselves. Compassion is action that grows from empathy.
- Honesty. People can say what’s true, or what they believe to be true, including the uncomfortable parts, without being punished for it.
- Accountability. This is one of the most delicate balancing acts in human relationships, ethics, and psychology, often with no one global solution. People are responsible for their actions, words which includes a balance between their intentions vs. their impact… while also allowing people to learn from mistakes or oversights. When exploring accountability, intentions, and impact, it’s usually a good idea to ask, “What else could be true?”
Along with physical safety, researchers spend a lot of the time on psychological safety: a shared belief that the team is safe for taking interpersonal risks. Studies keep linking it to better learning, more knowledge sharing, and stronger team performance. Notice the word shared. It isn’t one person’s personality trait. It’s something the whole team builds, or fails to build, every day.
Communication is the vehicle of sharing and understanding
Trust, respect, and shared values don’t travel on their own. They need a vehicle, and that vehicle is communication. You can have the right goals and genuinely good people and still end up in a ditch if the message doesn’t reach the other person in a form they can use.
Across generations, the gap usually shows up in what seems like small things – but are important. Don’t underestimate the importance and complexity of good communication. One person wants a quick call. Another prefers a message they can answer when they’re ready. One reads silence as respect; another reads silence as disinterest. One gives feedback in the moment; another expects a scheduled conversation. None of these is wrong. They’re just unspoken.
That’s why communication needs shared and openly discussed expectations. A message — or an action — succeeds when it’s understood the way it was intended, so check. Ask, “What did you hear me say?” or “What questions come up for you?” Then listen for what’s underneath the answer. Strong teams talk about how they’ll talk:
- Where do we share updates, and how often?
- How quickly do we expect a response?
- How do we each like to give and receive feedback?
- What does “urgent” actually mean here?
Say it clearly. Confirm it was understood. And say thank you for the conversation.
Small behaviours that make big differences
Safety isn’t created by a poster on the wall or a values statement. It’s created by small, observable behaviours repeated over time. Here are some that all of us from all generations (and cultural backgrounds), can start tomorrow:
- Be crystal clear about what topic you’re discussing and why.
- Say “I don’t know.” Especially if you’re the most senior person in the room.
- Ask a question before you share your opinion. Speaking last is always a good idea.
- Be aware of the physical space you occupy and/or create.
- Thank people for challenging you, out loud and in front of others.
- Credit ideas by name. “That was Priya’s idea” builds more trust than any team-building exercise.
- Invite the quiet voices in. “We haven’t heard from everyone yet. Tony, what are you seeing?”
- Admit your own mistakes first. If you’re the leader, this gives everyone else permission.
- Follow up. When someone raises a concern or an idea, come back and tell them what happened with it.
None of these are complicated. They’re just easy to not do when we’re busy.
Try this week
Pick one person on your team who is at a very different stage of life or career than you are. Ask them one genuine question you don’t already know the answer to. Then listen without fixing, correcting, or comparing. Ask follow-up questions, and say thank you for sharing.
Remember, everyone has experiences and knowledge we don’t, even someone from our own generation. Listening is how we show respect, and how we learn.
Do that, and what generation you or they are from will matter a lot less.